Darkflower

I need advise i went out with a friends to drink and play pool soo...i got blackout drunk i dont even remember leaving the bar.....i found out i had sex with this individual which i never wanted to happen i thought i could trust well obviously not i dont know what ro think i feel taken advantage but honestly i dont knlw if i could even consent i dont remember anything the last part of the night is just black....did i get taken advantaged or what is it........please help

Inchworm

I'm so sorry this happened to you, Darkflower. You need some support as you go forth with this. Most communities have a women's crisis agency who would be able to give some guidance. Let us know how you're doing, would you?

Dee74

Hi Darkflower
if you're in the US you can always get some advice from RAINN

National Sexual Assault Hotline. Free. Confidential. 24/7.
Call 800.656.HOPE

https://www.rainn.org/

As an alcoholic I know we should't put ourselves in those situations but as a guy I think anyone who takes advantage of a someone else who's drunk is a lowlife.

I hope you'll think about, or get some advice about, pressing charges, and that you'll get yourself tested - just to be safe.

This is a safe place - if you want to stop drinking there's no better place to be but here @SR

D

Offthemast

Too many variables that aren't known to give advice.

Done4today

Welcome Darkflower,

Sorry to hear of your situation. Dee gave you great advice. I would suggest working on never drinking again so hopefully a similar situation doesn't happen again. Good Luck

Verdantia

hello Darkflower. Blackouts are very frightening and dangerous, and there are vile predators who will take advantage of this helplessness. Dee's advice is right-on. Let this be the wake-up call for you to get serious about your sobriety.
You never need to feel like this ever again. I hope you stick around SR with us; this group has been of huge help in my getting and staying sober. Wishing you peace, strength and sobriety.

entropy1964

I was just thinking about this very thing. I have a 17 year old daughter who will be off to college in a year. I won't drag this out but my message to her (and to myself as I have been in very dangerous alcohol fueled situations) is that she must protect herself. No, it is never ok for a man to take advantage of a woman. But unfortunately men also do things they would never otherwise do when drunk. This is very grey area. Please, for future, protect yourself.

Were you assaulted? I don't know. You found out you had sex, from whom? So you have zero recollection. Please get some help. Get tested for STD's if that's a concern. Forgive yourself if you are feeling shame. Protect yourself for the future.

Anna

Welcome!

Blackouts are scary and dangerous, especially for women. I hope that you never put yourself in a situation like that again.

I also think you should press charges with the police and have yourself tested for STD's by your doctor.

We are here for you if you are ready to stop drinking.

Offthemast

Press charges? He could have been blacked out. It could have been thought consentual in the moment. Just bc someone hooks up and the next day regrets it doesn't make it assault. We live in a scary time where anyone can claim just about anything.

Don't get me wrong. Its a bad situation but like I said, there are too many variables we don't know to go tell someone to file charges. Just my two cents.

Sarahsays

Well it depends doesn't it?

If a person is incoherently drunk and the other is stone cold sober, then it's very different to two very drunk people.

In any case, getting sober and tested is the best thing for your health and happiness, I'm so sorry that this happened to you, I hope nothing like this ever happens again.

Offthemast

Yes. It depends. We don't know the story. Therefore why jump to conclusions?

Sarahsays

I'm not. I just said it depends and wished her good health and happiness, that's all.

PeacefulRain

That’s a tough one.

I’ve been blackout drunk and had sex with my husband. He was shocked the next day to find out I had no memory of it. We were both drunk at the time but he said I didn’t know you were THAT drunk.

Like someone else said there are a lot of variables here.

Sorry this has happened to you. I hope you stick around here with us.

EliL

As i was explaining to a young man at the golf club, when you blackout it is the body's way of trying to keep you conscious and memory is a huge drain on the brain, so it shuts down short term memory to keep you awake. I have been blacked out plenty of times and have been to various places and had multiple conversations etc that i have had relayed back to me and i couldn't remember any of it. It's a pretty bad place to be especially as a female IMO.

It sucks that you felt you could trust this person and i don't know how that person feels about the night but i would have a real serious think about your drinking. Blackout drinking is really dangerous and i know a couple of people who didn't make it back from a good night out from stupid accidents that would never have happened if they had just had a few.

I hope you are giving yourself a lot of slack, you weren't in your right state of mind, you blacked out so anything could have happened. It would be very innappropriate for you to condemn your own actions at any point in the evening as you were blatantly not in full control of your faculties. But like i said really have a look at your drinking patterns please.