smarief

Hi, everyone.

I have been together with my boyfriend for 2 years now. We've moved 6 hours away from our hometown and family. My bf used to drink beer everyday. Now that he has a job he only drinks on the weekend. He drinks about two 6packs of beer a day. When hes not sleeping, hes drinking. I feel so alone in our new city. He works the night shifts so during his work days hes asleep. He says he works hard to enjoy his weekend with beer. He's provided a roof over my head and gives me anything I need no question asked. The only thing is... is his drinking problem. He's an angry drunk so I always feel like Im walking on eggshells on his days off. Hes such a wonderful person sober and thats the person I fell in love with... IDK what to do. I feel lost and alone up here. He says everything he does is for me, and that why cant i just let him have his weekend enjoyment. Ive tried talking to him about it and he always says hes not as bad as he once was. Any advice??

BlownOne

Putting a roof over your head is not the same thing as providing companionship and nurturing each other. That can't happen when one party is more concerned about his "weekend enjoyment" than he is about having a mature committed relationship. I'll be honest: He doesn't sound like much of a catch. And him claiming that "he's not as bad as he once was" is utterly lame. If he's not willing to change and cannot or will not see that his drinking is bothering you and effecting your relationship, maybe it's time to take a good heard look at if you really want to stay in it. Things with his drinking WILL get worse before they get better (if they ever do at all).

least

If his drinking is causing problems, then it's time to look long and hard at the relationship. If his anger causes you to avoid 'irritating' him, that's not good.

I'd also suggest you find an AlAnon meeting for some support for you.

doggonecarl

I defended my drinking for 35 years before I decided I needed to quit. No one could convince me. You are two years into your relationship with a drinker. Do you want to wait 33 years for him to realize he needs to quit?

Of course, it may not take him 30+ more years. But he sounds like he's no where close to considering sobriety.

Done4today

you don't make him drink and you can't make him stop.

If there are al-anon meetings in your area, they might help you understand alcoholism. One expectation you can have is his drinking won't get better if he is an alcoholic. I suggest setting boundaries with him and sticking with them. Your sanity and emotional well being shouldn't depend on his behavior. Good luck

RUL23

I know everyone is different....but my girlfriend helped open my eyes to how I am a different person when drinking. I'm not necesarrily angry or mean, just not as pleasant, funny, or enjoyable to be around as I am sober. We have been together for almost three years. The past 52 days that I have been sober have "been the best of our relationship"

Hope he comes around and wants to change. He must want it though.