First time speaking about alcoholism
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 11
First time speaking about alcoholism
Well that cooks my crumpet. i accidentally hit send on a message, and after finishing it my 15 minute window expired. So here goes round 2.
Yo. First time poster and apart from my fiance and 3 psychologists who i bailed on ive never spoken about this secret alcoholism to anyone. Perhaps having a community of likeminded individuals like yourselves could be the key.
Ill try to keep this short but maybe saying some of the following will bring some catharsism.
Im 32 and ive been drinking for 10 years and its only getting worse. A bottle of whiskey a day or three bottles of wine a day kind of thing. And im at a point in my life where I can die from alcohol abuse, lose everything and everyone i love or both. So im here to make a change and begin a new chapter of my life.
Isn't it strange that you can attempt to quit smoking and get high 5s from your family and peers along with patches and gum but if you want to talk about being a recovering alcoholic? Nope. We dont do that. Its like a taboo subject here where youre just damaged goods and a tramp.
Ironically i havent spoken about it so maybe im wrong but that's how it feels for me.
I plan on changing this stupid life i lead and accept that i probably cant touch a drink for the rest of my life. One beers too many and one hundred isn't enough.
But ive got a couple of things I'd always wanted to ask and I think im im the right spot.
1. I'm getting married soon. How the F does one have no drinks at their own bucks party or wedding? How do you deal with an event that youre 'supposed to drink at?
2. I cant be the only one here who loves a really amazing wine or whiskey or whatever. Im sitting on a collection of wines that im so excited to explore but im beginning to come to terms with the fact that i just cant. How do you deal when you know you can't have the full experience at a restaurant or try a DLC or a wine from 35 years ago that is one of a kind?
Its laughable that i got here drinking the cheapest booze i could to not go broke and now I have a bunch of rare wines that ive always wanted to try and now cant.
The thought of only having made it 6 months and now having to begin again is like a crushing pressure that i cant lift. I know what I want to do but I cant see it happening. Its that black cloud that im sure everyone here is familiar with.
You have my thanks for reading this far and you have it again if you can share your wisdom with me. Cheers. *Raises glass of FU@#%NG mineral water*
Yo. First time poster and apart from my fiance and 3 psychologists who i bailed on ive never spoken about this secret alcoholism to anyone. Perhaps having a community of likeminded individuals like yourselves could be the key.
Ill try to keep this short but maybe saying some of the following will bring some catharsism.
Im 32 and ive been drinking for 10 years and its only getting worse. A bottle of whiskey a day or three bottles of wine a day kind of thing. And im at a point in my life where I can die from alcohol abuse, lose everything and everyone i love or both. So im here to make a change and begin a new chapter of my life.
Isn't it strange that you can attempt to quit smoking and get high 5s from your family and peers along with patches and gum but if you want to talk about being a recovering alcoholic? Nope. We dont do that. Its like a taboo subject here where youre just damaged goods and a tramp.
Ironically i havent spoken about it so maybe im wrong but that's how it feels for me.
I plan on changing this stupid life i lead and accept that i probably cant touch a drink for the rest of my life. One beers too many and one hundred isn't enough.
But ive got a couple of things I'd always wanted to ask and I think im im the right spot.
1. I'm getting married soon. How the F does one have no drinks at their own bucks party or wedding? How do you deal with an event that youre 'supposed to drink at?
2. I cant be the only one here who loves a really amazing wine or whiskey or whatever. Im sitting on a collection of wines that im so excited to explore but im beginning to come to terms with the fact that i just cant. How do you deal when you know you can't have the full experience at a restaurant or try a DLC or a wine from 35 years ago that is one of a kind?
Its laughable that i got here drinking the cheapest booze i could to not go broke and now I have a bunch of rare wines that ive always wanted to try and now cant.
The thought of only having made it 6 months and now having to begin again is like a crushing pressure that i cant lift. I know what I want to do but I cant see it happening. Its that black cloud that im sure everyone here is familiar with.
You have my thanks for reading this far and you have it again if you can share your wisdom with me. Cheers. *Raises glass of FU@#%NG mineral water*
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
Hi MF.
Thanks for your post.
The crushing pressure you mention.
Yeah I definitely get that.
I'm new here
Get well slip get well slip.
I'm posting and sharing a lot.
The wedding
Without booze I get that too.
I'm 51 a male
I've been there I'm unfortunately still not sober but I keep coming back
I believe if I keep getting up then one day I'll make it back to life and the need for changing the way I feel will be no more.
I am under no illusion though that it one day at a time takes great courage honesty patience and above all sincere commitment!
We are each responsible for our own well-being!
I wish you well.
Ghoster
Thanks for your post.
The crushing pressure you mention.
Yeah I definitely get that.
I'm new here
Get well slip get well slip.
I'm posting and sharing a lot.
