ulfr

Am at war with myself - body wanting pain - hidden hurt makes me want to drink and use - Mind twisted - i cant do anything with out me screwing me over ... CA/NA/CA - i want help but i hate myself so much that i cant ask i cant too scared to top myself but so wanting to swallow as many pills i can get my hands on not told husband that i think he'd be pissed and worried ODing because i want to feel normal no access to pills cant buy any am safe - dont want to be safe want the hurt to go away -

Hawkeye13

I'm sorry you are hurting--using won't help, not really.

Please take care of you and get some extra support right now.
You have done so very well not using--please don't lose sight
of all you have accomplished GMS

Anna

I'm really sorry that you are in so much pain.

I know that you are a good and kind person and that you're trying to do the right thing for yourself. I hope that you can stop hating yourself and reach out to the resources you have available to you.

You are working really hard and have been doing so well. I know that you can through this

Dee74

GMS, I understand he might be mad and scared but if you're seriously feeling this way I hope you will tell your husband about this.

If you need help it's ok to ask for it.

D

EliL

Would be worth being honest with the doc about this and seeing if you can get some help, not sure what your bf could do to help mad or not?!

JJ991

Hi GMS, what professional/medical help do you have? Have you seen a GP and got a referral for some help? Did you say before that you've tried counselling? I'm concerned that you're going through so much (I've seen your other posts).

ulfr

Av been needing help for a long time my step dads death my mental health , my family being the way they are , the voices and the PTSD am not coping with life at all
there is a way i can get help but its a long time to wait and may take months before i get anywhere The LGBT centre i go have a counselling service am phoning them on Monday to ask if i can be put on there waiting list hopefully i can get some if not there am going to ask my psych if she will refer me to somewhere av been holding on to this stuff for a long time the PTSD for over 30 years maybe longer i cant hold on to it anymore and thats why am the mess i am now
My husband flu is getting worse he coughing a lot unsure if he can take me to a meeting hopefully it dont rain he said we can get a taxi back i dont want to miss the meeting as i feel its important that i go but i cant go on my own if my husband isnt well enough me and my husband talked last night he cant let me go out on my own at the moment as he thinks am too ill to be on my own if i cant go to a meeting i can try online ones .

JJ991

Can you get yourself on the waiting list (presumably NHS?) but do the other stuff you suggest in the meantime?

As for the meeting, is there anyone that can come & pick you up & drop you off again? Or do you need to be with your husband? If you can't get there then just keep posting on here as often as you need.

ulfr

i can ask my psych to put me on the NHS waiting list i dont see her until march the 30th in the past i have tried to get an sooner appointment but she so booked up that i cant get a sooner appointment i see my dr sooner am unsure if she will do it its a long wait some times over a year maybe more
i dont know many people there one person i know that i have a phone number of isnt going to the meeting tonight as she has her gran kids to look after
i dont know anyone else who is going to the meeting its a womens meeting ( am Non Binary / female mostly changed my mind about being male ( another reason am needing counselling) my husband says he dont trust anyone to keep an eye on me and take me places he never taken a break from being my carer but i think he should but he says he will worry too much