Alcoholic- Scary Neurological Disorder?

Old 01-02-2018, 09:57 AM
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Unhappy Alcoholic- Scary Neurological Disorder?

Hi All,

First time poster here. I am hoping someone can help me.

I have had concerns about my partners's drinking for quite some time.

For some background, he is a 33 y/o male. At this point, I would call him more of a binge drinking than anything else. But absolutely has alcoholic tendencies.

He does not drink every day, but when he does, it is rare for him to NOT go overboard. I definitely feel that I am a good influence on him, and if I weren't around, he likely would be drinking nearly every day.

My concerns starts with how drunk he seems to get compared to everyone else in the room. I can have a quite a few drinks and be fine, but he has a few in a short amount of time and becomes a different person.

He is not mean, aggressive, abusive or anything. But he becomes very... odd.

It starts off with forgetfulness and trouble forming sentences (finding words, finishing thoughts, etc.) This, I also just chocked up to being drunk. But then, the eye fluttering and head bobbing begin. That's when I know it's time to tell him to go sleep it off.

Then begins his rambling, like he doesn't know what's going on.. like he is in a different world.

For example: the other night he was laying in bed after drinking and I came in the room to see he him. He began asking about "the glasses." He said: "I have to disagree about the glasses. The glasses that are a good gift. They are a small gift. They are a soft gift. Do you know what I mean?"

Of course, I did not know what he meant and what he was saying had no relevance to anything we had spoken about earlier in the day.

I am beginning to worry he has some neurological disorder that is contributing to this drunken behavior.

Does anyone have any experience with similar situations or behaviors?

I was looking into Wernicke Syndrome and wondering if that could potentially be the issue.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you
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Old 01-02-2018, 10:08 AM
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Alcoholism IS a neurological disorder. The recovery from it is completely counter-intuitive and requires much more of us (the ones in the vicinity) stepping away in healthy ways to allow the alcoholic space and dignity to take care of his or her own life without us judging them to be unfit.

The best thing I was able to do for my husband was to let him have full control over his own life.

His recovery is going very well now and it had absolutely nothing to do with me. It took a lot for me to see the drinking, relapses, etc. also had nothing to do with me.
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Old 01-02-2018, 10:16 AM
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SyndromeScared.....I think you are overthinking it, a bit....it sounds like typical drunk behavior, to me.....

The alcohol is an assault on the nervous system, for anyone....it changes the chemistry in the brain....

While you are here...I am giving you the following link to our extensive library on alcoholism and the effects on the loved ones...I hope you will take the time to read through them....
Knowledge is power...

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
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Old 01-02-2018, 10:19 AM
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Does he mix w/benzos of any kind? That is what it sounds like to me.
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Old 01-02-2018, 10:22 AM
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Originally Posted by hopeful4 View Post
Does he mix w/benzos of any kind? That is what it sounds like to me.
...or really, many different pharmaceuticals or opiates. Even anti-depressants and such are not supposed to be used with alcohol.

However, when I was young and a very heavy drinker I acted just like this...so I hear. :-|

I think it's never wise to try to diagnose someone else - his drinking is a problem obviously.
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Old 01-02-2018, 10:27 AM
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Originally Posted by hopeful4 View Post
Does he mix w/benzos of any kind? That is what it sounds like to me.
He does not.
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Old 01-02-2018, 10:34 AM
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Hi SyndromeSacred:
Well two things popped in my mind:
1. He is likely drinking way more than you think!
2. He'd benefit from an honest visit with his primary care doctor and possible neuro work up if needed.

But: what can YOU do about either of those things? Not much! He's your partner so obviously you can say "I am concerned about your brain, here's what's been happening when you drink that I don't think you realize...."

You can say, "Those symptoms are serious and warrant a visit to your PMD where you tell him/her how much you drink and what happens to your thinking and speech."

And then that's it. Whether he picks up the ball/suggestion is entirely up to him. You can only control what you do for yourself.

My experience with this is that even when told by doctors that they were destroying their livers and that their brains were being seriously damaged, the As in my life kept drinking. Kind of a sure sign of alcoholism! Like if my doctor told me that alcohol or peanut butter was affecting my liver or brain I would immediately stop drinking or eating peanut butter whatever LOL! No more would need to be said.

