The In-Between Place
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
The In-Between Place
I had to go searching hard for this passage - who knew the word "between" would turn up so many results in the search engine, ha!
This is Me right now - exactly where I am & exactly what I'm struggling with. Sharing in case it resonates with any of the rest of you today:
From The Language of Letting Go
In Between
Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in between.
One of the hardest parts of recovery is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, but what we don't want, and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for God to fill them.
This may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger. In some ways, these feelings may have become comfortably familiar. When we finally face and relinquish our grief, we may feel empty for a time. We are in between pain and the joy of serenity and acceptance.
Being in between can apply to relationships. To prepare ourselves for the new, we need to first let go of the old. This can be frightening. We may feel empty and lost for a time. We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of the proverbial bird in hand, when there is nothing in the bush.
Being in between can apply to many areas of life and recovery. We can be in between jobs, careers, homes, or goals. We can be in between behaviors as we let go of the old and are not certain what we will replace it with. This can apply to behaviors that have protected and served us well all of our life, such as caretaking and controlling.
We may have many feelings going on when we're in between: spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost, and feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension about what's ahead. These are normal feelings for the in between place. Accept them. Feel them. Release them.
Being in between isn't fun, but it's necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we're standing still, but we're not. We're standing at the in between place. It's how we get from here to there. It is not the destination.
We are moving forward, even when we're in between.
Today, I will accept where I am as the ideal place for me to be. If I am in between, I will strive for the faith that this place is not without purpose, that it is moving me toward something good.
This is Me right now - exactly where I am & exactly what I'm struggling with. Sharing in case it resonates with any of the rest of you today:
From The Language of Letting Go
In Between
Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in between.
One of the hardest parts of recovery is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, but what we don't want, and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for God to fill them.
This may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger. In some ways, these feelings may have become comfortably familiar. When we finally face and relinquish our grief, we may feel empty for a time. We are in between pain and the joy of serenity and acceptance.
Being in between can apply to relationships. To prepare ourselves for the new, we need to first let go of the old. This can be frightening. We may feel empty and lost for a time. We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of the proverbial bird in hand, when there is nothing in the bush.
Being in between can apply to many areas of life and recovery. We can be in between jobs, careers, homes, or goals. We can be in between behaviors as we let go of the old and are not certain what we will replace it with. This can apply to behaviors that have protected and served us well all of our life, such as caretaking and controlling.
We may have many feelings going on when we're in between: spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost, and feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension about what's ahead. These are normal feelings for the in between place. Accept them. Feel them. Release them.
Being in between isn't fun, but it's necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we're standing still, but we're not. We're standing at the in between place. It's how we get from here to there. It is not the destination.
We are moving forward, even when we're in between.
Today, I will accept where I am as the ideal place for me to be. If I am in between, I will strive for the faith that this place is not without purpose, that it is moving me toward something good.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 284
WOW! Thank you, Firesprite.
I've been a planner my whole life. I make my lists and cross them off, one by one....Right now, as I wait for my divorce to (hopefully) finally get sorted out, I realize there is no plan for life after divorce. I don't know whether or not to move. I don't know whether or not to change jobs. I just don't know what to do or what should come next and it is SCARY. It really terrifies me.
This post is so powerful to me at the moment, helping me to accept that I'm just in between and for right now, I guess that is going to have to be OK. Uncomfortable but OK.
THANK YOU!
I've been a planner my whole life. I make my lists and cross them off, one by one....Right now, as I wait for my divorce to (hopefully) finally get sorted out, I realize there is no plan for life after divorce. I don't know whether or not to move. I don't know whether or not to change jobs. I just don't know what to do or what should come next and it is SCARY. It really terrifies me.
This post is so powerful to me at the moment, helping me to accept that I'm just in between and for right now, I guess that is going to have to be OK. Uncomfortable but OK.
THANK YOU!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 415
Thank you FireSprite!
This is exactly what I needed today. Yes, this “in between” is very uncomfortable. I have always been a planner and the situation with my AH has turned my life upside down and the healthier I get the more raw I feel as it has forced me to look at things in my family of origin that I didn’t want to see.
So, while uncomfortable I now understand (or am trying to) that this phase is necessary and it is so relieving that it will pass.
This is exactly what I needed today. Yes, this “in between” is very uncomfortable. I have always been a planner and the situation with my AH has turned my life upside down and the healthier I get the more raw I feel as it has forced me to look at things in my family of origin that I didn’t want to see.
So, while uncomfortable I now understand (or am trying to) that this phase is necessary and it is so relieving that it will pass.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
To date this is one of my favorite LOLG days. It helped through so many bad times, and through so much negative mental space.
I was not the type of person that just lets something be what it is very easily....but this reading calmed that need to DO SOMETHING!
This one too
Language of Letting Go - April 21 - Waiting
Waiting
Wait. If the time is not right, the way is not clear, the answer or decision not consistent, wait.
