Back to university - the real test starts here
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: South Africa, Durban/Cape Town
Posts: 217
Back to university - the real test starts here
I'm back at university. Arrived yesterday. I share a communal house with 5 people. First thing upon entering the house, I found a flatmate and his girlfriend having their own little party in the living room. Booze, weed and music - my scene.
They asked me join but I kindly rejected their offer. I dropped my stuff off in my room and went swimming at the gym. I've started going to AA meetings and one thing I was told is that triggers are everywhere. Alcohol is everywhere. You can't avoid it. What you can do is put measures in place so you don't give in to temptation.
Leaving the house and going swimming (which I love to do) was my way of avoiding the temptation. I go to school in a different city far from home, so I have to find another AA meeting group here (but the wonderful peeps from the last one back home gave me great references).
That was one tiny battle in what will be a long war. As with pretty much each uni, there is a party culture here. I never even drank until I became a freshman. I'm graduating in June and so the next 6 months are absolutely essential. I need to be completely locked in. I cannot succumb otherwise all this time at uni will be a complete waste. So it's pivotal I stay away from alcohol.
I would appreciate any additional advice to help avoid the triggers and temptations in this environment.
They asked me join but I kindly rejected their offer. I dropped my stuff off in my room and went swimming at the gym. I've started going to AA meetings and one thing I was told is that triggers are everywhere. Alcohol is everywhere. You can't avoid it. What you can do is put measures in place so you don't give in to temptation.
Leaving the house and going swimming (which I love to do) was my way of avoiding the temptation. I go to school in a different city far from home, so I have to find another AA meeting group here (but the wonderful peeps from the last one back home gave me great references).
That was one tiny battle in what will be a long war. As with pretty much each uni, there is a party culture here. I never even drank until I became a freshman. I'm graduating in June and so the next 6 months are absolutely essential. I need to be completely locked in. I cannot succumb otherwise all this time at uni will be a complete waste. So it's pivotal I stay away from alcohol.
I would appreciate any additional advice to help avoid the triggers and temptations in this environment.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Ah Uni. Are all of your flatmate's partiers?
For me everything is a trigger, or nothing is. The difference is ME. If alcohol is on the table as an option to coping with life, then I'll FIND a reason to drink. If its not, then I have to find other ways of coping. Yeah, easier said than done but that is the cornerstone for me. Acceptance that I cannot drink, no matter what. Surrender. Knowing that if I do I will end up dead or in a very bad place.
That being said, I attend meetings (especially women's meetings). I exercise daily, get lots of sleep. I pray. I have a schedule, everyday, that I do my best to stick to. And I remind myself, a lot, that all feelings pass...including the desire to drink. Usually pretty quickly.
Find that women's meeting, get a sponsor. This will be a challenge. But you are at school to study and prepare for your future. Stay close to that goal.
For me everything is a trigger, or nothing is. The difference is ME. If alcohol is on the table as an option to coping with life, then I'll FIND a reason to drink. If its not, then I have to find other ways of coping. Yeah, easier said than done but that is the cornerstone for me. Acceptance that I cannot drink, no matter what. Surrender. Knowing that if I do I will end up dead or in a very bad place.
That being said, I attend meetings (especially women's meetings). I exercise daily, get lots of sleep. I pray. I have a schedule, everyday, that I do my best to stick to. And I remind myself, a lot, that all feelings pass...including the desire to drink. Usually pretty quickly.
Find that women's meeting, get a sponsor. This will be a challenge. But you are at school to study and prepare for your future. Stay close to that goal.
ours de petit cerveau
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: London, UK
Posts: 1,630
if you're anything like me, stopping drinking gave me loads of spare time & I had to find things to fill it instead of sitting around being bored & in danger of picking up a drink just for something to do.
are there any Uni clubs or societies for non-drinking-related activities you could join? maybe something you've always wanted to try, or something you've enjoyed in the past but fell by the wayside as your drinking took over?
are there any Uni clubs or societies for non-drinking-related activities you could join? maybe something you've always wanted to try, or something you've enjoyed in the past but fell by the wayside as your drinking took over?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: South Africa, Durban/Cape Town
Posts: 217
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233 
Ah Uni. Are all of your flatmate's partiers?