I'm an ER nurse and the physical damage and brain damage is quite real, yet I've triaged the same folks over and over, most just never stop drinking until it kills them or they are institutionalized. :-(

I hope your partner goes to the doctor with honesty! His symptoms may be neurologically entirely unrelated to alcohol, but they sure aren't normal. We can't give medical advice on this forum but here are some links to info about how alcohol damages the brain:

https://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publicati...-2/143-145.htm

https://www.ninds.nih.gov/Disorders/...formation-Page

Remember you can only change yourself, you didn't cause, can't control, and can't cure the addict. If there was a way believe me - none of us would be here - this forum would not exist! Collectively we've seen everything so welcome and hope you find the support you need for your own mental health, and sure hope your partner chooses to get a check-up soon.
Peace,
B.
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Old 01-02-2018, 11:01 AM
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yeah, i'm in the camp of either secretly drinking more than you observe AND/OR other drugs. key word here SECRET.

nothing you describe sounds like Wernicke Syndrome - that is a very severe and fairly rare progression of long term alcoholism.
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Old 01-02-2018, 11:12 AM
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII View Post
yeah, i'm in the camp of either secretly drinking more than you observe AND/OR other drugs. key word here SECRET.

nothing you describe sounds like Wernicke Syndrome - that is a very severe and fairly rare progression of long term alcoholism.
Could Adderall cause reactions like the ones described? That would be the only thing I could think of.
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Old 01-02-2018, 11:18 AM
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My concerns starts with how drunk he seems to get compared to everyone else in the room. I can have a quite a few drinks and be fine, but he has a few in a short amount of time and becomes a different person.
This perfectly describes how I drank. Except this is a progressive disease and I became a daily drinker. It's what happens when alcoholics drink.
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Old 01-02-2018, 11:36 AM
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Originally Posted by SyndromeScared View Post
My concerns starts with how drunk he seems to get compared to everyone else in the room. I can have a quite a few drinks and be fine, but he has a few in a short amount of time and becomes a different person.
Hi SyndromeScared,
My first thought is that he is drinking far more than you know. The above paragraph sounds eerily familiar and is where I was about 6 months ago. I would come home periodically with a bottle of wine to have a glass with dinner. Well once a bottle of wine was opened my AH couldn’t leave it alone until it was gone. But still would have 2 glasses of wine and be completely wasted.
I soon discovered he was drinking Long Island iced tea on his way home from work on a daily basis.
Just remember that alcoholism is a progressive disease that usually doesn’t get better before it gets worse.
Good luck to you! And sorry you are in this situation!
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Old 01-02-2018, 11:45 AM
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I do not know, but if he is on Adderall, I would say that is an entirely different problem. It is HIGHLY ADDICTIVE. I would say it's time he sees a doctor, and to be completely honest.

Originally Posted by SyndromeScared View Post
Could Adderall cause reactions like the ones described? That would be the only thing I could think of.
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Old 01-02-2018, 02:18 PM
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My $0.02 also is he is drinking far more than you think. IMO, he most likely has been drinking steadily (unbeknownst to you) and has built up a tolerance that he appears "normal" then when in a situation where he "has permission" to drink (e.g. a party or with others who are drinking) he piles the alcohol on top of the alcohol already in his system and becomes the weirdo you speak of. Not everybody gets falling down, passed out hammered. He is still trying to be functional like he always is when he's secretly drinking (but not over the top drinking) but neurologically can't handle it when it becomes over the top - hence the incoherent sentences, eye batting, head bobbing, etc.
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Old 01-02-2018, 02:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Refiner View Post
My $0.02 also is he is drinking far more than you think. IMO, he most likely has been drinking steadily (unbeknownst to you) and has built up a tolerance that he appears "normal" then when in a situation where he "has permission" to drink (e.g. a party or with others who are drinking) he piles the alcohol on top of the alcohol already in his system and becomes the weirdo you speak of. Not everybody gets falling down, passed out hammered. He is still trying to be functional like he always is when he's secretly drinking (but not over the top drinking) but neurologically can't handle it when it becomes over the top - hence the incoherent sentences, eye batting, head bobbing, etc.
Yep, I'd have my warm-up drinks before the party started
so it looked like I was drinking "normally" but really wasn't.

More will be revealed--either that or some kind of pill in the mix, possibly. . . .
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Old 01-02-2018, 03:56 PM
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Originally Posted by dandylion View Post
SyndromeScared.....I think you are overthinking it, a bit....it sounds like typical drunk behavior, to me.....

The alcohol is an assault on the nervous system, for anyone....it changes the chemistry in the brain....

While you are here...I am giving you the following link to our extensive library on alcoholism and the effects on the loved ones...I hope you will take the time to read through them....
Knowledge is power...

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html
Based on those posts what is the point in rehab? Nobody wants to be this way. I don't expect sympathy as I got railed on the last time I posted here. But seeing this is a RECOVERY website, why the continued putdown? Just the fact an addict/alcoholic WANTS to get help should be celebrated. Not roll your eyes and live your lives. Especially if you have kids. Genetics is a huge factor, and I ask my husband about it. "We'll deal with it if it occurs." He doesn't think our very sensitive and emotionally immature son (believe me I know), needs therapy while I go to rehab or that he needs to learn about alcoholism. Ban me from his life is the cure. He's a tough boy, he'll get through it. BS.

