seriously

Hi Everyone,
I'm a newbie here. My name is layne and I'm an alcoholic and an mj/painkiller addict. I've been in and out of meetings and through several rehab programs and have bottomed out once or twice. I haven't done drugs in 3 months now, but I still drink.....not every day and not always until I get drunk, but I drink nonetheless. I'm not happy about that fact, but I'm sober today and thats all I really care about right now. I'm not real sure why I'm here, none of my recovery efforts seem to ever pan out....I guess I'm here because its not just for me anymore. My drinking and drugging has hurt my friends and family in the past and that pains me, but not as much as seeing the person that I love cry because I won't talk to her but pick up a bottle instead. I can handle a lot and I can weather almost anything but her tears and pleas are too much for me to bear. So here I am. I need help and support and people who understand, I need these things so that I can put down the bottle forever. I hope to find these things here, and I hope to never drink again and to never see my loved ones hurt by my drinking again. I guess I'll close up with a question....Can anyone help me understand why in the midst of sobriety I feel so scatterbrained, scared, and vulnerable? Things just seem so much harder, or is it just that I now have the presence of mind to notice? Thanks for being here and I look forward to meeting you all.

layne

bliss

Hi Layne,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I am glad you are here. It's up to you to decide whether you want to drink or not. The answers will come as they need to. I know how exciting it can be to meet someone new that understands your issues. I found it very hard to get sober and be in a new relationship all at the same time. I recommend holding off until you have some time to get to know what you truly need. If they care they will be there waiting. This is just my perspective. I am sure you will make the decision which is best for you. In the meantime please let us know how you are doing ok?

tryinagain

Seriously, Welcome to SR. The answers to those questions will come in time with staying sober. However, as a former heavy drinker of over 24 years (you put your own chosen name on it), I can say from experience that you have to do it for both. Not only for those you love but the battle that you will face will be inside yourself. If you do it for someone else, it will eventually result in resentment and other "feelings" that will further strain the relationship. You have to get clean and sober for you and you alone first, then work on the rest. At least that is what I learned in my years with the battle of the bottle. Either way, you found a wonderful place and keep coming back. There is a lot of experience here and wonderful people that helped me in my struggle.
Sober and Proud of it!
Roy

lulu70

Hello Seriously--Welcome to SR!! I am Laura and I am a gratefully recovering alkie/pothead. We are all glad you are here. I started doing this thing for other people, but I quickly realized that I really wanted it for myself. You have found a wonderful place with great support. However, I would suggest finding some means of face to face support as well. I go to AA and have found it to be lifesaving. There are other programs out there as well.

Best of luck to you and I look forward to getting to know you!

Hugs--

sherbear5104

Hello Layne, and welcome to SR. There are alot of wonderful people here to offer you support. What the others said about doing it for yourself is so true. I was introduced to the sober life in 1992. I got clean for my son. I picked back up in 93. I tried to get sober a few times through the years; for my lover, or my kids, or my parents, and EVERY TIME, I used again. This time, I came in because I was: sick and tired of being sick and tired. I have 6 months today. It was only when I wanted it for me that it actually worked. Keep coming here and get to know us. We help each other. The gang here is wonderful.

Love and Hugs.......Sherry

seriously

thanks every one, and I do want it for me, but the stakes have been raised so now I want it for her too....I really appreciate you all.

bliss

Hi layne,

When I was trying to get sober it had to be for me. I explained to others that were close to me that I loved them but I had no idea how to love anymore because of my disease. I told them I needed to focus just on my sobriety otherwise I would die. As I got sober I gained clarity and also the ability to love and care about others welfare too. This didn't happen right away though. I told my partner in the begining, please don't take this personally, this is not about you. He stepped aside and waited until I gained more clarity. Gaining sobriety enabled me to start to care about others because I started to care about myself. I know you will decide what is best for you. Let us know how you make out.

OVERIT

((((((((Layne)))))))))))

Welcome to SR. This is a great place with a lot of good people. I am glad that you are here.

Love,

Ang :heart: