Old patterns hate to change!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
Old patterns hate to change!
But it's through the change that I'm going to find what I'm mistakenly seeking when I'm getting plastered.
I like...
Running
Drumming
Going to gigs
Quality family time
Cinema
Eating out and in.
Coffee shops
Good 12step meeting
Swans
Dogs
Wildlife
Poetry
Good conversation
Good comedy. Personal taste!
Helping people when I can
Tea
Clean bed linen
Personal hygiene.
Healthy internet use.. it's an amazing resource for me when I'm well!
Swimming even though I struggle with body image I've not looked after it.
It's by no means a mess but it needs some repair!
Now this is the clincher
All the above without exception
Go to the weeds when I engage my addictive behaviour.
So why do I do it.
I the AA BBook it says
We don't really know why?
When this 'malady' has a real hold they are a baffled lot!
Yes true but I've just read a post which inspired me to write this one and the reason it inspired me was because the person was buzzing with recovery all the good life supporting enhancing experiences.
If I just read a miserable negative no hope post yes I would feel empathy but not the way I feel now simply because
I want what that person has!
I've not been sick and drunk and high everyday of my life I have had some
Great times sober
Being there at my son's home birth
Great holidays
Great experiences so I remember these things in my life when another posts and shares about there own life being happy.
Now ahead of me for about the next 6 months
And I know it will get easier as time moves
on.
I am going to have to go through ferocious emotional challenges on my way to getting right with myself my debts are pretty heavy duty and when I start to 're engage my healthy life wheel and feel my strengths and abilities the pain and frustration can become overwhelming of how I've hurt my loved ones and burnt down my financial security.
So how am I going to attain this new healthy life and make amends clear debts etc...
Not by adding to it by acting out and drinking.
Talk to my sponsor
Post on here
Start regular exercise VV important
Move from being a talker... Mr expert!
To a walker... Mr action.
Become a walker not a talker.
Talking is ok
But if its a ratio split
My current reading is 80% waffle! Yap yap!
20% actual off my behind doing the deal!
I have lived the opposite way round
And I would be posting like the post that inspired me to post this one now.
Am I willing to go to any lengths now
For a sober beautiful life?
Yes I am.
I've made another start here today.
Thanks SR community
May you all find freedom from this disgusting disease!
Bit late but would like to say....
Happy New year to one and all x
I like...
Running
Drumming
Going to gigs
Quality family time
Cinema
Eating out and in.
Coffee shops
Good 12step meeting
Swans
Dogs
Wildlife
Poetry
Good conversation
Good comedy. Personal taste!
Helping people when I can
Tea
Clean bed linen
Personal hygiene.
Healthy internet use.. it's an amazing resource for me when I'm well!
Swimming even though I struggle with body image I've not looked after it.
It's by no means a mess but it needs some repair!
Now this is the clincher
All the above without exception
Go to the weeds when I engage my addictive behaviour.
So why do I do it.
I the AA BBook it says
We don't really know why?
When this 'malady' has a real hold they are a baffled lot!
Yes true but I've just read a post which inspired me to write this one and the reason it inspired me was because the person was buzzing with recovery all the good life supporting enhancing experiences.
If I just read a miserable negative no hope post yes I would feel empathy but not the way I feel now simply because
I want what that person has!
I've not been sick and drunk and high everyday of my life I have had some
Great times sober
Being there at my son's home birth
Great holidays
Great experiences so I remember these things in my life when another posts and shares about there own life being happy.
Now ahead of me for about the next 6 months
And I know it will get easier as time moves
on.
I am going to have to go through ferocious emotional challenges on my way to getting right with myself my debts are pretty heavy duty and when I start to 're engage my healthy life wheel and feel my strengths and abilities the pain and frustration can become overwhelming of how I've hurt my loved ones and burnt down my financial security.
So how am I going to attain this new healthy life and make amends clear debts etc...
Not by adding to it by acting out and drinking.
Talk to my sponsor
Post on here
Start regular exercise VV important
Move from being a talker... Mr expert!
To a walker... Mr action.
Become a walker not a talker.
Talking is ok
But if its a ratio split
My current reading is 80% waffle! Yap yap!
20% actual off my behind doing the deal!
I have lived the opposite way round
And I would be posting like the post that inspired me to post this one now.
Am I willing to go to any lengths now
For a sober beautiful life?
Yes I am.
I've made another start here today.
Thanks SR community
May you all find freedom from this disgusting disease!
Bit late but would like to say....
Happy New year to one and all x
Last edited by Ghoster18; 01-04-2018 at 04:41 PM. Reason: Spelling
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Edinburgh
Posts: 42
Wow Ghoster, what a great post.