We may feel a sense of urgency. We may want to resolve the issue by doing something - anything now, but that action is not in our best interest.
Living with confusion or unsolved problems is difficult. It is easier to resolve things. But making a decision too soon, doing something before it's time, means we may have to go back and redo it.
If the time is not right, wait. If the way is not clear, do not plunge forward. If the answer or decision feels muddy, wait.
In this new way of life, there is a Guiding Force. We do not ever have to move too soon or move out of harmony. Waiting is an action - a positive, forceful action.
Often, waiting is a God-guided action, one with as much power as a decision, and more power than an urgent, ill-timed decision.
We do not have to pressure ourselves by insisting that we do or know something before it's time. When it is time, we will know. We will move into that time naturally and harmoniously. We will have peace and consistency. We will feel empowered in a way we do not feel today.
Deal with the panic, the urgency, and the fear; do not let them control or dictate decisions.
Waiting isn't easy. It isn't fun. But waiting is often necessary to get what we want. It is not dead time; it is not downtime. The answer will come. The power will come. The time will come. And it will be right.
Today, I will wait, if waiting is the action I need in order to take care of myself. I will know that I am taking a positive, forceful action by waiting until the time is right. God, help me let go of my fear, urgency, and panic. Help me learn the art of waiting until the time is right. Help me learn timing.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation
I was not the type of person that just lets something be what it is very easily....but this reading calmed that need to DO SOMETHING!
This one too
Language of Letting Go - April 21 - Waiting
Waiting
Wait. If the time is not right, the way is not clear, the answer or decision not consistent, wait.
We may feel a sense of urgency. We may want to resolve the issue by doing something - anything now, but that action is not in our best interest.
Living with confusion or unsolved problems is difficult. It is easier to resolve things. But making a decision too soon, doing something before it's time, means we may have to go back and redo it.
If the time is not right, wait. If the way is not clear, do not plunge forward. If the answer or decision feels muddy, wait.
In this new way of life, there is a Guiding Force. We do not ever have to move too soon or move out of harmony. Waiting is an action - a positive, forceful action.
Often, waiting is a God-guided action, one with as much power as a decision, and more power than an urgent, ill-timed decision.
We do not have to pressure ourselves by insisting that we do or know something before it's time. When it is time, we will know. We will move into that time naturally and harmoniously. We will have peace and consistency. We will feel empowered in a way we do not feel today.
Deal with the panic, the urgency, and the fear; do not let them control or dictate decisions.
Waiting isn't easy. It isn't fun. But waiting is often necessary to get what we want. It is not dead time; it is not downtime. The answer will come. The power will come. The time will come. And it will be right.
Today, I will wait, if waiting is the action I need in order to take care of myself. I will know that I am taking a positive, forceful action by waiting until the time is right. God, help me let go of my fear, urgency, and panic. Help me learn the art of waiting until the time is right. Help me learn timing.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 15
Thank you for this. I, too, am in this awful place.. I'm neither here nor there. We're not together nor separated.. he's not drunk but he's not recovered. I feel stuck but this gives meaning to this stage; it gives this time a purpose.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Definitely agree with you dandy. I looked through the sticky posts thinking I would find this passage & bump the thread but I had no luck and reposted instead. (Searching can be fickle with common words like "between")
I know I've personally come back to the passage many times over the course of my recovery and the one thing I've learned here at SR is that I'm never the ONLY one. I vote for sticky!
I know I've personally come back to the passage many times over the course of my recovery and the one thing I've learned here at SR is that I'm never the ONLY one. I vote for sticky!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
For all the people who feel that there lives are in "limbo".... its ok accepting where you are right now. It's better then where you were, and it's not as good as it will be. Accept that this is our higher powers plan for us, not ours. We don't need to force a solution. Let time pass, step back, let whatever happens, happen. When we do this, it all falls into place as it should. I know it is very hard for us type A personalities, who's lives have been so out of control, but you can do this.
You then lower the anxiety of "I need to be doing something", no you really dont. Sit back, take the time to slowly empower yourself and you will get to the point to do what you need to do. Life is short and over time we have gotten ourselves in a place that we can no longer live with. But in time we will get ourselves back to where we need to be....BREATH!! Just trust that it will happen for each and everyone of us.
We all got this, we just don't realize that we have the power to change. It will come, just be a little more patient!! Hugs to all!!!
You then lower the anxiety of "I need to be doing something", no you really dont. Sit back, take the time to slowly empower yourself and you will get to the point to do what you need to do. Life is short and over time we have gotten ourselves in a place that we can no longer live with. But in time we will get ourselves back to where we need to be....BREATH!! Just trust that it will happen for each and everyone of us.
