LT55

My A H is almost 1 year sober (so he claims) but I've noticed for about a year he's been carrying around hundred dollar bills and not telling me. (Yes I look, because he lies.) He does have a separate bank account he keeps his tuition money in and he has told me of the account. Hes not withdrawing moneu from our joint account so it has to come from his tuition account. I need advice! WHY would he carry large 100 dollar bills around? Is it an affair? Or what I fear...buying drugs? I feel I'm in denial, but second guess my gut and evidence of LG cash. I don't want to be live the worst, what could be going on?

HardLessons

LT55

Please trust what your gut tells you. If you gut is telling you there is something wrong then there probably is.

I am a business professional & I do not walk around with hundred dollar bills in my pocket. But that's me.

Joint account? You may want to think about that.

Thanks

Ann

I agree always trust your instinct.

The fact that you are too uncomfortable to just ask him, speaks volumes. Heathy relationships talk about money honestly and without fear..

I guarantee that whatever the reason, it's not going to be good. We don't hide good things.

Good luck.

OpheliaKatz

Never have a joint account with an addict. A year or two sobriety is not enough (for me to trust them with my money).

PeacefulWater12

I have found trusting my gut instinct is the best way too.

cynical one

Is it always the same hundred dollar bill? (serial number)

I always carry a stashed $100 for emergencies. (cab fare home)

LT55

No, its different 100's. Sometimes its a 100, 200, 400 cash, and its never the same bills.

AnvilheadII

what does the bank account look like?

there are a lot of reasons why one might carry large bills. some of those are fairly innocent, others not so much.

cash isn't traceable as using a debit or credit card would be. but the $$ would still have to come from somewhere. atms pay out in 20s, so he'd have to be withdrawing from a teller at a bank.

perhaps he wants to impress people - perhaps power lunches at work? maybe he's trying to buy you something nice without leaving an online trace?

maybe it's going for drugs and hookers. hookers don't usually make change, so those would be some fairly pricey "treats".

really hard to say hon...........speculation isn't going to get you anywhere.

Angrymarble

I’ve had an atm give me hundreds. I hated it bc they are harder to spend.

LT55

He doesn't buy me gifts, and he has a separate account for his tuition money, I'm certain the withdrawal s are coming from there. He's been having hundreds on him frequently, for over a year. I've stopped asking him because his answers don't jive and he's a great liar. I was just hoping someone has experienced this behavior in others and could give me insight as to what it could mean. I'm afraid it's drugs, I'm just trying to make sense of it, because I can't trust my instincts because what I see, doesn't match with his words

bradly22

That does sound a little strange. I don't suppose you could ask him about it?

LT55

He says the money is for his hobby, but he ALWAYS uses debit to purchase his hobby...

SparkleKitty

Regardless of what he is using the hundreds for, saying he is "great liar" is not high praise for the future of your relationship. Without trust, there is not a lot to build on.

AnvilheadII

because I can't trust my instincts because what I see, doesn't match with his words

his words are just words......it's the actions that matter.

you CAN trust your instincts. this may cause you to make different, painful choices, but you see what you see and you know what you know.

nytepassion

Do you suppose he might be selling drugs? Your gut instinct is telling something is off and his reasons don't add up so there is absolutely something fishy going on.

Unfortunately it looks like he isn't offering honesty, but the truth will eventually reveal itself.

Passion

hopeful4

Trust your gut.

If he is a great liar, that is a problem.

atalose

And that’s why it’s easier to be in denial so that you don’t have to live the worst. Trust your gut and trust the evidence. Drugs would be my best guess.

Affair, drugs, what is your deal breaker?

So if he’s a great liar and you know this to be a fact, trusting your instincts should be that much easier. Painful and hurtful yes but no relationship survives on lies and no trust.

tomsteve

drugs or affairs,
because he lies.
would be enough for me to decide i have to look into actions to take for my own well being.

as for this:
I was just hoping someone has experienced this behavior in others and could give me insight as to what it could mean

i think it means hes lieing about something. what it is, i wouldnt care about at this time.