Back and forth feelings...
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Back and forth feelings...
My dog was very sick last night-I think she gets acid reflux, so I was up with her all night trying to soothe. AH said to put her in her kennel which is downstairs, but she tries to eat her blankets when she is having an “episode” with this. “So take her blankets out of there” he said. I couldn’t do that, leave her down there by herself without even a blanket to lay on. I guess I am telling this because now here I sit, AH’s solution last night was just throw her in her kennel and go to sleep. She was so scared and suffering-I cannot find a place in my mind where I could ever do that to her. Now I have taken yet another day off work. And I am depressed.
My mom (A) finally called me last night, after I had told her what was going on back on thanksgiving this is the first I heard from her since. I told her that I didn’t know that my marriage was going to make it and said that it seemed she was angry at me for some reason. She said she thought I was mad at her, and for the first time in my life I admitted that I was angry that she not once picked up the phone to offer support or just let me know that she cared. She never really said she was sorry just that she thought I was mad at her and that’s why she hadn’t reached out.
I also told my dad (A) that the marriage was most likely not going to make it and he told me that it is in my best interest to stay in the marriage - no reason, just that it’s in my best interest.
I am feeling VERY alone and scared spitless. I desparetely want to take my dogs and get the f0ck out of all of this. Get a different job and just go. I read the CPTSD post and really identified with it and the symptoms. I am not suicidal but just feeling very helpless and so alone! And sorry for myself because I don’t know what I did in my life to deserve this hell right now. These should be some of the happiest years of my life and I am stuck with all of this YUCK.
My mom (A) finally called me last night, after I had told her what was going on back on thanksgiving this is the first I heard from her since. I told her that I didn’t know that my marriage was going to make it and said that it seemed she was angry at me for some reason. She said she thought I was mad at her, and for the first time in my life I admitted that I was angry that she not once picked up the phone to offer support or just let me know that she cared. She never really said she was sorry just that she thought I was mad at her and that’s why she hadn’t reached out.
I also told my dad (A) that the marriage was most likely not going to make it and he told me that it is in my best interest to stay in the marriage - no reason, just that it’s in my best interest.
I am feeling VERY alone and scared spitless. I desparetely want to take my dogs and get the f0ck out of all of this. Get a different job and just go. I read the CPTSD post and really identified with it and the symptoms. I am not suicidal but just feeling very helpless and so alone! And sorry for myself because I don’t know what I did in my life to deserve this hell right now. These should be some of the happiest years of my life and I am stuck with all of this YUCK.
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ST, try to shift your internal narrative away from being "stuck" forever, if you can. There are options out there for you, but they will take time and effort to figure out. They may not be ideal, but then, neither are your current circumstances.
You did nothing to deserve this, it's just where you are right now. And no wonder you are depressed when you are surrounded by addicts without a tenth of your compassion.
You did nothing to deserve this, it's just where you are right now. And no wonder you are depressed when you are surrounded by addicts without a tenth of your compassion.
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Sending you a hug.
It’s your life, not theirs. It would be wonderful if they could be supportive but they are probably not informed about alcoholism and there’s a ton of misinformation out there.
You’re a great dog mom. I’ve had a couple of dogs who had reflux and what helped was small meals, several times a day, a small carbohydrate meal right before bed and the best dog kibble I could afford. You can also talk to your vet about some OTC human meds that may help.
Stress is a big component, FWIW, just like with humans.
It’s your life, not theirs. It would be wonderful if they could be supportive but they are probably not informed about alcoholism and there’s a ton of misinformation out there.
You’re a great dog mom. I’ve had a couple of dogs who had reflux and what helped was small meals, several times a day, a small carbohydrate meal right before bed and the best dog kibble I could afford. You can also talk to your vet about some OTC human meds that may help.
Stress is a big component, FWIW, just like with humans.
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Scary Time.....why not call the vet and ask what to do/give her, when she has these kinds of episodes? Certainly, don't listen to someone who knows less than you do about it....
Your dad comes from a generation that has a lot of sexist attitudes....just try to accept him as he is...forgive for what he doesn't know...and go on....don' t seek approval/support/validation on these k inds of matters, from him.
You must live your life by your own values....that is a part of flying free from the nest....
