DontRemember

My exAgf just reached out. I've not spoken a word to her in months and I know she's in a new relationship and that's great/hope she's happy,ect..BUT.. I just got a few obviously VERY drunken text about something from 3yrs ago..Minor thing about me "leaving her somewhere/not picking her up." Nonsense..At first I wasn't going to respond,but she kept on,so I thought about that night. Not only did I go to pick her up, I had my buddy drive me there in case I needed a hand/witness and she refused to leave*I did confirm this with him*. The reframing we alchy's do is nuts! I only responded to get some rest and take care of herself. Not getting sucked back into that madness! So glad I'm not drinking anymore and can handle things in a calm,adult fashion now.

maia1234

DR,
Good for you for being sober!! Yea!! We codies love sober addicts.

I would be careful opening up that Pandora's box with her. Radio silence is the best, especially drunken texts. Since they are drunk nightly this could become another habit with her.

Press ignore and eventually she will disappear!! Congrats on your sobriety, how long have you been sober?

DontRemember

I'm not really a day counter but I'd guess about 13mo? I did have one drunken night about a week after I ended things with her in may-june??. I'm not an avid AA'er,but have picked up so much from attending on how to handle life without 'needing a drink'.

OpheliaKatz

I have to say that the person who brought me the most sanity and most support during my separation from my stbxAH is a recovering alcoholic, sober for 12 months and counting. She was very adamant about no contact, and said that I shouldn't put up with any of his cr@p anymore, and that I should focus on living my best life without him. All her advice was very hard-hitting, but very honest. It's true, we really appreciate sober addicts here. Congratulations on your sobriety. Better to ignore your ex.

lizatola

Silence is always my go to response when I get baited by my XAH. 2 years after our divorce he would send me drunken emails accusing me of all kinds of things. I would call my sponsor, get all indignant because he was accusing me of things I certainly didn't remember doing, and then I'd cool off and remember that their perception is skewed and they are entitled to believe whatever it is they choose to believe. I know my truth and that's all that mattered. Hope this helps!

hopeful4

Good for you to not let this trigger you into a reaction.

DontRemember

Thanks,everyone! I've learned a lot from this side of the board about handling the 'quaking'(hell I was a loud duck for a few years) and one thing I've also learned is "more will be revealed" and that's happening now. Apparently she moved in with this new guy a month after my final 'it's over'. Well...that doesn't seem to be working out too well because she's still doing the same addict stuff(lying,blackouts 4-5times/wk,spending her bill money gambling,ect..) Thus her trying to reach out to me with any breadcrumbs of hope that I'll once again be there...NOPE! I wish her well and hope she finds some peace for herself,but I know that's a lot of personal/inward work and don't think she understands that. Actually, I know she doesn't understand it because she never 'got' what I was dealing with trying to heal myself,which I still work on daily/hourly. I'll pray for her.

Learning14

I needed this post, so thank you!

I've gotten pretty good to not get baited into the blame game, but I've slipped up before, too.

Friday (see my prior post) around 10:30 pm for about 45 minutes, my phone started blowing up from my AF. How I was a horrible person for telling his best friend about his problems (um, your BFF knows all about your alcoholism). On and on and on. Blame, blame, blame.

I said something in defense of myself and knew immediately that it was a mistake and not going to do anyone (including myself) any good.

He went on a few more texts and I finally said, "Goodnight. Please don't call or text me again."

I got another "sober text" from him yesterday about something non relevant (I know he was dipping his toe in, checking the water with me). I ignored him.

atalose

No new contact = no new hurt/stress/anxiety/annoyances.

Block her from contacting you again.

DontRemember

This!! She reached out again yesterday...after I got some unsolicited info that I already suspected about her and my last months together.. I DID go off a bit,let her know i knew and then blocked her number. At first I wasn't going to block her number for various reasons of concern/caring,BUT after my gut intuition was proven yesterday afternoon it was a no brainer. My concern/caring has left the building for this person. She's now dead to me.

DontRemember

I'll add too that I slept like crud last night for the first time in months. I even laid awake for an hour running through my mind about how it "all makes perfect sense now". The thought of pouring a drink to get some sleep did cross my mind,again first time in months,but I just processed my feelings/thoughts and finally fell asleep. Woke up early and went for a run listening to some VERY angry music!

NYCDoglvr

Of course it's hard to ignore someone firing shots against the bow, good for you for reaching out about the problem. Your own peace of mind is what's important, not an active alcoholic's.

Bekindalways

^^^^^^^

DontRemember

The 'belittling comments',anger/projection from her was plain as day. All the while saying how "she's living the life of her dreams"QUAK QUAK..Well...GREAT..go live that life and leave me alone? I did snap yesterday and I'm not 'proud',but it F'n felt great to unload it all out on it's much deserved place! Feeling great today! going to lunch with my daughter and doing some shopping. My life IS great!

maia1234

Yes, it it my friend!!
You are sober today!!!
YEA!!

DontRemember

I've been having some crazy dreams the past few nights,since she made contact. Some are cheating(her) and the feeling of helplessness(which who's not when cheating is involved) and last night was more of the same,except I had a 'lump' on my leg in one of the dreams and when I started messing with it a very large green worm started coming out,so I pulled at it until it was in the palm of my hand and tossed it on the ground. Then woke up covered in sweat with my chest area feeling like I worked out yesterday.. I didn't. The soreness is still noticeable in my shoulders/back area. I'm guessing I was 'fighting' in my sleep? I'm not big on dream meanings,but what I did glance at this morning led me to think of the worm as a parasite(her) that I was removing from 'feeding' off of me anymore.. Anyways...WEIRD!

I did eat right before bed too, so maybe the worm just wanted some of my pizza? LOL

Bekindalways

Wow, that is quite the dream DR.

I figure our dreams are helping us process our emotions so the more we dream the better.

You must be working through a lot of memories/hopes/grief etc. so that even your body was involved in the dream.

When I left my qualifier, in my sleep, I would pull all the covers off my bed and into my arms. Then I would wake up freezing as I was living at 12K feet.

DontRemember

I'm afraid to eat my leftover pizza now. Seriously...it's been some wild dreams since 'contact'. last night,for example, everything was taking place in my childhood homes..Crazy/scary stuff! Guess it's kinda like when I got off the drink..Stuff coming to 'light' that I'd suppressed with either drinking/codie relationships.. I was glad I woke up and have had another great day,so I've got that going for me.

Bekindalways

Irk. Are you scared to go to sleep?

Interesting that just this minor contact set all these dreams off.

DontRemember

No..not at all. Slept great last night again. I think the contact and unsolicited information I received in a 48hr period after months of NC just kinda put me into overthinking mode. Even the dreams were so crazy that I knew I was dreaming during them...if that makes sense? Almost like a haunted house where they can't touch you type feeling,just visual nonsense.