Amich

I have a good friend that is in recovery. We have been friends for 25 years. I wasn’t around when he was using but would get random texts from him. We have always had a good relationship and been able to communicate and have been honest with each other. I hadn’t talked to him or heard from him in about 2.5 years during which time he was using. He went through detox and has been in a sober living place for about 30 days. I spoke with him on Monday. I was pleasantly surprised when he answered the phone. We talked for about 10 minutes but he had to go to a meeting so he asked if he could call me later, said he loved me and wanted to talk. He didn’t call. We shared a few text messages the next day where he told me that he was glad that I called and that it made his day. He told me I was 1 of the first people he has spoken to. Well... I asked him if I could come see him and he said he liked that idea but as the week went on he wouldn’t give me an answer as to if it was going to happen or not. I feel as if I pushed him to hard too soon because he completely ghosted on me and stopped replying to texts. Like I said we have always been good at communication and honest with each other so I asked him if I was bothering him before he ghosted and he said no. He is the only person I’ve known in recovery. I feel as if I totally messed up.... I don’t know what if anything I can do.

Berrybean

Sounds just like the early-recovery-all-over-the-place-ness and fearfulness. It might be difficult for him to have visitors where he is as well. I'd suggest just giving him time and space and not taking anything personally.


BB

Ps when you say friend,do you mean pal / buddy or is there a potential romantic interest there? Just that he's likely to have had it suggested to him to stay right away from anything like that for the time being. Sorry if that's presuming something that isn't the case.

Amich

Thank you for responding. No nothing romantic. We do have a history though. I am hoping he didn’t mistake my intentions and maybe that is why he ghosted. I will be patient and hope to hear from him.

Offthemast

You haven't talked in 3 years and asked to come see him? How far apart do you live?
That's probably just a lot to deal with out of the blue, especially in the midst of finding your bearings in recovery. I wouldn't take it personal.

I personally, as a guy, would think you were wanting to maybe see if anything was there for a possible relationship.

Amich

We live pretty close. 20 min. I am married so I wouldn’t think he would think that was what I wanted. I was thinking at the time that 25+ years of friendship was more than the almost 3 of not talking. I realize now that I was wrong. And it was not realistic. I really did have good intentions. Just not enough experience with this.

MindfulMan

Give it time. He's reworking his life. And emotionally raw.

AnvilheadII

you only just called him 6 days ago. he's just out of rehab, in a new sober living environment. he has communicated, texted, etc.

he just hasn't responded as quickly or as enthusiastically as you wish. suddenly you are eager to go SEE him, after 2.5 years of n contact. and are upset he didn't immediately make plans with you for that to happen.

sounds like he is doing what he needs to do, keeping his priorities straight. but perhaps you are wanting more from him than he has to offer.

are you sure he's just a "friend" to you?