Your mother may not be the world's best communicator...? I am so glad to hear that you were able to tell her how YOU were feeling, though......
those who get through this hell, the best...the easiest...are those who reach out and gather the most support for themselves. for you, it may not be from immediate family members. That is true in so many cases. If you accept t hat fact...it will save you sooo much anguish.....
Keep up your reading...especially, from our library list that I gave you...and, Co-Dependent no more......you can also, do the workbook....
Your therapist and your support group is where you can pour your heart out...and, get understanding back....
Reach out...and, the world will open it's arms to you....
You are not alone...you just feel like that. right now.....
Your dad comes from a generation that has a lot of sexist attitudes....just try to accept him as he is...forgive for what he doesn't know...and go on....don' t seek approval/support/validation on these k inds of matters, from him.
You must live your life by your own values....that is a part of flying free from the nest....
Your mother may not be the world's best communicator...? I am so glad to hear that you were able to tell her how YOU were feeling, though......
those who get through this hell, the best...the easiest...are those who reach out and gather the most support for themselves. for you, it may not be from immediate family members. That is true in so many cases. If you accept t hat fact...it will save you sooo much anguish.....
Keep up your reading...especially, from our library list that I gave you...and, Co-Dependent no more......you can also, do the workbook....
Your therapist and your support group is where you can pour your heart out...and, get understanding back....
Reach out...and, the world will open it's arms to you....
You are not alone...you just feel like that. right now.....
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Originally Posted by Ariesagain 
You’re a great dog mom. I’ve had a couple of dogs who had reflux and what helped was small meals, several times a day, a small carbohydrate meal right before bed and the best dog kibble I could afford. You can also talk to your vet about some OTC human meds that may help.
Stress is a big component, FWIW, just like with humans.
Stress is a big component, FWIW, just like with humans.
It took care of the problem immediately.
And on the topic of your A not having any understanding of what your dog might be feeling ("just take the blankets away"), here is a similar experience of my own: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...t-insight.html (Moment of insight)
Nothing more to say about your A, just some comments on your canine friend.
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Thank you all. It really helped turn my thinking around. It usually does when I reach out on this forum.
I went to an Al Anon meeting last night and I was feeling so good and then come home to my baby being so sick and my AH not seeming to care.
And thank you dandylion, what a concept of calling the vet! Lol! I don’t want to take her in as I have in the past and all the tests that they run come back fine. And I am out about $500. So, guess what? I called the vet and he is going to call me back this afternoon, maybe it is as simple as switching her food or adding something to her diet or something. Fingers crossed.
I also got a text from my beautician (he never texts me directly) asking if I needed a trim... so I scheduled one for tomorrow. Sounds corny but I am seeing that as a sign to do something for me...
Thank you again, I cannot tell you all what this forum does for me.
I usually am fairly good at solving problems just find myself spiraling (more often than not lately) and I can’t see things clearly. I hate it.
But again I actually feel a bit better already.
😊
I went to an Al Anon meeting last night and I was feeling so good and then come home to my baby being so sick and my AH not seeming to care.
And thank you dandylion, what a concept of calling the vet! Lol! I don’t want to take her in as I have in the past and all the tests that they run come back fine. And I am out about $500. So, guess what? I called the vet and he is going to call me back this afternoon, maybe it is as simple as switching her food or adding something to her diet or something. Fingers crossed.
I also got a text from my beautician (he never texts me directly) asking if I needed a trim... so I scheduled one for tomorrow. Sounds corny but I am seeing that as a sign to do something for me...
Thank you again, I cannot tell you all what this forum does for me.
I usually am fairly good at solving problems just find myself spiraling (more often than not lately) and I can’t see things clearly. I hate it.
But again I actually feel a bit better already.
😊
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Big hugs to you, and your pup!
So, you do realize that two alcoholics are not going to be your biggest support system, correct?
You need to branch out to close friend and Alanon or Celebrate Recovery so you have a good face to face support system for yourself, who are not addicts.
And of course, we are here for you, supporting you!
So, you do realize that two alcoholics are not going to be your biggest support system, correct?
You need to branch out to close friend and Alanon or Celebrate Recovery so you have a good face to face support system for yourself, who are not addicts.
And of course, we are here for you, supporting you!
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Originally Posted by honeypig
Seconding the small meals. My basset, Ned, used to throw up about a half hour to an hour before AM and PM feeding times. My younger sister told me that "sometimes they just get too hungry and it upsets their stomach." She said just split his normal amount of food into 3 meals or even 4 and see if it helped.
