leopardman

I'm in to my 8th day in god knows how long without a drink. Background is years of drinking too much in the week, but functional (although borderline sometimes). Weekends were big binges. Kept up exercise but over the past year but nowhere near as much. Over the past year I've tried cutting down at times, usually followed by sweats, messed up dreams and night terrors / hallucinations.

Both wife and myself said dry January, and have stuck to it. First few nights struggled to sleep, 1 weird dream, only mildly sweating by end of night 1 and 2.

I was paranoid that quitting cold turkey would lead to complications, read about seizures, DT and everything in between but nothing. I know it can happen and I'm not knocking that and solid medical advice but I went for it and so far so good! I think there are a lot of scare stories out there to try and get people on to paid for programs, unfortunately those scare stories really did scare me, so I carried on drinking. I did it this time because I was away from work for the first few days so if anything happened there was someone around.

What I am noticing that's annoying, I'm sleeping more but still tired in the mornings and a little groggy (used to sipping water at 3am after my nightly bathroom visit due to beer so now feel dehydrated). Also tiredness is effecting my running mojo as lack of energy.

Diet wise, in the past when I've stopped / cut down I've craved sweet things, luckily this time not so much . I'm not watching what I eat too closely at the moment, just thinking of calories I'm saving from alcohol, I think if I try and change everything at once I'm going to fail!

Evenings are the trickiest, I sometimes feel a bit of panic / anxiety come on thinking another night without booze. There's still beer in the fridge so I think my will power is doing well so far. First week back at work so Friday I'll be tearing my hair out, just one step at a time at the moment though.

No long term plan, I'm not saying I wont drink again.. not sure if I'm the type of person who can then control it or not. I think once the anxiety and tiredness passes and I can fit some exercise in again I'll be in a much better place.

Gottalife

This reminded me of my old friend Andy whom I met in detox. He was such a nice guy, and absolutely convinced his main problem was that he had not been taking care of himself. "Some good nutrition and exercise would do the trick" he said, and I am sure he really believed that.

Was Andy delusional? A few months later he died in withdrawal. I guess he could not see the serious nature of his situation. That is not uncommon, we are usually the last to know.

Canuckleman45

Your lifestyle sounds exactly like mine Leopard. I have relapsed a few times lately, an need to get serious. One day at a time.

D122y

Leo,

It sounds like me too. I was 80 days clean before I found SR. I thought I was losing it. In reality...I was.

That is what booze does. Folks can end up in the looney bin, on anti depression meds, or worse. E.g. Robin Williams.

Obviously, sometimes it is a dual diagnosis. But, for me, it is the chicken or the egg scenario.

I quit once for 8 months. It was easy. So I thought I would start again.

Biggest mistake of life.

Booze causes brain damage. Long term and, Imo to some extent, irreversible.

I still suffer anxiety and obessions that I could have learned to deal with years ago.

Drinking put me in a fantasy world. The physical healing takes many many months. I am still getting stronger. I was so weak.

Mentally, im still working on it as well for sure.

Thanks.

andyh

well done on your eight days, great effort, keep up the good work!

why not do yourself a favour - dump the beer & remove the temptation? why make life harder for yourself for the sake of a few ££/$$?

leopardman

Hi Gottalife

Sorry to hear about your friend. Out of interest (Sorry if I'm being ignorant) what did he die of? Was it something linked to the withdrawal itself after 3 months clean?

leopardman

Hi, something that helped me was linked to running / hiking /cycling was you know when you go out to train and sometimes you're just a few miles (even yards) in and you think 'WTF?!' then you push through a few more miles then things get better, then a bit later worse but you push on. Applied the same logic.

leopardman

Thanks!
As for having beer there.. 1 for guests. I'm quitting not everyone else. 2, I can't avoid it forever.. shops, restaurants, friends houses it will always be there.

andyh

1. you're not obliged to offer guests alcohol.

2. give yourself a break, you're only eight days in, why make it harder than you have to?

Gottalife

No. He left the hospital thinking all he needed to do was take better care of hiself. He got drunk almost immediately and was hospitalised again a few months later for withdrawals, and I mean dts, screaming, loss of control of bodily functions, siezures - just like the one he had just been through, and his heart gave out.

Verdantia

Hey, Leo. Alcohol is a very unpredictable thing. Some people have horror withdrawals, (I was one of them) and some don't. I have found that the phenomena of kindling is a very real thing, and each subsequent withdrawal for me was harder than the last. First time I quit, no big deal--kinda what you described. I remained sober for 15 years, got really complacent and started in again (HUGE mistake.) 4 years in, disgusted with myself I quit all at once, had hallucinations and seizures and spent a week in hospital, then inpatient rehab for 2 months. I didn't learn my lesson though-a couple of years later I got into a very stressful situation, and was having a lot of psychological issues flaring up as well--I thought to hell with everything and had a beer, and then a few more (but a fraction of my previous levels)--that same evening I wrecked my car--I came out of a blackout screaming in rage, driving 90mph; I slammed on the brakes, spun out and hit a concrete barrier. I had a subdural hematoma and nearly died. I went to rehab again and I am so grateful to have 2 years sobriety on Dec 23. SR has been a immense help to me in getting and staying sober.
Things like this may never happen to you, but why risk it? I certainly never thought it would happen to me, but as I said, alcohol is unpredictable. Wishing you peace and strength in your sober journey.

Squirrel31

Hi, i was going to write the same here.
It does feel very odd reading your own life written by someone else. And it also feels like you really arnt alone in this

MindfulMan

I had a fair amount of wine in the house which I haven't gotten rid of.

That being said, I got home after 5 weeks in rehab so the temptation wasn't there while I was still in withdrawal. I would never have been able to resist for at least the first several weeks, where I got beyond the immediate physical withdrawal as well as into a sober mindset.

I got home with the intention of dumping or giving away the last of my very pricey wine collection, with the strong suggestion of my drug counsellor in rehab. But I found that it wasn't a trigger. I do have triggers, I absolutely cannot have any sort of hard liquor in the house. That I would drink in a second. For some reason, despite a very deep involvement in wine, it's not triggering me. Friends are buying the last of my collection this month, and another friend is buying my 120 bottle wine fridge.

Note that I didn't do this in early recovery and would have dumped it out in a second if triggered. It sounds as if the beer in your fridge is calling your name at all hours.

You don't need to have beer in the house for guests, particularly at this point in your recovery. Guests can not drink for the brief time they're in your house.

In other news, good job so far!