For me everything is a trigger, or nothing is. The difference is ME. If alcohol is on the table as an option to coping with life, then I'll FIND a reason to drink. If its not, then I have to find other ways of coping. Yeah, easier said than done but that is the cornerstone for me. Acceptance that I cannot drink, no matter what. Surrender. Knowing that if I do I will end up dead or in a very bad place.
That being said, I attend meetings (especially women's meetings). I exercise daily, get lots of sleep. I pray. I have a schedule, everyday, that I do my best to stick to. And I remind myself, a lot, that all feelings pass...including the desire to drink. Usually pretty quickly.
Find that women's meeting, get a sponsor. This will be a challenge. But you are at school to study and prepare for your future. Stay close to that goal.
For me everything is a trigger, or nothing is. The difference is ME. If alcohol is on the table as an option to coping with life, then I'll FIND a reason to drink. If its not, then I have to find other ways of coping. Yeah, easier said than done but that is the cornerstone for me. Acceptance that I cannot drink, no matter what. Surrender. Knowing that if I do I will end up dead or in a very bad place.
That being said, I attend meetings (especially women's meetings). I exercise daily, get lots of sleep. I pray. I have a schedule, everyday, that I do my best to stick to. And I remind myself, a lot, that all feelings pass...including the desire to drink. Usually pretty quickly.
Find that women's meeting, get a sponsor. This will be a challenge. But you are at school to study and prepare for your future. Stay close to that goal.
Yes, I'm going to my first meeting tomorrow evening. Got so many things to sort out tonight since I just came back, but tomorrow I'm free.
Really like the paragraph I highlighted. Yes, I heard the same thing at AA. Accepting that you cannot drink in the same manner you would accept you can't go underwater and hold your breath forever. You're right it's not easy but it is a mentality I have to adhere to.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: South Africa, Durban/Cape Town
Posts: 217
Originally Posted by andyh
if you're anything like me, stopping drinking gave me loads of spare time & I had to find things to fill it instead of sitting around being bored & in danger of picking up a drink just for something to do.
are there any Uni clubs or societies for non-drinking-related activities you could join? maybe something you've always wanted to try, or something you've enjoyed in the past but fell by the wayside as your drinking took over?
are there any Uni clubs or societies for non-drinking-related activities you could join? maybe something you've always wanted to try, or something you've enjoyed in the past but fell by the wayside as your drinking took over?
And yes there are non-drinking clubs at my school. I used to be in a couple but neglected them after drinking took over my life. I have been thinking of going back.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,468
Hey Hun,
First I would like to say I wish you the best, you seem to have a great head on your shoulders and I do believe in you.
With that, I also want to add that people who relapse... Have not wasted the sober time they have under their belts. They learn and grow from that experience. Now, I am not saying that to you as an excuse to relapse and if that is what you have to tell yourself to stay sober, that is fine. But I want you to know, nothing you do in sobriety is a waste, ever, we are building that toolbox.
I wish you the best at school and I think it is great you have gone for a swim when you see stuff you don't want to partake in. That is wonderful and keep up the great work!!!
First I would like to say I wish you the best, you seem to have a great head on your shoulders and I do believe in you.
With that, I also want to add that people who relapse... Have not wasted the sober time they have under their belts. They learn and grow from that experience. Now, I am not saying that to you as an excuse to relapse and if that is what you have to tell yourself to stay sober, that is fine. But I want you to know, nothing you do in sobriety is a waste, ever, we are building that toolbox.
I wish you the best at school and I think it is great you have gone for a swim when you see stuff you don't want to partake in. That is wonderful and keep up the great work!!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
OK tw, you and "5th person" are officially deemed by me to be best buds
this last semester. . . so it is written.
Your first homework assignment is to find and join / rejoin two non-drinking
clubs of interest to you.
Since I actually am a professor in real life, I also want you to get your textbooks
now if you already haven't, read through the introduction on each and overview the table of Contents,
and do a "gist read" of first chapters if you have time.
You also need to time yourself walking between where your classes are scheduled
so you are always on time or early, and check out what your instructors' office hours
are and where they might be found on Campus.
First day, be there and sitting not at the front but not at the back.
Maybe two or three rows back near the center.