We all got this, we just don't realize that we have the power to change. It will come, just be a little more patient!! Hugs to all!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 500
Wow I really needed this. Living in limbo is the hardest thing in the world for me. I held on so long because of fear of uncertainty. Its amazing how bad things had to get before I could see the uncertainty as a better situation than staying. I still have the strong pull of wanting security even if its ugly to look at. Thanks for posting this
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Dawnrising,
You are no different than an addict. They/you really need to hit the lows of lows before you truly change. You are there and making changes, all part of the plan.
I too felt like I was hanging from the side of a building waiting to fall. When life is crazy, we make crazy decisions. We need to step back and make calculated, thought out decisions that we can follow through with. Hugs to you!!
You are no different than an addict. They/you really need to hit the lows of lows before you truly change. You are there and making changes, all part of the plan.
I too felt like I was hanging from the side of a building waiting to fall. When life is crazy, we make crazy decisions. We need to step back and make calculated, thought out decisions that we can follow through with. Hugs to you!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Yes I am here now in this in-between place. It is a better place to be than where I was especially towards the end of my relationship with my addict.
Cant say I like this in-between place much either. I feel like I am nowhere. I hope one day to no longer be in this in-between place. Its hard for me to imagine what that will be like.
Thank you FireSprite for posting this information. Was a good read.
Cant say I like this in-between place much either. I feel like I am nowhere. I hope one day to no longer be in this in-between place. Its hard for me to imagine what that will be like.
Thank you FireSprite for posting this information. Was a good read.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 223
As a former “gotta Control it all” gal, The in between can be awful-anxiety ridden, thought spinning andsnowballing, etc. With faith and knowing it’s all ok, it is all ok. Instead of thinking of the in between as the “nothing” before you get somewhere else, think of it as a resting place to gain strength, learn, etc to PREPARE for what’s ahead. Not one moment wasted. Just living in the moment and being present-in the now and in between. If you are a person of faith, you realize this whole life we live is the in between...so live each moment to the fullest!!
My two cents
My two cents
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
The summer XAH and I divorced, I found this poem. It really spoke to me, and I printed it out to hang next to the chair I sit in when I use my spinning wheel. I PM'd it to FireSprite after reading some of her recent postings, and I would like to share it here, too. Hope it provides some help and peace; it certainly did and still does for me.
Waiting
Sometimes we find ourselves in Life's waiting room.
What was is gone.
What will be is not yet cresting on
Our inner or outer horizon.
If we know in our bones that clarity will come
When the time is right,
The wait can be delicious rest,
A slow motion meander of long slow inhales
Of exhales filled with full-body smiles
And deep-heart-acceptance.
~ Oriah Mountain Dreamer
Waiting
Sometimes we find ourselves in Life's waiting room.
What was is gone.
What will be is not yet cresting on
Our inner or outer horizon.
If we know in our bones that clarity will come
When the time is right,
The wait can be delicious rest,
A slow motion meander of long slow inhales
Of exhales filled with full-body smiles
And deep-heart-acceptance.
~ Oriah Mountain Dreamer
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 500
Thank you Honeypig for the poem its beautiful. My very wise older sister gave me some great advise, she too had her life "blown up" for different reasons but before she got on her new much better, more fulfilling path she was in the in-between. where according to her "the year of demolition"(parts of her life blew up that she was happy with, it was like no part of her was left in the original state) began, she told me not to discount that period of demolition that it is important for rest, recovery and clarity so that when its time for the new path all the old baggage is left behindincluding stuff you didn't know was there. While she was in that year she was impatient and frustrated things weren't moving on her timeline but now she looks back and sees the "magic" in that time period.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
I loved the poem honeypig; I've read it many times over already. I posted copies of it next to my desk & at home on my vision boards (aka kitchen cabinets to the rest of you).
This is beautiful & so similar to what I was talking wit my BFF about this morning. Our conversation resonated similar to this point:
This is the space I generally reside in, every day. Feeling pulled out of that zone feels icky & gross & as soon as I find myself in that gloomy place I just decide to choose to NOT give in to it & fight for purchase back to my safe zone.
I'm finding my biggest challenge to be holding myself back from throwing fuel on the fires that are burning or starting some new ones of my own. This is becoming the biggest challenge to me during this particular phase of In-Between. I'm not terribly vengeful, but extreme emotional moments are NOT an ally to my Sicilian-German-Irish DNA. Just sayin'.
Originally Posted by dawnrising 
.....she told me not to discount that period of demolition that it is important for rest, recovery and clarity so that when its time for the new path all the old baggage is left behind including stuff you didn't know was there. While she was in that year she was impatient and frustrated things weren't moving on her timeline but now she looks back and sees the "magic" in that time period.
Originally Posted by thephoenixrises
If you are a person of faith, you realize this whole life we live is the in between...so live each moment to the fullest!!
I'm finding my biggest challenge to be holding myself back from throwing fuel on the fires that are burning or starting some new ones of my own. This is becoming the biggest challenge to me during this particular phase of In-Between. I'm not terribly vengeful, but extreme emotional moments are NOT an ally to my Sicilian-German-Irish DNA. Just sayin'.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