The wedding
Without booze I get that too.
I'm 51 a male
I've been there I'm unfortunately still not sober but I keep coming back
I believe if I keep getting up then one day I'll make it back to life and the need for changing the way I feel will be no more.
I am under no illusion though that it one day at a time takes great courage honesty patience and above all sincere commitment!
We are each responsible for our own well-being!
I wish you well.
Ghoster
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Yo! Expect many responses. So I will not bore you with one of the repetitive remarks you are about to receive. I will tell you that I was a wine 'expert' many years go. I only drank the high end single malt or other overly expensive whiskeys available, I was an expert on tequilla at one point and people would come to me for advice. And I was an IPA aficionado at one point as well.
Before it came to the point when I needed to quit drinking, I would get a handle of cheap vodka - cause it got really expensive drinking the 'good stuff'. I'd buy the discount beer for the same reason. And I'd also get the cheap whiskey because it didn't really matter. So I understand where you are coming from.
Many people told me I didn't have a problem - they just didn't know it.
Many people are threatened by your choice to quit drinking because it is a reflection of themselves - and they refuse to admit that they may have a problem too.
As for events at which you are expected to drink, you are just going to have to make a stand and refuse.
Before it came to the point when I needed to quit drinking, I would get a handle of cheap vodka - cause it got really expensive drinking the 'good stuff'. I'd buy the discount beer for the same reason. And I'd also get the cheap whiskey because it didn't really matter. So I understand where you are coming from.
Many people told me I didn't have a problem - they just didn't know it.
Many people are threatened by your choice to quit drinking because it is a reflection of themselves - and they refuse to admit that they may have a problem too.
As for events at which you are expected to drink, you are just going to have to make a stand and refuse.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
Originally Posted by LBrain 
Yo! Expect many responses. So I will not bore you with one of the repetitive remarks you are about to receive. I will tell you that I was a wine 'expert' many years go. I only drank the high end single malt or other overly expensive whiskeys available, I was an expert on tequilla at one point and people would come to me for advice. And I was an IPA aficionado at one point as well.
Before it came to the point when I needed to quit drinking, I would get a handle of cheap vodka - cause it got really expensive drinking the 'good stuff'. I'd buy the discount beer for the same reason. And I'd also get the cheap whiskey because it didn't really matter. So I understand where you are coming from.
Many people told me I didn't have a problem - they just didn't know it.
Many people are threatened by your choice to quit drinking because it is a reflection of themselves - and they refuse to admit that they may have a problem too.
As for events at which you are expected to drink, you are just going to have to make a stand and refuse.
Before it came to the point when I needed to quit drinking, I would get a handle of cheap vodka - cause it got really expensive drinking the 'good stuff'. I'd buy the discount beer for the same reason. And I'd also get the cheap whiskey because it didn't really matter. So I understand where you are coming from.
Many people told me I didn't have a problem - they just didn't know it.
Many people are threatened by your choice to quit drinking because it is a reflection of themselves - and they refuse to admit that they may have a problem too.
As for events at which you are expected to drink, you are just going to have to make a stand and refuse.
1) You'd be surprised how many people will applaud your decision to stop drinking. It's not for everyone, but I like telling people.
2) Wedding is tough, but again, if people know you're in recovery, especially close family, they will mostly be supportive. If not, you need to distance yourself if you really want to get sober.
3) There's no way in hell I'd have a bachelor party if I were sober, particularly in early stages of sobriety. Or at least have a sober bachelor party. Since much of the point of a bachelor party is to get wasted, not a good plan.
4) I was a trained sommelier and had about 12 cases of wine worth thousands of dollars when I got sober. I was also really good at pairing wine with food. Sure, I miss that part of drinking, but I like sobriety more than I like the wine experience. I still pair wine with food for friends just from the nose. Again, not for everyone. My addictive drinking was more about hard liquor alone anyway, until the end where I had a binge that cost several thousand dollars.
You can do this. What do you want more, not to drink to excess or the occasional toast and pleasure of wine? It's highly doubtful that you can have both.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
Posts: 1,138
I'm such a wine and alcohol "expert" that I own a wine bar. At the end of the day it's all just excuses to catch a buzz. Ones liver can only handle so much booze.
"Missing out" on some rare alcohol isn't really missing out on anything. You certainly don't gain any value by drinking it.
"Missing out" on some rare alcohol isn't really missing out on anything. You certainly don't gain any value by drinking it.
Mr
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 5,230
i live in france, wooo, so i liked fine wines.
im from ireland so i liked whiskey.
a glass of 18 year old glenlivet getting up in the morning.
first glass with that little fire in the throat feeling...... oh man.
then another glass, then some more, then some drugs, then blackout. then fight with wife. then trouble with the law. then hospital. then handcuffs again, then one months sick leave from "good" job, then sober again then relapse, then harder drugs, then sorrow and sober again and then do it all again.