Shut off your phone for every class, and make eye contact and
nod knowingly in support of said instructors on occasion to show
how rapt your attention is
You will no doubt be asking them for letters for future jobs or grad education,
so you are building your future as you do this, as I believe I mentioned in
another post. . .
You are an amazing and powerful woman about to take the world by storm.
It's important to be well-grounded and confident in your preparations.
Happy 2018!
this last semester. . . so it is written.
Your first homework assignment is to find and join / rejoin two non-drinking
clubs of interest to you.
Since I actually am a professor in real life, I also want you to get your textbooks
now if you already haven't, read through the introduction on each and overview the table of Contents,
and do a "gist read" of first chapters if you have time.
You also need to time yourself walking between where your classes are scheduled
so you are always on time or early, and check out what your instructors' office hours
are and where they might be found on Campus.
First day, be there and sitting not at the front but not at the back.
Maybe two or three rows back near the center.
Shut off your phone for every class, and make eye contact and
nod knowingly in support of said instructors on occasion to show
how rapt your attention is
You will no doubt be asking them for letters for future jobs or grad education,
so you are building your future as you do this, as I believe I mentioned in
another post. . .
You are an amazing and powerful woman about to take the world by storm.
It's important to be well-grounded and confident in your preparations.
Happy 2018!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: South Africa, Durban/Cape Town
Posts: 217
Originally Posted by DreamCatcher17
Hey Hun,
First I would like to say I wish you the best, you seem to have a great head on your shoulders and I do believe in you.
With that, I also want to add that people who relapse... Have not wasted the sober time they have under their belts. They learn and grow from that experience. Now, I am not saying that to you as an excuse to relapse and if that is what you have to tell yourself to stay sober, that is fine. But I want you to know, nothing you do in sobriety is a waste, ever, we are building that toolbox.
I wish you the best at school and I think it is great you have gone for a swim when you see stuff you don't want to partake in. That is wonderful and keep up the great work!!!
First I would like to say I wish you the best, you seem to have a great head on your shoulders and I do believe in you.
With that, I also want to add that people who relapse... Have not wasted the sober time they have under their belts. They learn and grow from that experience. Now, I am not saying that to you as an excuse to relapse and if that is what you have to tell yourself to stay sober, that is fine. But I want you to know, nothing you do in sobriety is a waste, ever, we are building that toolbox.
I wish you the best at school and I think it is great you have gone for a swim when you see stuff you don't want to partake in. That is wonderful and keep up the great work!!!
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 853
When I was at university, I wish I had tapped into all the social and cultural events that were going on other than drinking. Now that I'm a prof myself, I know that I missed out on so many wonderful organizations and groups. So I second the advice above to get involved. I also recommend finding a mentor on campus. Go to your professors' office hours, share your experiences and misgivings about the social/partying scene when you feel comfortable. Not only will that give you an alternative support system at uni, but your profs will likely be able to hook you up with cool opportunities and, ideally, other kinds of social activities. That's my two cents.
I also wish I had done uni sober, so you're way ahead of me! you sound like a rockstar w a bright future
I also wish I had done uni sober, so you're way ahead of me! you sound like a rockstar w a bright future
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
As with pretty much each uni, there is a party culture here
theres also a non party culture there. you just havent seen it yet.
start hitting them AA meetings and you'll find the non party culture.
i encourage you to get phone numbers from people at those meetings and use them BEFORE drinking. the phone is a LOT lighter than a bottle and much better solutions.
it would also be wise to read the big book. might be wise to keep it with you.
when i was new to recovery and AA that was suggested to me. opening it up to any old where and reading helped me in times the mental obsession was strong.
also might be wise to start working the steps,eh?
theres also a non party culture there. you just havent seen it yet.
start hitting them AA meetings and you'll find the non party culture.
i encourage you to get phone numbers from people at those meetings and use them BEFORE drinking. the phone is a LOT lighter than a bottle and much better solutions.
it would also be wise to read the big book. might be wise to keep it with you.
when i was new to recovery and AA that was suggested to me. opening it up to any old where and reading helped me in times the mental obsession was strong.
also might be wise to start working the steps,eh?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
I'm not sure you can avoid triggers at Uni TW - but I think you can definitely plan for how to deal with them though
make a recovery action plan - it can be as detailed as you want it to be
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
D
make a recovery action plan - it can be as detailed as you want it to be
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
D
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