Stevie1979

First...Happy New Year to you all!! Wishing everyone here all the best .

I've been feeling absolutely amazing since starting this journey about 2 months ago. There have been so many moments that I wonder why some people talk about how hard it is. I mean that with absolutely no disrespect I'm just a bit surprised with myself is all. Somehow, it's been easy for me.

Then today hit. And all the feelings. The insecurity, the emptiness, the feeling like a needed something to help me escape, then the tears just started flowing.

I'm so thankful that up until know I've had it relatively easy. I know this is going to be a life long of ups and downs but hitting a really hard down at this moment. NOT even considering taking a sip but just could use some of you wonderful people's words of encouragement. You are all truly a blessing in this journey and I'm so grateful that I have this safe place to come to.

This too shall pass I suppose.....

DarklingSong

Did something happen to set those feelings off? If not, it is early days and will pass I am sure.....

You have done brilliantly to get to this stage without too much strife, so you must be doing something right!

xxxNICHOLExxx

Day 55 congrats you have came a long way no reason to stop now!!! Unfortunately life has its ups and downs we can stand still in the moment or fix and move on I know how the escape feeling is but you can never escape reality it will still be waiting on you after you ”come back” can you find something to do to pass the time cause the feeling will pass!! maybe figure out why your feeling this way and work on it sry I feel I’m not much help but I’m here for you and I support you but your 55 days gives me hope

JJ991

I think it is fairly normal to have ups and downs. I remember struggling at around 6 weeks, I just felt so sad - sad at the person I'd "lost", wondering who I was etc. The feelings were not nice but they passed. You're doing really well, maybe try focusing on what you've achieved or doing a grateful list?

Keep going! Take care.

MidnightBlue

Happy New Year, Stevie!

Congrats on 55 days!

My emotions were all over the place during first 90 days.

It can be hard to deal with, but I saw it as emotions reviving after a long time of being numb with alcohol.

Also being emotional is human. Primal task of emotions is to assess our life experience. Ancient people had neither pro and cons list or psychotherapy. So emotions were kind of handy to deal with the world.

I had to learn how to react to emotions. Trace it to the source and decode what it is telling me.

I know a thing or two about insecurity. Even at 5+ years of sobriety, doing boxing, kickboxing and having experience of managing high-profile projects I often feel like in the middle of spotlight with magnifying glass aimed at my flaws and past. And I want to crawl into a deep hole and never come back.

Nothing bad about tears. Warriors were not ashamed to cry.

Emptiness..What is it for you? Can you describe how it feels? Maybe, it's not a bad thing either. You are making transition from old reality (drinking, old habits and behavior, friendships based on drinking activities, etc) to new reality which is uncertain. It's sure thing better, but still nothing familiar to hold on to. At some point gravity is lost. Emptiness. Vacuum.

You know how satellites are navigated? Among other things they have special devices which keep them pointed to the Sun or a certain star.

Find your new star. Get attuned to it.

Jamie Fox (actor and musician) said: "What's on the other side of the fear? Nothing".

There is nothing to fear about emotions emerging.

Be patient with yourself. Explore new you and new reality.

You'll be fine.

Happy New Year.

Anna

Happy New Year to you too, Stevie!

I'm glad to hear that your recovery so far, has been relatively easy. It's bound to happen that there will be ups and downs and it sounds like you're getting through this. Good job!

JustTony

55 days is great going.

I'm on 30 days and feel a lot like you. To be honest I haven't found it that hard as I have been thinking about other things like health, fitness, body fat percentage and weight as my lifestyle goals - not drinking has been pushed (in a trick of my mind) to consideration tier number two!

However....

Very occasionally a feeling of despair/depression washes over me. Sometimes it lasts for a few minutes, sometimes an hour, and the other day it lasted most of one whole day.

I don't know if this is because I have given up drinking or if I just have times when I feel low.? Being on a constant high would be bloody exhausting and being continually just 'ok' would be a bit boring maybe? So perhaps the odd low isn't that unusual or totally unwelcome?

Anyway - just posting to say we are fairly similar and that you're not alone.

Regards,

JT

Stevie1979

You guys are amazing. I needed to hear alllll of this.

I took Nyquil last night as I have a cold coming on. I woke up this morning with the closest thing to feeling like having a hangover and a wave of what my life used to feel like washed over me. And it felt scary and sad and a million things all at once. Then that just led into that weird lonely and depressed feeling that I basically lived in for YEARS when I was drinking. And it's been absent since I gave up the booze so haven't it come back with such a boom was a lot . But I know it will pass, in fact reading these messages and sitting outside (even though it's freezing) has already helped.

Again, these messages are so thoughtful and helpful. Thank you .

least

Early recovery can be a bumpy ride for a while. Yes, it will pass.

ishallnotwant

Stevie
I'm at 51 days and have felt as you describe over the past 2 days. I am hanging on--doing a lot of cooking, eating, and BB reading. I keep reminding myself that I do not have a "get out of unpleasantness free" card. I know there will be better days to come because no one would stay in recovery if they felt like this all the time. Faith and hope! You're not alone.

PalmerSage

Congratulations on 55 days, and also for posting about how you're feeling.

Dee74

Hi Stevie
check your nyquil bottle - it may have alcohol in it, which in turn may account for how you're feeling today.

Congrats on day 55

D

Strugglingtoget

One truth I know: however I feel right now, I will feel much much worse if I drink. Ands then I will again have to struggle from the depths of compulsion/cravings to get back to sobriety. The poisoning will be worse, the road back harder. The regret immense.