Alcoholic/Addict Family Members Urine Testing
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 92
Alcoholic/Addict Family Members Urine Testing
Two brothers age 57 and 60 who are bankrupt in every area,
using drugs and alcohol all their lives, are out of options
and turning to family members for money.
I have been in AA for 24 years with one relapse which lasted 3months.
So I know the score.
They should not expect any help unless they are accountable
for their addictions/alcoholism.
This behavior is not acceptable in any other area of society,
so it's just deplorable that families are subjected to this decadence.
Active addicts/alcoholics should be required to
pass a weekly spontaneous urine test, indefinitely.
Is there any type of service or facility for this?
Seems like a big inconvenience for the family to not only pay for this,
but also find and pay a professional to take urine samples
on a different unscheduled day each week.
And to make sure it's a legitimate urine sample.
using drugs and alcohol all their lives, are out of options
and turning to family members for money.
I have been in AA for 24 years with one relapse which lasted 3months.
So I know the score.
They should not expect any help unless they are accountable
for their addictions/alcoholism.
This behavior is not acceptable in any other area of society,
so it's just deplorable that families are subjected to this decadence.
Active addicts/alcoholics should be required to
pass a weekly spontaneous urine test, indefinitely.
Is there any type of service or facility for this?
Seems like a big inconvenience for the family to not only pay for this,
but also find and pay a professional to take urine samples
on a different unscheduled day each week.
And to make sure it's a legitimate urine sample.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Seems like a big inconvenience for the family to not only pay for this,
but also find and pay a professional to take urine samples
on a different unscheduled day each week.
And to make sure it's a legitimate urine sample.
but also find and pay a professional to take urine samples
on a different unscheduled day each week.
And to make sure it's a legitimate urine sample.
Part of my recovery is that I am no longer the drug police, my son makes his choices, however bad they may be, and nothing I say or do can change him until he is willing to change himself...at which time he is responsible for his own recovery.
It took me years to "get" that recovery, his for addiction and mine for codependency, is something we each need to do for ourselves. If love could save our alcoholics/addicts, not one of us would be here.
At 57 and 60 years of age, family should not feel any responsibility or obligation to give them money, clean or not. There is real help for this, welfare and sober living homes are a good start. "We" the family members are not the solution. Anytime I gave my son money for rent or food, it was spent on drugs. Buying him groceries meant he could and would sell even that, for drug money.
Nobody feels more compassion for these people than I do, but the solution is not with us, the real help is there if they truly want help.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 219
So I am in a similar position.. my wife will return from a transitional living facility at the end of February. She has even suggested being subjected to random drug testing... and I am not opposed to this for the following reasons:
1) it is something she has suggested as a way to be held accountable and give her the knowledge that she is on notice;
2) it serves as a check on her truths. Believing an addict is very difficult due to the lies that were spewed during the active addiction. To regain trust, she must prove that her words are in line with her actions... and sometimes that requires verification.
So while I agree with Ann that it is not anyone's responsibility to follow thru with drug testing the addicts, it may have it's purpose as a condition of giving something in return. I know for sure that i do not want to be the police of anything (never works out well anyways)... my wife is a grown adult and was able to make the decision to use in the first place, so she can make the decision to stay clean also. She is in control of her life, I mine. Any checks that I have in place are for my protection and that of my family....
T
1) it is something she has suggested as a way to be held accountable and give her the knowledge that she is on notice;
2) it serves as a check on her truths. Believing an addict is very difficult due to the lies that were spewed during the active addiction. To regain trust, she must prove that her words are in line with her actions... and sometimes that requires verification.
So while I agree with Ann that it is not anyone's responsibility to follow thru with drug testing the addicts, it may have it's purpose as a condition of giving something in return. I know for sure that i do not want to be the police of anything (never works out well anyways)... my wife is a grown adult and was able to make the decision to use in the first place, so she can make the decision to stay clean also. She is in control of her life, I mine. Any checks that I have in place are for my protection and that of my family....
T
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 219
Ann,
It is part of our nature to want to think the best of people we love, even when their actions say differently. Eventually, we recognize that if their actions are not changing, then they are indeed the same person, regardless of what they say. I want to believe my wife in all aspects and for her to regain my trust... so her actions must match her words.
To me, actions speak... words are just noise...
It is part of our nature to want to think the best of people we love, even when their actions say differently. Eventually, we recognize that if their actions are not changing, then they are indeed the same person, regardless of what they say. I want to believe my wife in all aspects and for her to regain my trust... so her actions must match her words.
To me, actions speak... words are just noise...
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 92
If the addict/alcoholic expects financial help from their family
then they should be required to pass a weekly random urine test.
Drugs/alcohol is not acceptable in any other of life,
and it is not acceptable in family life either,
especially if the addict/alcoholic has wreckage across the board.
In the reality show "Chrisley Knows Best"
Todd Chrisley has spent over a million dollars
on treatment center programs for his oldest son Kyle in the mid 20s.
As shown in the show Todd had a random urine test done weekly
with a nurse who arrived at their house.
Todd says on the show that he will help his son Kyle if he remains clean.
Todd Chrisley also gained custody of Kyle's 2 year old daughter
and was helping Kyle in every area of his life.
Today Kyle is back out using
and Todd Chrisley is not helping his son financially or otherwise
because he is is unwilling and unfit.
As it should be.
The Chrisley's are honorable Christian people.
Todd and Julie Chrisley still have custody of the child.
Kudos to Todd Chrisley for showing America
that drugs and alcohol is just not acceptable in the family.
