FallingStars

January has so far been the most difficult month of my 12 month sobriety...harder than last January when I first quit. I think I was motivated more then than I am now... it has morphed into a complacency. This is perplexing to me. I haven't given in, but the draw seems to be stronger since the holidays. Winter blues? Thoughts?

julietUK

Hi FallingStars. I have been sober for over a year in the past, and complacency is always a problem for me. I understand how you feel, I think some people may make the mistake of thinking after that long we are home and dry (excuse the pun) but I sometimes found it harder after a year, I think the memory of the horrors of drinking dim somewhat. Please try remember how it was. I am only on day 12 and so far so good but I know from experience the danger never really goes. I hope this bad time passes for you and you keep your strength.

DreamCatcher17

I have seen some great advice on this topic.

What I read:
Start a gratitude list
Write down why you stopped drinking
If you are in a program, like AA, start again at step one.

Best of luck, you got this!

FallingStars

Thank you JulietUK. You are right..the memory has faded somewhat. Iguess that is why I joined SR...to be reminded of how bad things were/are. Congrats on your day 12~~!!

FallingStars

Thanks DreamCatcher... good ideas there

Anna

Hi FallingStars,

I'm glad you're posting about this because it's important to acknowledge that it's a bit of a tough time for you. Above all, be kind to yourself and remind yourself daily how far you've come. It does seem that each relapse makes it harder and harder, both physically and emotionally, so stay focused on your recovery

FallingStars

Is that a reality? That each relapse makes it harder and harder? I didn't realize that. That in itself is a motivation! Thanks Anna

24hrsAday

I was just talking about this at my AA meeting this morning...
January 2007' was when I Finally was Beaten and each January
I get a weird feeling (almost like Muscle memory?) or something?
I am Grateful to still be sober after all this time But, my "birthday"
does not usually feel all that Great..

FallingStars

That is interesting... I wonder if there is something to that "muscle memory" suspicion.... hhhhmmm

24hrsAday

Well, for SURE I Hate this Weather! (I Live in Michigan)
And I Remember how Horrible I felt and the NFL Playoffs were on....
And so it does remind me..

Dee74

If you feel yourself gettign complacent I think it's really important to look at what you're doing for your recovery and ask yourself if maybe you need to do a little more?

D

FallingStars

It's akin to dieting for me. I would eat candy or cake and then not lose any weight. Duh. I found out that I have to "work the program"... same with sobriety. Need to work the program ---even after 12 months. It is evident that it is a lifelong program as well.

Readygo

I have been told that complacency is one reason some relapse. One person picked up a new hobby or suggested joining a class. Good job being a year sober!! I’m looking forward to being able to say that!!

Barbs

FallingStar - I felt the same way when I hit the one year mark. I thought I addressed it here at the time and then moved on (ignored it really). I had 15 months sober when I drank again. I believe I became complacent and didn't even think when I took that first drink . I'm on day 16 now and the emotional rollercoaster continues. So not worth it. I suggest you ramp up your recovery plan and stay focused!

FallingStars

Thanks everyone for the support! And thanks for sharing your experiences.

Maudcat

I was a bit shaky at the one year mark, which for me was July.
And I have heard others mention it too.
Something about one year, I guess.
Hang in there.

tomsteve

something i heard early on:
if you dont remember your last drunk, you havent had it yet.
personally i dont remember my last drunk- it was a blackout.
but i remember the next day- the greatest worst day of my life.

dwtbd

That’s pretty unfortunate, sounds like a bunch of drunkalouge one upmanship, almost a taunt to be” as bad as me”. Glad you made it out the other side in spite of being confronted with such grandiose AV.

It’s too bad everyone doesn’t hear , right off the bat, “everyone has the stuff in them to put the bottle down and walk away for good, from day or minute one”

Gottalife

It is worse than that. It may be impossible to come back from the fatal first drink. I have seen it happen many times. So strange that all previous knowledge of recovery has gone, like the hard drive has been wiped. The first drink can indeed be fatal. It may not be the next one, but the one after... we have no way of knowing.

I Have found memory is not an effective defence either. If all I was counting on was the memory of the consequences of drinking coming to mind at the critical moment, I would have been drunk in the first week. Those memories arise from thoughts of not drinking, but when the obsession is back, I am not thinking about not drinking anymore.

I discovered that the main reason I drank was due to a faulty set of ideas about life that made sober living a miserable affair. When I found out what was behind it, and took the neccesary action to change, the need to drink was removed.

MindfulMan

Maybe winter blues has something to do with it as well. However, I suffer from SAD and this year is the best it's ever been, because sobriety.

Someone mentioned Michigan...I lived there for 5 years. I wanted to slit my wrists every February. Now in a warmer and lighter place, the depression is still there, it just gets turned down a couple of notches.

I'm only 8 months in, so I'm taking this one-year thing as definitely something to be aware of. Knowing something is a thing makes it easier to handle.

I definitely remember the last binge, at least it's aftermath. And remembering waking up in rehab and not knowing where I was is a sobering reminder that I CANNOT "drink normally." Ever.

What's more important to me is the positive direction my life has gone since I stopped drinking and using, how much better that I feel, how much more honest, open and present I am for every moment of every day.

Sure, I don't want to go back to the dark days of drinking, but even more importantly, if I did I would lose a life that I love so much more. I prefer to dwell on the positive aspects of not drinking.

Hopefully it will get me through my one-year anniversary issues if and when I have them.

It may also help that I don't give much credence to the amount of time I've been sober, anniversaries, days, etc. What matters is that I'm sober today and it feels great.