batchel9

....STBXAH lost his job. He would never tell me if it were a performance issue but that had to play a part in it. He was supposed to work from home 30hours/week. Work has been 3rd priority to school and drinking. I'm sure his turnaround times were bad, responsiveness was low, possible quality issues.

We were supposed to finalize divorce next month but now I'm guessing they will rerun child support calculations? How does that work? I made way more money than him, but he was slated to still help cover daycare costs. Now with no income I don't know what happens. Man I just want this over.

honeypig

batchel, I'm sorry things have happened this way. In all honesty, I have to say that a large part of my decision to divorce XAH was b/c I feared this type of thing. I'd heard so many folks here say "they're ALL functional until they AREN'T", and read enough stories like yours, that I was really afraid that if I hung on much longer, things WOULD start to happen. Yeah, he still had a job, and his health wasn't that bad, and there hadn't been a DUI...but it also wasn't like I was going to get an email from The Powers That Be saying "hey, he's going to get fired from work on June 3rd, so you'd better get your ducks in a row." Stuff like this happens "with no warning"--even though we know very well it's a possibility, we hope and wish that it's not going to be a reality.

And then boom, it IS a reality.

I hope all goes well in getting stuff straightened out legally--I think it's probably a very fortunate thing that you ARE used to being the breadwinner, b/c it certainly seems like you're going to continue bearing the lion's share of the load...

Carol Star

My decision was also partly caused by being scared of financially being married to an alcoholic.

batchel9

This was a large part of my decision as well. At the time I initiated this process he was only drinking monthly. But the writing was on the wall that this was going no where good. I make good money and will be fine. I'm in a house that I can afford on my own, etc. Just didn't get everything finalized in time before really starting to see the impacts.

batchel9

Not only financially but liability wise! The decisions he is making are not good.

honeypig

I just have to post this Buster Keaton clip--there were certainly times, shortly before and shortly after splitting w/XAH, where I felt exactly like this, and I suspect you can relate, batchel! The part I like starts at about 49 seconds in:

Maudcat

Omigosh. That is so great.
I wonder where it was filmed.

batchel9

Does anyone know how child support will work? Will I have to pay him?? Before it was calculated that he will pay me because I have the kids more and pay their insurance and daycare. This feels unfair 😭

honeypig

batchel, I think those are questions for your lawyer--I doubt anyone here could answer that since I'm sure the answer varies from state to state, possibly even between counties--also imagine that the answer depends a great deal on all the details of your individual situation. I understand that you want to know ASAP, but truly, it's going to be up to the court to decide. I'm sure your (experienced?) lawyer can give you some idea of what to expect, though, and with far more accuracy than any of us here at SR could.

CoParentToA

Agree that you need to connect with your attorney to figure out what happens with child support / alimony.

In my case I had to pay both, but my ex's long history of not making money worked against me. The fact that your ex just lost his job may mean that you can hold him accountable for impugned income - meaning the amount he should be able to earn.

I was initially very bitter about the situation. He ended up getting close to 45% of my income for five years! And 28% thereafter until the kids turned 18. I saw divorce as the end of my financial instability due to him, and I ended up signing on for more of that with the support I owed him. In retrospect I can say that adjusting to the financial drain has been the easiest part by far: my alimony is about to expire, but I would gladly keep paying it if doing so would guarantee the safety of my kids.

Good luck and follow your attorney's advice. Mine made a few recos that at the time felt crazy to me - like extending the alimony period to make it so that my ex couldn't keep renewing it. What?? Voluntarily pay him for longer?? But I took his advice and I am SOOOO happy he had the foresight I did not have. He knew my ex would likely go downhill and put measures in place to protect me and my children financially for that.

trailmix

Dandylion posts that link quite frequently to divorce information for women by state, perhaps she will be along soon, or maybe you could PM her. I know that talking to a lawyer about it is ideal but at least maybe you could get some general information in the meantime that would help.

Sorry you are going through this batchel!

Honeypig, that visual was great!

AnvilheadII

i would not be surprised at all if his sudden lack of employment was done on purpose. have no idea what impact that really has since you've already filed, but i'd hasten thee to your attorney!!!!

batchel9

My lawyer is out of town for the next week and the suspense is going to kill me....

honeypig

Oh, that really bites, batchel!

dandylion

batchel.....the website that trailmix referred to is the following.....

www.womansdivorce.com

Clover71

I'm so sorry. I Know that must be scary and infuriating at the same time. On a positive note, I'm glad that you have a career and that you were already on a path before this happened