We are not a doormat just because it's a family member.
then they should be required to pass a weekly random urine test.
Drugs/alcohol is not acceptable in any other of life,
and it is not acceptable in family life either,
especially if the addict/alcoholic has wreckage across the board.
In the reality show "Chrisley Knows Best"
Todd Chrisley has spent over a million dollars
on treatment center programs for his oldest son Kyle in the mid 20s.
As shown in the show Todd had a random urine test done weekly
with a nurse who arrived at their house.
Todd says on the show that he will help his son Kyle if he remains clean.
Todd Chrisley also gained custody of Kyle's 2 year old daughter
and was helping Kyle in every area of his life.
Today Kyle is back out using
and Todd Chrisley is not helping his son financially or otherwise
because he is is unwilling and unfit.
As it should be.
The Chrisley's are honorable Christian people.
Todd and Julie Chrisley still have custody of the child.
Kudos to Todd Chrisley for showing America
that drugs and alcohol is just not acceptable in the family.
We are not a doormat just because it's a family member.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,226
Originally Posted by BriarSkye 
If the addict/alcoholic expects financial help from their family
then they should be required to pass a weekly random urine test.
Drugs/alcohol is not acceptable in any other of life,
and it is not acceptable in family life either,
especially if the addict/alcoholic has wreckage across the board.
In the reality show "Chrisley Knows Best"
Todd Chrisley has spent over a million dollars
on treatment center programs for his oldest son Kyle in the mid 20s.
As shown in the show Todd had a random urine test done weekly
with a nurse who arrived at their house.
Todd says on the show that he will help his son Kyle if he remains clean.
Todd Chrisley also gained custody of Kyle's 2 year old daughter
and was helping Kyle in every area of his life.
Today Kyle is back out using
and Todd Chrisley is not helping his son financially or otherwise
because he is is unwilling and unfit.
As it should be.
The Chrisley's are honorable Christian people.
Todd and Julie Chrisley still have custody of the child.
Kudos to Todd Chrisley for showing America
that drugs and alcohol is just not acceptable in the family.
We are not a doormat just because it's a family member.
then they should be required to pass a weekly random urine test.
Drugs/alcohol is not acceptable in any other of life,
and it is not acceptable in family life either,
especially if the addict/alcoholic has wreckage across the board.
In the reality show "Chrisley Knows Best"
Todd Chrisley has spent over a million dollars
on treatment center programs for his oldest son Kyle in the mid 20s.
As shown in the show Todd had a random urine test done weekly
with a nurse who arrived at their house.
Todd says on the show that he will help his son Kyle if he remains clean.
Todd Chrisley also gained custody of Kyle's 2 year old daughter
and was helping Kyle in every area of his life.
Today Kyle is back out using
and Todd Chrisley is not helping his son financially or otherwise
because he is is unwilling and unfit.
As it should be.
The Chrisley's are honorable Christian people.
Todd and Julie Chrisley still have custody of the child.
Kudos to Todd Chrisley for showing America
that drugs and alcohol is just not acceptable in the family.
We are not a doormat just because it's a family member.
Asking them to avail themselves of all help outside of you would be an approach. If they don't that is on them, not you. I know it is hard to see people you love struggle, but this it out of your hands now.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 219
Change4good,
While I do agree with much of what you said, sometimes helping others who are willing but unable to help themselves is the right thing to do. The issue is at what cost is one willing to expose themselves to... for me, a small financial cost to help them maintain sobriety is nothing; however, emotionally, i will not become vested until there is real change and effort put in. Doing something as simple as a drug test can help to help the addict maintain accountability and build trust that is needed in order to move on to bigger things.
While I do agree with much of what you said, sometimes helping others who are willing but unable to help themselves is the right thing to do. The issue is at what cost is one willing to expose themselves to... for me, a small financial cost to help them maintain sobriety is nothing; however, emotionally, i will not become vested until there is real change and effort put in. Doing something as simple as a drug test can help to help the addict maintain accountability and build trust that is needed in order to move on to bigger things.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 92
Two siblings who have been using drugs and alcohol for over 40 years
with huge wreckage in every area of their lives,
complete emotional and financial bankruptcy
and everything else too.
It is not our job to clean up a lifetime of wreckage.
The addict alcoholic cannot be honest about anything
because they are not honest with themselves.(Step 1)
They cannot love anyone because they do not love themselves.
Just because they might say they are trying to live clean and sober,
it holds no meaning.
It is a lifestyle, a psychological change and a spiritual awakening.
So much wreckage and no coping mechanisms,
after decades of substance abuse.
Getting clean and sober is hard enough...
with huge wreckage in every area of their lives,
complete emotional and financial bankruptcy
and everything else too.
It is not our job to clean up a lifetime of wreckage.
The addict alcoholic cannot be honest about anything
because they are not honest with themselves.(Step 1)
They cannot love anyone because they do not love themselves.
Just because they might say they are trying to live clean and sober,
it holds no meaning.
It is a lifestyle, a psychological change and a spiritual awakening.
So much wreckage and no coping mechanisms,
after decades of substance abuse.
Getting clean and sober is hard enough...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
There is a lot of power in the word NO.
i am 58 years old and i do not expect ANYONE to help me out, bail me out, clean up my messes, or otherwise manage my life FOR me because i abdicated the responsibility.
families can say NO to adult loved ones. they are not cash machines.
i am 58 years old and i do not expect ANYONE to help me out, bail me out, clean up my messes, or otherwise manage my life FOR me because i abdicated the responsibility.
families can say NO to adult loved ones. they are not cash machines.
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