As the one going through the diseases, I think it is VITAL to have a partner on board that recognizes behaviors. My partner believes alcoholism is a choice and doesn't support my recovery in any kind. I've mentioned therapy for my son and he says no. He also refuses therapy for himself. In the past, while suicidal before kids, I was called out for "crying for attention" and he has been very against my depression. Doesn't get it. "Just deal with it."

Nobody can change the path I've taken. I have to deal with my depression, rape, alcoholism all on my own. But it DOES make a difference when you have support. And, as a woman, never getting that has ruined my self-esteem. No or whatever, but it is pretty common. And if nobody thinks that isn't a contributor to addiction or plays a part, then you're wrong.
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Old 01-02-2018, 04:52 PM
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Just the fact an addict/alcoholic WANTS to get help should be celebrated. Not roll your eyes and live your lives.

No where has the OP stated her alcoholic husband wants to get help, never mind actually gets help and follow through with it sustainably over years, and we have a saying around here nothing changes if nothing changes. Am not seeing anything to celebrate. We also didn't cause it, cannot control it and cannot cure it so I don't agree that spouses should have any role in their husband or wifes recovery process.
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Old 01-02-2018, 04:53 PM
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Babescake,

1. This thread is not about you.

2. It is far from hopeless.

3. It is not POSSIBLE for friends and family to "heal" the alcoholic.

4. Happy New Year : )
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Old 01-02-2018, 06:12 PM
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Yep, I'd have my warm-up drinks before the party started
so it looked like I was drinking "normally" but really wasn't.


yup, the pre-func!
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Old 01-03-2018, 07:00 AM
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Babescake...let me explain something from the other side of the coin. Before I divorced my now X husband, I spent 18 years supporting him, cheering him on, begging for him to get help. At some point, I had to focus on my children and what was best for them, and for me. So when my XAH sucked up THOUSANDS of dollars through legal fees, rehabs, etc, I was left holding onto life. Getting our very fragile children through it. Trying to explain it all while trying not to have a nervous breakdown myself. Being the mother, and the father. Being responsible for everything and everyone.

When asked why he drinks, my XAH floored me by admitting to the counselor, in front of me, that sometimes he is just bored or keyed up and needs to drink. That is CHOICE. A choice that has nearly taken me and my children down the rabbit hole with him.

What he could do, but chooses not to, is to continue therapy. To actually go and get meaningful help, and not expect everyone else to fix everything for him. To ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY for the fallout of what he has caused, and be willing to work on himself to change the future with his children.

I cannot control him, nor do I want to. The only reason I even get involved is because we have two AMAZING kids together. These kids still hurt all the time because of his selfish and irresponsible behaviors.

Expecting to come to this forum, with people who have suffered from the affects of addiction, and even more importantly, watched their children suffer, over and over, is something you have to be sensitive to. When you bring children into this world, they become #1. Over you, over your husband, over your needs and wants. If a person will do what is good for their children, every single time, it won't lead them astray.

I wish you well, and I hope you put everything you have into your own recovery.

Originally Posted by Babescake View Post
Based on those posts what is the point in rehab? Nobody wants to be this way. I don't expect sympathy as I got railed on the last time I posted here. But seeing this is a RECOVERY website, why the continued putdown? Just the fact an addict/alcoholic WANTS to get help should be celebrated. Not roll your eyes and live your lives. Especially if you have kids. Genetics is a huge factor, and I ask my husband about it. "We'll deal with it if it occurs." He doesn't think our very sensitive and emotionally immature son (believe me I know), needs therapy while I go to rehab or that he needs to learn about alcoholism. Ban me from his life is the cure. He's a tough boy, he'll get through it. BS.

As the one going through the diseases, I think it is VITAL to have a partner on board that recognizes behaviors. My partner believes alcoholism is a choice and doesn't support my recovery in any kind. I've mentioned therapy for my son and he says no. He also refuses therapy for himself. In the past, while suicidal before kids, I was called out for "crying for attention" and he has been very against my depression. Doesn't get it. "Just deal with it."

Nobody can change the path I've taken. I have to deal with my depression, rape, alcoholism all on my own. But it DOES make a difference when you have support. And, as a woman, never getting that has ruined my self-esteem. No or whatever, but it is pretty common. And if nobody thinks that isn't a contributor to addiction or plays a part, then you're wrong.
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Old 01-03-2018, 07:11 AM
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Thank you, Hopeful. Well said.
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