Brave New World
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 40
Brave New World
Hello.
It has taken me over two weeks to get up the courage to join this forum, but I did it today. I think it was so hard because by joining I had to lay down my last, weakest lie; the lie to myself that I do not have a problem. It felt easier to read and relate to your posts, than to introduce and admit that I am you, --minus the recovery.
I'm scared to death. I'm scared to even admit, even in an anonymous forum, that I have a controlling, oppressive, unrelenting addiction to alcohol. I've lied to myself for over four years now about it. But today, the lying stops. The hiding stops. The active-death I am engaged in stops. I don't know if I'll have a drink tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that. I don't know if I am strong enough to stop myself forever. I do know I have to try.
In reading your posts, I see a bunch of people that are trying and succeeding. I want that to be me too. Thank you all for inspiring me to try.
It has taken me over two weeks to get up the courage to join this forum, but I did it today. I think it was so hard because by joining I had to lay down my last, weakest lie; the lie to myself that I do not have a problem. It felt easier to read and relate to your posts, than to introduce and admit that I am you, --minus the recovery.
I'm scared to death. I'm scared to even admit, even in an anonymous forum, that I have a controlling, oppressive, unrelenting addiction to alcohol. I've lied to myself for over four years now about it. But today, the lying stops. The hiding stops. The active-death I am engaged in stops. I don't know if I'll have a drink tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that. I don't know if I am strong enough to stop myself forever. I do know I have to try.
In reading your posts, I see a bunch of people that are trying and succeeding. I want that to be me too. Thank you all for inspiring me to try.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Welcome to SR,,Mavie; really glad that you found and joined us.
You will find an abundance of support, encouragement and understanding here.
Sobriety and recovery and two of the best things I have ever done and accomplished - for myself and my family. I hope that find exactly the same thing.
Onward, together.
You will find an abundance of support, encouragement and understanding here.
Sobriety and recovery and two of the best things I have ever done and accomplished - for myself and my family. I hope that find exactly the same thing.
Onward, together.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 4,553
Welcome Mavie!
I'm so please you've had the courage to join us and be so honest about your feelings. Of course honesty is a big part if this particularly to yourself. It is also liberating to accept what you are and take the first steps to recovery.
I look forward to seeing more of you around and sharing your journey with you. Take care xxx
I'm so please you've had the courage to join us and be so honest about your feelings. Of course honesty is a big part if this particularly to yourself. It is also liberating to accept what you are and take the first steps to recovery.
I look forward to seeing more of you around and sharing your journey with you. Take care xxx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 40
Thank you for your warm welcomes and wishes. It makes me feel a little stronger and a little more ready to take this life change head-on.
I feel like my relationship with alcohol is like that bad ex-boyfriend that you can stay away from for a little while, but you never really get over... eventually you see him again and miss him, and before you know, you're right back in bed with him feeling miserable and ashamed: vowing to never do it again while knowing full well in the back of your mind you'll be right back here. It's only a matter of time.
I think I've decided to leave it for good though. Just me being here is a huge change that took some courage on my part.
I feel like my relationship with alcohol is like that bad ex-boyfriend that you can stay away from for a little while, but you never really get over... eventually you see him again and miss him, and before you know, you're right back in bed with him feeling miserable and ashamed: vowing to never do it again while knowing full well in the back of your mind you'll be right back here. It's only a matter of time.
I think I've decided to leave it for good though. Just me being here is a huge change that took some courage on my part.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by ProfessorD 
Hi Mavie! I love your name 
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 853
Originally Posted by Mavie
Thank you! It is actually "Ma Vie", which is French for "my life". I thought it was a good name for me today because it is literally "my Why" for starting this journey.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi and welcome Ma vie
there's not one of us here who hasn't been where you are - the great thing about this place is people get it - we understand
I has no idea if I was strong enough for forever either - but I knew I had a pretty good shot at staying sober for 24 hours - so I committed to one day and then back up and committed again the next day...before I knew it I had a long string of days behind me and forever wasn't so scary.
I think we're probably stronger than we know - but our drinking (and self loathing) makes us forget that.
D
there's not one of us here who hasn't been where you are - the great thing about this place is people get it - we understand
I has no idea if I was strong enough for forever either - but I knew I had a pretty good shot at staying sober for 24 hours - so I committed to one day and then back up and committed again the next day...before I knew it I had a long string of days behind me and forever wasn't so scary.
I think we're probably stronger than we know - but our drinking (and self loathing) makes us forget that.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by Bluemilk
Welcome! You’re not scared about admitting the problem here; you’re scared about admitting it to yourself. Just like I was
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,565
It's great to meet you, Mavie. You sound ready to reclaim your life and get free. We know you can!
I'd been drinking 30 yrs. when I came here. I didn't have anyone in my life who understood what I was going through. Talking things over here helped with my anxiety - I knew I never had to be alone with my problems & challenges again. Life will get so much better for you. We're glad you're here.
I'd been drinking 30 yrs. when I came here. I didn't have anyone in my life who understood what I was going through. Talking things over here helped with my anxiety - I knew I never had to be alone with my problems & challenges again. Life will get so much better for you. We're glad you're here.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
It may be a bit scary, but if you keep going on the journey admitting you have a problem, that alcohol controls you and not the other way around, and you need help to do the hard work of recovery will prove to be a huge relief.
Welcome to your life!
Welcome to your life!
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