Vonski

I'm at the end of my tether. I feel alone in my relationship as my significant other is only interested in the next can.

honeypig

Welcome, Vonski. Glad you found us here at SR. Although you feel terribly alone, you are not. Everyone here has walked in your shoes and understands.

Reading around the F&F section here as much as you can, as well as checking out the "stickies" at the top of the page, will give you a good overview of alcoholism and life w/an alcoholic. Alanon can be a great in-person resource, too. As one of our members here likes to say, "Knowledge is power!" It's so true--when I was in my own little tiny world w/XAH, everything was an n of 1. I had no way to reality check what I was seeing, hearing, feeling, being told. I felt alone, scared, and constantly off balance and confused.

Once I got started in SR and Alanon, I began to see the patterns of behavior that A's seem to share. I felt a lot less crazy and alone. Then I began to see the patterns of behavior that I shared w/other spouses/partners/etc. of A's. Now that was truly eye-opening!

Hope to hear more from you in the days to come--your New Year can be "new" in more ways than you can even imagine right now.

Maudcat

Welcome, Vonski.
Just wanted to say hi.

Vonski

Thank you... I'm fighting a losing battle to save my relationship. It's a comfort to know others are in the same boat as me. Same excuses, same lies, same despair.

SparkleKitty

I remember this feeling well. I tried everything to fix it, refusing to accept that I had no control over my XABF or what he did. Once I was able to accept it, however, I found it extremely freeing and empowering, knowing I no longer had to live with the consequences of someone else's choices if I did not wish to.

honeypig

You'll see it said here many times--one person alone cannot save a relationship. If your partner is willing to work hard, and shows you this in actions, not just promises to change, then there is reason to believe the relationship could work out.

If, on the other hand, it's just you who sees a problem, if your partner thinks the only problem IS YOU....things are quite a bit different.

And despair? Yes, now, for sure. In the end, though--hope. Only hope.

Ladybird579

I tried to save my relationship for 20 years. It was only when I realised, with the help of the lovely people here (and not a small amount of boots up the butt from them ) we didn't have a relationship cos his only relationship was with himself and alcohol, I was able to let him go. He honestly didn't care except that his free money was gone and he was angry he had to find another sucker to enable him. His strategy was taking me to the cleaners financially but it was worth it to get him out of my life. That hurt at the time but now I am moving forward with my life without him in it and ..wow...the feelings of freedom from all that drama and being made to feel like rubbish is amazing. It's not been easy. I had to admit I had underlying problems that had kept me in that situation for so long and had to work on them and 3 years on I am still a wip. There is hope tho. You have choices. You do not have to live like this anymore. Welcome to SR.

Vonski

So many people in the same predicament. I'm at the stage of ' I can't be bothered anymore ' he admits he has a problem but doesn't want to do anything about it. I think my answer lies right there. My life feels full of negativity and I'm so frustrated with everything around me. I feel like I'm continuously banging my head against a brick wall. Drink is definitely the demon in this house 😞

Ariesagain

Sending you a hug.

dandylion

Vonski....the following link is to our extensive library of excellent articles on alcoholism and the effects on the loved ones....I hope you will take the time to read through them.....

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)