A bit of a cycle.
I am 41 now and getting my life back on track. (well working at it over the last few years)
Dont lose another 10 years. You are young enough to make a real difference in your life. And yu are old enough to enter pure and evil alcoholism.
If you posted here there is a good chance you can never drink normally in your life. NEVER.
Weclome by the way
Hope you enjoy a sober wedding, truly do !
V.
im from ireland so i liked whiskey.
a glass of 18 year old glenlivet getting up in the morning.
first glass with that little fire in the throat feeling...... oh man.
then another glass, then some more, then some drugs, then blackout. then fight with wife. then trouble with the law. then hospital. then handcuffs again, then one months sick leave from "good" job, then sober again then relapse, then harder drugs, then sorrow and sober again and then do it all again.
A bit of a cycle.
I am 41 now and getting my life back on track. (well working at it over the last few years)
Dont lose another 10 years. You are young enough to make a real difference in your life. And yu are old enough to enter pure and evil alcoholism.
If you posted here there is a good chance you can never drink normally in your life. NEVER.
Weclome by the way
Hope you enjoy a sober wedding, truly do !
V.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 251
Welcome. I too am getting married right next month. I have my bridal shower in 2 weeks and my bachelorette in 3. I had such indecision about quitting drinking because of my upcoming wedding, but deep down I KNEW I had to get sober. So, I kept trying and failing because of these events i was "supposed to drink at" . I told myself I would quit after the wedding. Well, everytime ive drank since, has solidified why I absolutely should not continue drinking up to my wedding, because their might not be one. I want to go into this new chapter of my life sober, and now I know there is always going to be an event coming up your expected to drink at. Once you put your foot down and are willing to go to any lengths to get sober, the excuses and parties wont outweigh your sobriety. My thinking was totally backwards. I was fantasizing alcohol- which long ago became not fun. Now I am excited to get married sober, and remember every single little thing. Not make a fool of myself. It aint cute being a wasted bride. Sorry I wrote alot lol. I am going to document each experience on SR here as well!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,468
Welcome,
Congrats on your future wedding, how exciting!
As for the bachelor party, talk to your best man and see if you can do something not revolved around drinking, like go skydiving. There are many people who can do these events sober and not think twice about it, I wish that for you!
Try not to look at the future, this is a one day at a time situation and in your case, it sounds like life or death, choose wisley!
The people who actually matter will applaud you and be happy for you. The people who are NOT are probably the people who also abuse alcohol, and it would suck for them to look at themselves. These people I have personally EX'd out of my life, if you are not with me, you are against me in some way shape or form.
Blessings,
DC
Congrats on your future wedding, how exciting!
As for the bachelor party, talk to your best man and see if you can do something not revolved around drinking, like go skydiving. There are many people who can do these events sober and not think twice about it, I wish that for you!
Try not to look at the future, this is a one day at a time situation and in your case, it sounds like life or death, choose wisley!
The people who actually matter will applaud you and be happy for you. The people who are NOT are probably the people who also abuse alcohol, and it would suck for them to look at themselves. These people I have personally EX'd out of my life, if you are not with me, you are against me in some way shape or form.
Blessings,
DC
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Northwest U.S.
Posts: 778
Welcome Muffinface. I'm glad you joined SR; lots of good folks here. What I would say to you is don't worry too much about what others think and don't get too caught up in the future, such as what happens to your expensive wine collection. Right now, right this very moment, you have a problem. You have taken two huge steps by recognizing the problem and identifying the solution. So for now, just don't drink today. Put together a written plan for your recovery and follow it day by day. Once you get some sober time under your belt, these other issues won't be as big as they seem today. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,077
Hi Muffinface--I'm very glad you're here. It really is possible to have fun without drink, although it took me entirely too long to figure that out. In my experience my loved ones were very supportive and happy at my decision not to drink.
Please don't consider those six months sober to be a waste; you have learned valuable lessons during that time--use that knowledge to help make this quit permanent.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, and I wish you peace and strength.
Please don't consider those six months sober to be a waste; you have learned valuable lessons during that time--use that knowledge to help make this quit permanent.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, and I wish you peace and strength.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 11
Very moving comments i thank you all. If theres one thing I remember the first day sober (for me anyway) is always the hardest. So I'll be reading and re-reading a lot of content here for the immediate future id say!
Its like we discovered the sh#%tiest form of time travel. I can wake up after a 6 month bender like it was days and its like 'oops did it again' But six months sober was like slow motion.
Tell you what though. I was happy, focussed, productive and I got that look from my partner like she was proud of me.
We can do this. Good luck to you all
Its like we discovered the sh#%tiest form of time travel. I can wake up after a 6 month bender like it was days and its like 'oops did it again' But six months sober was like slow motion.
Tell you what though. I was happy, focussed, productive and I got that look from my partner like she was proud of me.
