Hoping for a new start this year
Resident Cat
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 6
Hoping for a new start this year
Hello, I found this forum as I've been looking for a support network of some sort. The forum itself seems a bit daunting and large, but this seems like an appropriate place to post an introduction. Hopefully that's alright.
I'm an alcoholic, 25 years old, and have been drinking pretty heavily for a little over 3 years by my estimation, although I don't know the exact time I decided to start. Late 2014 sounds about right though. A lot of my family members also struggle with alcohol and I've dealt with their destructive behavior all my life, so I'm not sure what made me decide it would be a good idea to decide to start. I struggle with pretty severe anxiety and I used it to cope with it I suppose.
I built up a tolerance pretty fast, starting out drinking a couple shots at a time in a night, to not even a year later, having days were I would often consume as much as an entire fifth a day. Looking back, I wish I could slap myself for not realizing how ridiculous and insane this was but I obviously can't change the past. This behavior continued over the next year, still managing to hold a part time job while coming home and bingeing all night, waking up and going to work the next day. I barely was able to manage it, it wore me out but I couldn't stop myself.
Fast forward to early 2016 when I had my first bout of delirium, and having myself admitted to the hospital because it terrified me so much. I didn't have a seizure, but the hallucinations were something of nightmares that I had never experienced. I wish I could have seen that as a wake up call. I wanted to take that moment to stop drinking for good, and tried to quit, but relapsed very quickly. This moment made my family start to realize the severe problem I had.
The following year had me in and out of the ER several times for bingeing and having horrible withdrawals, all of them self admitted, but nonetheless still extremely excessive, always telling myself that I would quit after each visit, and relapsing quickly after. I recall one time even driving home from the ER and picking up a bottle on the way back, that was probably me at my worst. The binges and withdrawals continued, one time even having what the doctor described as a "spasm". I'm not sure what it was, it felt like a light seizure, it was absolutely the most horrifying feeling I have ever experienced in my life.
A few months passed and after a particularly bad withdrawal period, my mom made it clear that I would have to go into a rehabilitation center and complete it if I ever wanted to return home. I was extremely reluctant, not because I didn't want to quit, but because it seemed scary being isolated and unable to contact friends and family. I went in though over the summer of 2017, stayed for approximately 11 weeks, but relapsed right before my stay was supposed to end unfortunately. I was still welcomed home thankfully, but it didn't take long for me to go back into my old habits.
This holiday season, I drank pretty heavily, to the point of blackouts, often a fifth a day as usual, sometimes more possibly. It was scary, so much **** was going on in family life that I wanted to drown out, and I just went into an insane binge of drinking. I ran out of alcohol on the 1st of this year, and together with feeling too sick to drink anything more, I was determined to make that my last.
It's the 6th now, I've still not drank, but I've also been going through one of the most hellish withdrawals I've been through. I can't afford another ER visit, and decided to try and detox at home. I threw up, got no sleep, and am surprised I managed to avoid having a seizure. Here I am though, day 6 and still sober, and really desperately hoping to stay that way. I'm writing this pretty formally I realize, but I'm actually in tears as I write this, because it's putting perspective into how much I've messed up my life in these last few years. I'm a college grad, and right out of college, the first thing I do with my life is tear it up.
Right now, I just desperately want to quit. I found this place and thought some sort of support network would be something I'd greatly need, especially right now. Currently, I don't know the state of my health or my liver, I can't imagine it's very good. I'm terrified of having gone past the point of no return into cirrhosis, I honestly have no idea of the current state of it. I have an appointment later this month to see a GI doctor and hopefully get some testing done, but right now, I'm terrified about the state of my health, and really want this to be the actual thing that gets me to taking better care of myself and quitting.
And that's me I guess. I apologize if it's heavy or too much detail, I just really feel like I need some support and this forum looks promising. I hope to meet a lot of people here.
I'm an alcoholic, 25 years old, and have been drinking pretty heavily for a little over 3 years by my estimation, although I don't know the exact time I decided to start. Late 2014 sounds about right though. A lot of my family members also struggle with alcohol and I've dealt with their destructive behavior all my life, so I'm not sure what made me decide it would be a good idea to decide to start. I struggle with pretty severe anxiety and I used it to cope with it I suppose.
I built up a tolerance pretty fast, starting out drinking a couple shots at a time in a night, to not even a year later, having days were I would often consume as much as an entire fifth a day. Looking back, I wish I could slap myself for not realizing how ridiculous and insane this was but I obviously can't change the past. This behavior continued over the next year, still managing to hold a part time job while coming home and bingeing all night, waking up and going to work the next day. I barely was able to manage it, it wore me out but I couldn't stop myself.
Fast forward to early 2016 when I had my first bout of delirium, and having myself admitted to the hospital because it terrified me so much. I didn't have a seizure, but the hallucinations were something of nightmares that I had never experienced. I wish I could have seen that as a wake up call. I wanted to take that moment to stop drinking for good, and tried to quit, but relapsed very quickly. This moment made my family start to realize the severe problem I had.
The following year had me in and out of the ER several times for bingeing and having horrible withdrawals, all of them self admitted, but nonetheless still extremely excessive, always telling myself that I would quit after each visit, and relapsing quickly after. I recall one time even driving home from the ER and picking up a bottle on the way back, that was probably me at my worst. The binges and withdrawals continued, one time even having what the doctor described as a "spasm". I'm not sure what it was, it felt like a light seizure, it was absolutely the most horrifying feeling I have ever experienced in my life.
A few months passed and after a particularly bad withdrawal period, my mom made it clear that I would have to go into a rehabilitation center and complete it if I ever wanted to return home. I was extremely reluctant, not because I didn't want to quit, but because it seemed scary being isolated and unable to contact friends and family. I went in though over the summer of 2017, stayed for approximately 11 weeks, but relapsed right before my stay was supposed to end unfortunately. I was still welcomed home thankfully, but it didn't take long for me to go back into my old habits.
This holiday season, I drank pretty heavily, to the point of blackouts, often a fifth a day as usual, sometimes more possibly. It was scary, so much **** was going on in family life that I wanted to drown out, and I just went into an insane binge of drinking. I ran out of alcohol on the 1st of this year, and together with feeling too sick to drink anything more, I was determined to make that my last.
It's the 6th now, I've still not drank, but I've also been going through one of the most hellish withdrawals I've been through. I can't afford another ER visit, and decided to try and detox at home. I threw up, got no sleep, and am surprised I managed to avoid having a seizure. Here I am though, day 6 and still sober, and really desperately hoping to stay that way. I'm writing this pretty formally I realize, but I'm actually in tears as I write this, because it's putting perspective into how much I've messed up my life in these last few years. I'm a college grad, and right out of college, the first thing I do with my life is tear it up.
Right now, I just desperately want to quit. I found this place and thought some sort of support network would be something I'd greatly need, especially right now. Currently, I don't know the state of my health or my liver, I can't imagine it's very good. I'm terrified of having gone past the point of no return into cirrhosis, I honestly have no idea of the current state of it. I have an appointment later this month to see a GI doctor and hopefully get some testing done, but right now, I'm terrified about the state of my health, and really want this to be the actual thing that gets me to taking better care of myself and quitting.
And that's me I guess. I apologize if it's heavy or too much detail, I just really feel like I need some support and this forum looks promising. I hope to meet a lot of people here.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,468
Welcome!
You'll find a ton of support here
You've definitely done a lot in a short amount of time, I am so so so glad you decided to stop drinking. Good for you!! You have your entire life ahead of you.
I couldn't imagine quitting at 25, man my life today would be so much different
Are you opposed to finding an AA meeting? If not, I'd totally suggest going, go until you find a meeting you like and stick with it.
Find a sponsor and get to work on the steps.
If AA isn't your thing (I suggest giving it a try if you haven't) there are other methods you can try, search this site, read and post as often as need be, if you feel like you're going to fail come here, we'll hopefully help you off that ledge.
Many blessings,
DC
You'll find a ton of support here
You've definitely done a lot in a short amount of time, I am so so so glad you decided to stop drinking. Good for you!! You have your entire life ahead of you.
I couldn't imagine quitting at 25, man my life today would be so much different
Are you opposed to finding an AA meeting? If not, I'd totally suggest going, go until you find a meeting you like and stick with it.
Find a sponsor and get to work on the steps.
If AA isn't your thing (I suggest giving it a try if you haven't) there are other methods you can try, search this site, read and post as often as need be, if you feel like you're going to fail come here, we'll hopefully help you off that ledge.
Many blessings,
DC
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: United kingdom
Posts: 360
Day 6 is great. The support and advice you will find here is excellent. You have been through a lot but you have youth on your side. Sobriety is beautiful but only you can decide what you want to achieve in your life. Be kind to yourself and keep posting . I often spend hours reading all the posts on here and it is so helpful 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Hello Scarycritter,
Congrats on six days sober. That is fantastic. Like Dee said you seem to be through the physical part. I had really bad withdrawels and glad
I made it through. I hope I never have to feel another withdrawel episode again. I am on day 13 very newly sober. I am 47 year old female. I wish I could go back to 25 , tackle my issue and stay sober. i have to move on and keep sober. I have also been in the ER many times. No fun for me waking up in the ER. countless times. I hate that feeling as well total doom.
If I stay sober I don't have to go through that ever again. I am so happy you found these boards and you are helping yourself. I will look out for you and root you on... I just text a friend that I have had 13 drama free, stress free, hangover free 13 days. I am also glad you are taking care of your self and having a full check up. That will put your mind at ease and make your resolve stronger. For me so far there has been depression, worrying and cravings but nothing compared to active alcoholism. Did I mention NO gut wretching drama and hopelessness in 13 days I lost alot pretty much everything due to my drinking. My main concern NOW will be to stay sober and rebuild my life a day at a time. If I can stay sober all that has been lost will not be lost in vain. xoxo
Congrats on six days sober. That is fantastic. Like Dee said you seem to be through the physical part. I had really bad withdrawels and glad
I made it through. I hope I never have to feel another withdrawel episode again. I am on day 13 very newly sober. I am 47 year old female. I wish I could go back to 25 , tackle my issue and stay sober. i have to move on and keep sober. I have also been in the ER many times. No fun for me waking up in the ER. countless times. I hate that feeling as well total doom.
If I stay sober I don't have to go through that ever again. I am so happy you found these boards and you are helping yourself. I will look out for you and root you on... I just text a friend that I have had 13 drama free, stress free, hangover free 13 days. I am also glad you are taking care of your self and having a full check up. That will put your mind at ease and make your resolve stronger. For me so far there has been depression, worrying and cravings but nothing compared to active alcoholism. Did I mention NO gut wretching drama and hopelessness in 13 days
I lost alot pretty much everything due to my drinking. My main concern NOW will be to stay sober and rebuild my life a day at a time. If I can stay sober all that has been lost will not be lost in vain. xoxo
Resident Cat
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 6
Originally Posted by DreamCatcher17 
Welcome!
You'll find a ton of support here
You've definitely done a lot in a short amount of time, I am so so so glad you decided to stop drinking. Good for you!! You have your entire life ahead of you.
I couldn't imagine quitting at 25, man my life today would be so much different
Are you opposed to finding an AA meeting? If not, I'd totally suggest going, go until you find a meeting you like and stick with it.
Find a sponsor and get to work on the steps.
If AA isn't your thing (I suggest giving it a try if you haven't) there are other methods you can try, search this site, read and post as often as need be, if you feel like you're going to fail come here, we'll hopefully help you off that ledge.
Many blessings,
DC
You'll find a ton of support here
You've definitely done a lot in a short amount of time, I am so so so glad you decided to stop drinking. Good for you!! You have your entire life ahead of you.
I couldn't imagine quitting at 25, man my life today would be so much different
Are you opposed to finding an AA meeting? If not, I'd totally suggest going, go until you find a meeting you like and stick with it.
Find a sponsor and get to work on the steps.
If AA isn't your thing (I suggest giving it a try if you haven't) there are other methods you can try, search this site, read and post as often as need be, if you feel like you're going to fail come here, we'll hopefully help you off that ledge.
Many blessings,
DC
I've gone to AA for a few months over the summer while in treatment. It was okay, but I felt like it wasn't for me at the same time? I'm not sure. I wouldn't be opposed to trying it again. I feel like finding a new sponsor would be more ideal as a first step, since my previous one moved away.
Once again, thank you for the support, I wish you the best as well. Maybe we'll run into each other again on here!
Resident Cat
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 6
Originally Posted by faith823
Hello Scarycritter,
Congrats on six days sober. That is fantastic. Like Dee said you seem to be through the physical part. I had really bad withdrawels and glad
I made it through. I hope I never have to feel another withdrawel episode again. I am on day 13 very newly sober. I am 47 year old female. I wish I could go back to 25 , tackle my issue and stay sober. i have to move on and keep sober. I have also been in the ER many times. No fun for me waking up in the ER. countless times. I hate that feeling as well total doom.
If I stay sober I don't have to go through that ever again. I am so happy you found these boards and you are helping yourself. I will look out for you and root you on... I just text a friend that I have had 13 drama free, stress free, hangover free 13 days. I am also glad you are taking care of your self and having a full check up. That will put your mind at ease and make your resolve stronger. For me so far there has been depression, worrying and cravings but nothing compared to active alcoholism. Did I mention NO gut wretching drama and hopelessness in 13 days I lost alot pretty much everything due to my drinking. My main concern NOW will be to stay sober and rebuild my life a day at a time. If I can stay sober all that has been lost will not be lost in vain. xoxo
Congrats on six days sober. That is fantastic. Like Dee said you seem to be through the physical part. I had really bad withdrawels and glad
I made it through. I hope I never have to feel another withdrawel episode again. I am on day 13 very newly sober. I am 47 year old female. I wish I could go back to 25 , tackle my issue and stay sober. i have to move on and keep sober. I have also been in the ER many times. No fun for me waking up in the ER. countless times. I hate that feeling as well total doom.
If I stay sober I don't have to go through that ever again. I am so happy you found these boards and you are helping yourself. I will look out for you and root you on... I just text a friend that I have had 13 drama free, stress free, hangover free 13 days. I am also glad you are taking care of your self and having a full check up. That will put your mind at ease and make your resolve stronger. For me so far there has been depression, worrying and cravings but nothing compared to active alcoholism. Did I mention NO gut wretching drama and hopelessness in 13 days
I lost alot pretty much everything due to my drinking. My main concern NOW will be to stay sober and rebuild my life a day at a time. If I can stay sober all that has been lost will not be lost in vain. xoxoAlso congratulations on 13 days, that's a good achievement so far! I really wish you the best. I know how tough it can be to manage, but I know you can do it. Just hang in there!
Resident Cat
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 6
I also suppose a proper correction would be that since I ran out of alcohol on the 1st, but still had alcohol that day, the 2nd would be my actual sober date, making this post a day off. Just figured I'd throw that out there.
January 2nd, 2018. Hopefully I'll be able to look back on that date as a new start for the rest of my life.
January 2nd, 2018. Hopefully I'll be able to look back on that date as a new start for the rest of my life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Maybe AA wasn't for you then because you hadn't completely accepted that abstinence was needed. Many people do hold on to the idea of finding that 'easier or softer way' for a while, and think a life of sobriety seems a little extreme. Until they've tried out moderation and failed.
Why not hit a meeting today. I know when I felt full of doom and devoid or hope, the fact that I could tag onto someone else's was a life-saver.
BB
Why not hit a meeting today. I know when I felt full of doom and devoid or hope, the fact that I could tag onto someone else's was a life-saver.
BB
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