It took care of the problem immediately.
And on the topic of your A not having any understanding of what your dog might be feeling ("just take the blankets away"), here is a similar experience of my own: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...t-insight.html (Moment of insight)
Nothing more to say about your A, just some comments on your canine friend.
It took care of the problem immediately.
And on the topic of your A not having any understanding of what your dog might be feeling ("just take the blankets away"), here is a similar experience of my own: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...t-insight.html (Moment of insight)
Nothing more to say about your A, just some comments on your canine friend.
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Join Date: Nov 2017
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Another pup trick my vet told me- Pepcid AC helps when my dog’s stomach is upset (licking the floor and trying to eat anything - aka blankets).
Sorry you’re going through this tough time. Sometimes I like to plan out what I would do if I truly gave into my “get a new job and leave” fantasy. It makes me feel productive and like it’s possible when and if the time comes
Sorry you’re going through this tough time. Sometimes I like to plan out what I would do if I truly gave into my “get a new job and leave” fantasy. It makes me feel productive and like it’s possible when and if the time comes
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Originally Posted by Carter5
Another pup trick my vet told me- Pepcid AC helps when my dog’s stomach is upset (licking the floor and trying to eat anything - aka blankets).
Sorry you’re going through this tough time. Sometimes I like to plan out what I would do if I truly gave into my “get a new job and leave” fantasy. It makes me feel productive and like it’s possible when and if the time comes
Sorry you’re going through this tough time. Sometimes I like to plan out what I would do if I truly gave into my “get a new job and leave” fantasy. It makes me feel productive and like it’s possible when and if the time comes
And yes, I even have a picture in my mind of what my space will look like and having my pups with me and being at peace with myself and my being... hopefully that will become a reality within the coming year.... 😊
Thanks so much everyone.
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St,
You have to accept the fact that you will not get any support from the addicts in your life. It's just not possible for them to do it, so lower your expectations. No reason to have it disappoint you anymore. You need to reach out to people that can have compassion and understanding of what you are going through.
One hour at a time, you can get through this, we all have confidence in you!! Hugs!!
You have to accept the fact that you will not get any support from the addicts in your life. It's just not possible for them to do it, so lower your expectations. No reason to have it disappoint you anymore. You need to reach out to people that can have compassion and understanding of what you are going through.
One hour at a time, you can get through this, we all have confidence in you!! Hugs!!
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Originally Posted by maia1234
St,
You have to accept the fact that you will not get any support from the addicts in your life. It's just not possible for them to do it, so lower your expectations. No reason to have it disappoint you anymore. You need to reach out to people that can have compassion and understanding of what you are going through.
One hour at a time, you can get through this, we all have confidence in you!! Hugs!!
You have to accept the fact that you will not get any support from the addicts in your life. It's just not possible for them to do it, so lower your expectations. No reason to have it disappoint you anymore. You need to reach out to people that can have compassion and understanding of what you are going through.
One hour at a time, you can get through this, we all have confidence in you!! Hugs!!
When I got married I had a feeling that it would be my AH and I as a team to conquer the world. Well that didn’t work and finding now I can’t go back to being this person that continually gets treated like sh1t by my family of origin - I don’t know what I was thinking that things would be different...guess I just needed the reminder and boy did I get that reminder.
Thank you again. I am feeling stronger today but still a bit lost.
My baby (dog) is doing much better today too. 😊 which helps my disposition...
My AH came home and said “I’m sorry for not being more help last night”. Seriously? I don’t want his damn apologies and told him so, and it got turned around on me again saying I was being unreasonable and he was trying to apologize. I just can’t let myself go there-he is a jerk and then apologizes and then the whole thing starts again. He just doesn’t get that he has NEVER been there for me and I am sick and tired of “I’m sorry”. If he was sorry he wouldn’t keep abandoning me when I need someone.
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Yep, get it. My axh was never any support. It was a very lonely marriage. We were roommates, nothing more. Very sad.
In my opinion, I would stop sharing with the addicts in your life, as they are no support. We are your SR family and many dog lovers here, so you are good for few 50 close friends. Hugs, glad the puppy is keeping his food down.
In my opinion, I would stop sharing with the addicts in your life, as they are no support. We are your SR family and many dog lovers here, so you are good for few 50 close friends. Hugs, glad the puppy is keeping his food down.
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Originally Posted by maia1234
Yep, get it. My axh was never any support. It was a very lonely marriage. We were roommates, nothing more. Very sad.
In my opinion, I would stop sharing with the addicts in your life, as they are no support. We are your SR family and many dog lovers here, so you are good for few 50 close friends. Hugs, glad the puppy is keeping his food down.
In my opinion, I would stop sharing with the addicts in your life, as they are no support. We are your SR family and many dog lovers here, so you are good for few 50 close friends. Hugs, glad the puppy is keeping his food down.
I feel really stupid because part of me bought into his apology this morning. He never really apologized in the past like that. Then start to think maybe there is a morsel if something left. And then...
He had appointment tonight at 430 but didn’t get home till 740 pm. He said “yea I had a meeting it was wrong of me not to tell you”. Really? I had also asked him to pick up salt for water softener - but nope can’t remember to do that either.
I just keep setting myself up for it and then feel like an a$$ when I get let down again.
I am not even pissed about it, it’s like expected that he is going to show no respect and same ole same ole...
I need to get it through my thick head that he isn’t going to change even if he is not drinking.
I am wondering if he did suffer a bit of brain damage when he had cardiac arrest or just his drinking for the last 40 + Years made him a river that cannot think past his own basic needs anymore-oh, and I am one of those needs to be his caretaker, pay the bills, clean the house, blah blah blah.
Yes, I am going to start calling my friends and want to get a little more involved with the al anon group. And of course the stores and knowledge and encouragement on this site are a godsend! Thank you!
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So what is it exactly you are getting in terms of "met needs" by this person?
And what are you doing / have been doing for years to meet his needs?
Have a detached, clinical look at the two and that may offer some insight.
Listing often helps.
Sometimes we get in so deep we don't even realize the water is over our head.
Glad puppy is feeling better.
Love me, love my dogs, end of story
And what are you doing / have been doing for years to meet his needs?
Have a detached, clinical look at the two and that may offer some insight.
Listing often helps.
Sometimes we get in so deep we don't even realize the water is over our head.
Glad puppy is feeling better.
Love me, love my dogs, end of story
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 994
My exah was never any support either. Not ever. I went through some terrible life threatening health issues by myself and came home from hospital each time to him drinking or sleeping drinking off and my eldest daughter, who was 14 at the time, doing all the housework and cooking for her 6 siblings and him. I lost twin babies at 20 weeks and he just shrugged it off like it was nothing ( cos it was to him) After we finally split up my other daughter used to go down to his house and change his filthy bed sheets( he never got up even for the bathroom) and feed the cats still left. One cat got runover by a car and he left him in a cupboard for 24 hours with a broken pelvis cos he couldn't be bothered to sort out help for him. My daughter found him and took him to the vets for treatment. My son insisted on living with exah for 8 months and during that time ex never once ordered his insulin he needs for his type one diabetes despite telling me he had. I could write a book about his uncaring, can't be bothered with anything or anyone ways. So no they don't give a toss about anyone but themselves. Not ime anyway.
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
So what is it exactly you are getting in terms of "met needs" by this person?
And what are you doing / have been doing for years to meet his needs?
Have a detached, clinical look at the two and that may offer some insight.
Listing often helps.
Sometimes we get in so deep we don't even realize the water is over our head.
Glad puppy is feeling better.
Love me, love my dogs, end of story
And what are you doing / have been doing for years to meet his needs?
Have a detached, clinical look at the two and that may offer some insight.
Listing often helps.
Sometimes we get in so deep we don't even realize the water is over our head.
Glad puppy is feeling better.
Love me, love my dogs, end of story
I actually think he is seeing someone, and some part of me is relieved. I asked him point blank last night and he denied - however he is lying At some level about that-he is very transparent and has never been a good liar. He is a master at manipulation and trickery however.
Still hurts but it probably should’ve been expected. All he did in marriage counselor’s office was say how lonely he is. Like what the heck have I been for the last 10 years - welcome to the club buddy. It is either that or he is drinking again.
He said he felt like **** for not doing what he said he was going to do. I said he should but this is just par for the course.
I now have reason not to go back and forth any longer. He may or may not be drinking, may or may not be cheating. But at the end of the day the complete lack of respect, compassion and empathy I cannot live with.
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