Jtmlk

Nothing important just feel like ranting. Day 4 today and its 4.20am in the morning and still no sleep.
Was ruminating about drinking for no reason- im worrying about the future before the future is here- for instance............ Im going on holiday in March with two friends - both big drinkers - my mind was telling me if im still not drinking maybe just have wine at dinner time. I then told myself what would be the point- when I first drank after 6 months sober I drank a litre of sangria on holiday - not to be sociable - but to get a hit, the next day on holiday I had 8 pints of cider. This then continued to spiral out of control for many months as except for a week or two sober now and again I found it so hard to stop again.
Therefore I wouldnt have a glass of wine on holiday in March or maybe I would the first day but it would end up with a bottle of wine at dinner and a few afternoon pints.
Yes I would love to drink sensibly but ive proven to myself over 30 yrs of drinking that I cant so I need to really get the hint. Its all quite scary stuff really and im rather conflicted at present which shows how dumb that certain part of our brain can be.

Babescake

I'm in the same place. Mourning the social aspect and scared that I may have (though also hopeful once better cognitively) had my last drink ever. I head to inpatient rehab tomorrow and I can't wait for my thoughts and feelings to change. I've only had trouble for 5 years or less and that has felt like a life sentence. Do you have a recovery plan? I'm desperate and don't want to screw this opportunity up.

Jtmlk

Good luck tomorrow Babescake hope it goes well.

MindfulMan

When I took drinking off the table and sat with that fact for a month or three, the bad memories far outnumbered the good and I didn't miss it.

That also gives you some time to realize that you can still very much have a life, a better and more fulfilled life, without drinking.

It's good that you have a handle on that jtmlk. You don't have to make that mistake again.

Babes you made the right decision with inpatient. That first month will be very easy, as you won't have any temptations or distractions.

I predict you guys will feel good about it in 90 days or less.

Delilah1

It really does get easier as time goes by. My first serious attempt at sobriety was in 2012 (except for pregnancies/nursing I had been drinking for many years), and I had just hit the 90 day mark and was away on vacation, and thought a glass of wine would be fine, of course it didn't turn out to be one glass of wine, and I did t stop drinking when I returned from vacation. I spent the next three years alternating between periods of sobriety, and failed attempts at moderation.

I have two years sober now and life is so much better, even when things are tough.

Here is a link about recovery plans you might find helpful.

TYG2

I feel a rant coming on....I'm only 10 days sober. I've lost everything while being a binge drinker for more than a decade. Declared bankruptcy, arrested, Psych ward stays, quit every job I've ever had, my family hates me, every friend I've ever had...gone. But the killer my only child, my son wants nothing to do with me. I'm on disability due to Major Depression and Anxiety Disorder. Two suicide attempts. I've made a mess but I'll clean it up I guess. I haven't had 10 sober days for atleast 2 years. I'm never drinking again. I've dug myself out of grave these past 10 days and I've got the dirt under my nails to prove it. Everyone's experience and drinking history/ damage done, regrets, guilt, loss are different. If your only problem is a March vacation with friends you still have and concerned about falling off the wagon I think you're one lucky lady. Don't worry about it now.. It's too soon. And if I am not a cheerful example then I guess I'm a terrible warning. So be it.

b0glerd69

Hi Jtmlk, I would ask myself whether the vacation was really worth it as it sounds like you'll be very vulnerable to alcohol in that setting. Do you have time to cancel and reimburse? It may be a bit socially awkward but I'm sure your friends would appreciate your struggle and if they don't then they are not really 'friends' at all.

Just my 2 cents. I think you should put sobriety as number one priority and reprioritise everything else. Good luck, mate.

Sasha4

At the moment you are thinking too far ahead.

I know it might seem like a huge worry now, but the holiday is not until March.
How you feel now is not how you will feel in 3 months time.
At the moment its all a bit new, you are still getting used to not drinking on a daily basis.

Have you had a look at thinking styles and seeing if that helps you?
Sometimes the way we think can be destructive.
I have often been guilty of worrying and worrying about something and letting it all get out of control.

In the early days I had to tell myself that all I needed to worry about was not drinking that day, no other days, just the present day.

If asked my friends or family will you be drinking for this holiday or that party, I would say I don't know and I will cross that bridge when I come to it but I am just focusing on this 24 hours.

I've done lots of holidays sober and they were fine.
I enjoyed them.
Even the all inclusive ones.

Honestly - don't let your worrying undo all the effort you have done to remain sober now.

I would like to lend you this way of thinking that really helped me in the early days

Everything will be okay in the end. If its not okay, its not the end.

Wish you the best xx

EliL

I was supposed to go on golfing holiday with 12 mates last Summer had to pull out though as we have golf in common but they are really heavy drinkers. Not so much that I would be tempted but after the 2nd drink everyone starts acting silly and I’m going to look a right tit sitting there with a coffee?!

Dee74

There was a time I thought I could never be sober,,,then I thought I'd never get used to being sober...

now I can't imagine not being sober.

Times change and if we work at it we change with them, jtmlk - you can do this

D