New to forum RAH cheated
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 1
New to forum RAH cheated
Hi there,
I found this site trying to find more information on the internet about recovering alcoholics.
My RHA has been sober 3 years now and just as i thought life was good and trust was rebuilt I found 2 nights ago je had been sexting with woman from porn sites.
I didnt make a connection to his alcoholism till I talked to my mom and she asked if je had just replaced one with thr other.
The more I think about it the more i am convinced this is the case.
What can I do? Do I stand by him on this one? How will I ever know if he took it further then sexting? Is this common with rah? Does it ever get better? It feels like he keeps getting caught and then switching to something else to get a thrill from doimg something "wrong" or being "bad" Does it ever end? Is it worth working through this or we he always be the damaged person who finds a new way to destroy me.
I found this site trying to find more information on the internet about recovering alcoholics.
My RHA has been sober 3 years now and just as i thought life was good and trust was rebuilt I found 2 nights ago je had been sexting with woman from porn sites.
I didnt make a connection to his alcoholism till I talked to my mom and she asked if je had just replaced one with thr other.
The more I think about it the more i am convinced this is the case.
What can I do? Do I stand by him on this one? How will I ever know if he took it further then sexting? Is this common with rah? Does it ever get better? It feels like he keeps getting caught and then switching to something else to get a thrill from doimg something "wrong" or being "bad" Does it ever end? Is it worth working through this or we he always be the damaged person who finds a new way to destroy me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
Hi
I'm a sex addict in recovery
I'm fellowship since 2009
I am only on day 2 again
But I am determined to recover
Ibam abstaining from
Everything
Porn
Chatlines
Drink
Cigs
In my experience
If I want to be the man I know I am here to be all such dishonest immature behaviour( which is only a symptom ) has to be eradicated.
I have a sponsor in SAA who also is in AA.
For me my behaviour is all one addictive pattern
I can cross addicted with sugar!
We're all different.
I suggest maybe Saa-recovery.org
He may not be a sex addict like I'm not truly an alcoholic but nevertheless I can't drink because it feeds my SA
Or he may have a sexual addiction
I hear your plea.
I'm tryi g to be helpful.
The addicted mind needs discipline
Otherwise in many cases it will like a balloon of water keep pushing over to another part to satisfy itself.
It's one day at a time
I know he's 3 years
But I know people with years in AA
Who are kidding themselves around the sex thing!
Best wishes
G
I'm a sex addict in recovery
I'm fellowship since 2009
I am only on day 2 again
But I am determined to recover
Ibam abstaining from
Everything
Porn
Chatlines
Drink
Cigs
In my experience
If I want to be the man I know I am here to be all such dishonest immature behaviour( which is only a symptom ) has to be eradicated.
I have a sponsor in SAA who also is in AA.
For me my behaviour is all one addictive pattern
I can cross addicted with sugar!
We're all different.
I suggest maybe Saa-recovery.org
He may not be a sex addict like I'm not truly an alcoholic but nevertheless I can't drink because it feeds my SA
Or he may have a sexual addiction
I hear your plea.
I'm tryi g to be helpful.
The addicted mind needs discipline
Otherwise in many cases it will like a balloon of water keep pushing over to another part to satisfy itself.
It's one day at a time
I know he's 3 years
But I know people with years in AA
Who are kidding themselves around the sex thing!
Best wishes
G
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
You refer to him as THE. Do you mean that he is still working on his recovery, or his did in the past.
This recovery malarkey needs to be ongoing. If we stop working on it, it stops. The old restless, irritable and discontent feeling starts sneaking back and we're likely to act out. Possibly rekindling old addictions, or maybe dabbling in new territory. Looking for instant gratification and avoiding responsibility or consequences.
Chances are you will never get to the bottom of exactly what happened here. Betrayal is betrayal, and doesn't need to have culminated in a physical sex act to be so. At the moment you probabky dont know what you want to do regarding this situation. So the thing to do for now is Nothing. Wait, pray for guidance, put those conversations on pause altogether if you want. You don't have to have an instant answer or plan of action. Take your time with this. Maybe explore AlAnon or similar as support for yourself. The friends and family area here is great as well. I should imagine there would be folk the who've been through similar and can offer you their experiences, strength and hope, so maybe post there as well.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
Anyway. Hugs to you. BB
PS Recovery, for most, is where we remind our integrity and learn how to be honest. I suspect that the recovery side of things has slipped, or possibly was never solidly in place anyway. Staying sober is not the same as being in recovery.
This recovery malarkey needs to be ongoing. If we stop working on it, it stops. The old restless, irritable and discontent feeling starts sneaking back and we're likely to act out. Possibly rekindling old addictions, or maybe dabbling in new territory. Looking for instant gratification and avoiding responsibility or consequences.
Chances are you will never get to the bottom of exactly what happened here. Betrayal is betrayal, and doesn't need to have culminated in a physical sex act to be so. At the moment you probabky dont know what you want to do regarding this situation. So the thing to do for now is Nothing. Wait, pray for guidance, put those conversations on pause altogether if you want. You don't have to have an instant answer or plan of action. Take your time with this. Maybe explore AlAnon or similar as support for yourself. The friends and family area here is great as well. I should imagine there would be folk the who've been through similar and can offer you their experiences, strength and hope, so maybe post there as well.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
Anyway. Hugs to you. BB
PS Recovery, for most, is where we remind our integrity and learn how to be honest. I suspect that the recovery side of things has slipped, or possibly was never solidly in place anyway. Staying sober is not the same as being in recovery.
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