2 years sober
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2
2 years sober
Hello. I've just registered. I'm nearly 2 years sober and happy about that. But I am angry and ashamed of how I was when drinking. I know I need to not dwell on the past but it gets to me at this time of year.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi Trac,
I'm glad you registered and reached out. Sometimes the holidays can stir up feelings that are upsetting. You're right to try to not dwell on those thoughts. Congratulations on your 2 years of recovery.
I'm glad you registered and reached out. Sometimes the holidays can stir up feelings that are upsetting. You're right to try to not dwell on those thoughts. Congratulations on your 2 years of recovery.
I like the saying: Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. Try not to dwell on the past. We've all made mistakes.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 1,065
Welcome!
I despise who I was when I was drinking. Things I did and honestly I despised drinkers, so I spell hypocrite "em ee"
I don't sleep as much as I did when drinking, so I have more time to revisit memories that bring up the self loathing, but I know I have to work through them and work to prove to others, I am not that person, otherwise I will be trapped in the cycle of addiction.
For me, it wasn't some disease talking or the alcohol made me do it, I chose to drink, I chose to say or do stupid Things, I am a bag of dirt for doing it, I have to figure out how to forgive myself and move forward. It is hard, but it gets easier.
I despise who I was when I was drinking. Things I did and honestly I despised drinkers, so I spell hypocrite "em ee"
I don't sleep as much as I did when drinking, so I have more time to revisit memories that bring up the self loathing, but I know I have to work through them and work to prove to others, I am not that person, otherwise I will be trapped in the cycle of addiction.
For me, it wasn't some disease talking or the alcohol made me do it, I chose to drink, I chose to say or do stupid Things, I am a bag of dirt for doing it, I have to figure out how to forgive myself and move forward. It is hard, but it gets easier.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 503
Amazing work on two years, Trac. I too end up swimming in a dizzying pool of guilt at times or most of the time, perhaps. For me there are so many thoughts I can’t catch them and it’s tough. I’ve recently started writing down specific ‘guilt items’ every morning that flooded me the day before. I don’t remember them all at once but I know one day I will and so it doesn’t matter I only get down one or two at a time. I even write in illegible ‘code’ sometimes because I’m paranoid about someone reading it but it’s still helping a little bit each time. Not sure why it seems to help but it helps me to identify and state.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
Hi Trac. Firstly, amazing job on two years sober. That's simply awesome. I agree with the others, we can't change the past but can learn from it and try to move on. I think most of us feel terrible guilt and shame about what we put our friends and family through but it doesn't mean we should be condemned forever for it. I've decided to try my best to make amends by being a good person. That's all anyone can do. Focus on the good......you have two years!!!!!!!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