We can do this. Good luck to you all
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Im 32 and ive been drinking for 10 years and its only getting worse. A bottle of whiskey a day or three bottles of wine a day kind of thing. And im at a point in my life where I can die from alcohol abuse, lose everything and everyone i love or both. So im here to make a change and begin a new chapter of my life.
So that's the part of this post that seems to be the most salient. I would say that your consumption level puts at the late stage level. Maybe because you're young you haven't begun to really suffer serious negative losses.....for example, the fiancé. But alcoholism is progressive. Keep drinking and it will get worse.
You are getting married, congrats. What is your wedding day without drinking? An opportunity to make it truly memorable and added bonus, decrease the likelihood of doing something truly regrettable.
Stag party without booze? What? Because it would be awkward and weird to do the stuff one does at a stag party sober? Well, maybe that's the real issue. If ya can't do it sober, is it a good idea to do it drunk? Maybe blaze a new trail and just have a good time with friends....sans the regrettable, drunk stuff.
You sound like you have much to look forward to beyond fine wines and whiskey. Take it one step at a time. Just stop drinking. Let the rest unfold as you drop the huge daily consumption of alcohol.
So that's the part of this post that seems to be the most salient. I would say that your consumption level puts at the late stage level. Maybe because you're young you haven't begun to really suffer serious negative losses.....for example, the fiancé. But alcoholism is progressive. Keep drinking and it will get worse.
You are getting married, congrats. What is your wedding day without drinking? An opportunity to make it truly memorable and added bonus, decrease the likelihood of doing something truly regrettable.
Stag party without booze? What? Because it would be awkward and weird to do the stuff one does at a stag party sober? Well, maybe that's the real issue. If ya can't do it sober, is it a good idea to do it drunk? Maybe blaze a new trail and just have a good time with friends....sans the regrettable, drunk stuff.
You sound like you have much to look forward to beyond fine wines and whiskey. Take it one step at a time. Just stop drinking. Let the rest unfold as you drop the huge daily consumption of alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
Hi Muffinface, "well that cooks my crumpet" is the best thing I've read today, that's for sure! Come on over and join us in the January class, we are all somewhere near day 1. You can do this.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,320
Hi Muffinface
I had no idea how I was going to do things sober - I drank all day everyday for any reason - but my drinking was literally killing me, so I stopped.
Ten years on there been no occasions where I had to drink or where a drink could make things better.
Things work out
I changed - but changed in a good way. I have absolutely no regrets
D
I had no idea how I was going to do things sober - I drank all day everyday for any reason - but my drinking was literally killing me, so I stopped.
Ten years on there been no occasions where I had to drink or where a drink could make things better.
Things work out
I changed - but changed in a good way. I have absolutely no regrets
D
Last edited by Dee74; 01-10-2018 at 06:29 PM.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,511
Great to meet you, Muffinface. Be proud of yourself - and thankful - that you've arrived at this decision. We're so glad you joined us - being here will help with the anxiety you'll probably feel at times. You're in good company, and you're never alone.
When I was your age I knew that I needed to stop. Instead of taking action, I kept trying to manage it. I had the same thoughts about missing out. Surely nothing would ever be fun or relaxing without it. I should have tried to figure out why I felt that way & worked on my problems - but I just continued to ramp up my intake. In the end, I was drinking all day with a ruined life. Ended up doing things I never imagined I could. You'll be saving yourself so much misery.
When I was your age I knew that I needed to stop. Instead of taking action, I kept trying to manage it. I had the same thoughts about missing out. Surely nothing would ever be fun or relaxing without it. I should have tried to figure out why I felt that way & worked on my problems - but I just continued to ramp up my intake. In the end, I was drinking all day with a ruined life. Ended up doing things I never imagined I could. You'll be saving yourself so much misery.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
My experience, first I recovered from alcoholism. Then, a few years later, I got married. I didn't bother with a stag night as I had a different type of friend by that time and it just wasn't an attractive idea. My wife had a good time at her hen night though.
The wedding day and wedding breakfast were memorable for all the right reasons. My being a recovered alcoholic was a non issue. I did suffer some pain though. My face was sore from all the smiling.
Being recovered means I can go anywhere and do anything (except drink and maybe one or two other things) that free men and women can do. I have no fear of alcohol anymore than I fear petrol or weed killer. I have a normal happy life of permanent sobriety. The drink problem was removed long ago.
The wedding day and wedding breakfast were memorable for all the right reasons. My being a recovered alcoholic was a non issue. I did suffer some pain though. My face was sore from all the smiling.
Being recovered means I can go anywhere and do anything (except drink and maybe one or two other things) that free men and women can do. I have no fear of alcohol anymore than I fear petrol or weed killer. I have a normal happy life of permanent sobriety. The drink problem was removed long ago.
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