Inspiring too!
Of all the things I hate about being the drunk I am (though Day 5 going well), is the debt.
So far this year I havent spent one penny on booze, and hopefully by the end of the month I will see the benefits.....good luck to you.
Inspiring too!
Of all the things I hate about being the drunk I am (though Day 5 going well), is the debt.
So far this year I havent spent one penny on booze, and hopefully by the end of the month I will see the benefits.....good luck to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
I realize this is where the rubber hits the road for me!
I'm here to live an empowered sober life.
That's where I find me!
Two early fantastic replies to my other posting! Truly awesome... Thanks friends!
If I keep putting myself and my family through the cesspit! It's so stodgy!
Hells porch, stifling corrosive depressing!
This time stay out.. big fella!
I want my needs to be met
I don't need my wants to be fed!
That dribble down the bib selfish in a hufty insanity mindset! I want I want I want!
I don't need that ****!
I need to be alive
In tune with my physiology
Free of regret shame paranoia
I am built for recovery it is why I get smashed!
Sounds kinda off but it's true.
If i wasnt an addicted lunatic
Albeit one that operates in secrecy consuming himself with only his closest family watching helplessly from the sidelines then I wouldn't be able to find the Power of empowering things!
Like someone shared
Get at it!
I am and I'm still in the shadows but the supply has been reconnected and I'm feeling the slow juice of awakening starting to fill my bones.
G
I'm here to live an empowered sober life.
That's where I find me!
Two early fantastic replies to my other posting! Truly awesome... Thanks friends!
If I keep putting myself and my family through the cesspit! It's so stodgy!
Hells porch, stifling corrosive depressing!
This time stay out.. big fella!
I want my needs to be met
I don't need my wants to be fed!
That dribble down the bib selfish in a hufty insanity mindset! I want I want I want!
I don't need that ****!
I need to be alive
In tune with my physiology
Free of regret shame paranoia
I am built for recovery it is why I get smashed!
Sounds kinda off but it's true.
If i wasnt an addicted lunatic
Albeit one that operates in secrecy consuming himself with only his closest family watching helplessly from the sidelines then I wouldn't be able to find the Power of empowering things!
Like someone shared
Get at it!
I am and I'm still in the shadows but the supply has been reconnected and I'm feeling the slow juice of awakening starting to fill my bones.
G
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
Stronger today
Talking to fellows
're energizing
I alone must do it but I cannot do it alone!
As the crust cracks and my being re emerges
I know I was born to thrive
To help others to be part of the winning team.
What else could a man want?
Be a good Dad
A good son
A good brother
A good responsible member of the human race
Knowing that by example others will be helped.
I'm going after it with everything
It's a daily commitment
I realize that
I also realise it's early days for me.
I can do no more for today
It's great to be here checking in posting
No matter how far down the scale we've gone we will see that our experience can benefit others!
It hasn't all been in vain.
Thank You God!
G
Talking to fellows
're energizing
I alone must do it but I cannot do it alone!
As the crust cracks and my being re emerges
I know I was born to thrive
To help others to be part of the winning team.
What else could a man want?
Be a good Dad
A good son
A good brother
A good responsible member of the human race
Knowing that by example others will be helped.
I'm going after it with everything
It's a daily commitment
I realize that
I also realise it's early days for me.
I can do no more for today
It's great to be here checking in posting
No matter how far down the scale we've gone we will see that our experience can benefit others!
It hasn't all been in vain.
Thank You God!
G
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
For once in.my life I'm fighting back
Not against the addiction but over around under and through it by using the power of action, my awareness my constitution my will to survive!
It can be a bit overwhelming when IT rears its demanding head.
But you know what.
I'm thinking about the morning what it will be like then. That's one of the tools I've been given to play it through to the aftereffects yuk yuk yuk!
No thanks I want a cup of tea a bacon sarnie and to treat my dog to a nice long walk
Go out on my bike
Clean my car
See my mum
Post on SR
Phone my sponsor
Watch a movie.
If I start drinking
None of that will happen and I can't allow that!
G
Not against the addiction but over around under and through it by using the power of action, my awareness my constitution my will to survive!
It can be a bit overwhelming when IT rears its demanding head.
But you know what.
I'm thinking about the morning what it will be like then. That's one of the tools I've been given to play it through to the aftereffects yuk yuk yuk!
No thanks I want a cup of tea a bacon sarnie and to treat my dog to a nice long walk
Go out on my bike
Clean my car
See my mum
Post on SR
Phone my sponsor
Watch a movie.
If I start drinking
None of that will happen and I can't allow that!
G
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