you don't even NEED 'a problem'
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
you don't even NEED 'a problem'
Like a lot of you, alcohol was there around me before I was aware of it. Alcohol shaped my perspective in subtle ways even as a child. It meant being ‘grown up’. It meant celebration. It meant vacation. It meant fun and relaxation and it meant deer camp and holidays. Like a lot of you, by the time I was in middle school, I was consciously aware of alcohol being ‘cool’. It was associated with sports, with success, with adulthood and sophistication. It wasn’t hard to see that pretty much everyone we looked up to used alcohol. It was given and received. It was everywhere.
Like a lot of you, I started drinking during my teen years. It’s what everyone did. At times, it was excessive. Other times merely a surreptitious, exciting and prohibited enhancement to teenage life. Sometimes, it got entirely out of hand. But that was just youthful ignorance. Bad luck. Mostly it was just part of being a kid. A sort of coming of age. After all, it was part and parcel of being an adult. One only had to look around to understand that. Parents, teachers, politicians, sports figures, the television, the radio, magazines, rock-n-roll icons, writers. It was obvious the world revered alcohol and clearly, one couldn’t expect to live a rewarding life without drinking.
Like a lot of you, drinking followed me through adolescence, the military, college, adulthood, my first real adult job, marriage, career. It was just part of the tapestry. The backdrop. It was never an issue, a question or a problem. Regardless how many hangovers, headaches, regrettable actions or discussions – those were all just unfortunate events. Alcohol wasn’t a problem. It was just something adults did. Everyone did. After all, how could one celebrate, mourn, respect, acknowledge, relax, enjoy, eat or mark any occasion without alcohol? Look around. Clearly drinking is normal. Even expected. There would be something starkly wrong with a person who didn’t drink.
Like a lot of you, alcohol slowly, gradually, imperceptibly became more and more a part of life. It was a central figure around which a lot of life was quietly but craftily molded. Business. Relationships. Sex. Love. Vacation. Loss. Grief. Elation. Escape. Obligation. When was the last time more than a week or so had slipped by without it? Never mind. Everyone can say the same. Just look around. How many people do you even know who’ve gone without a drink for even a month? It’s just what people do. Alcohol is part of life. It’s even good for you. Look at all those studies.
Like a lot of you, at some point there came a vague recognition that maybe alcohol was less good than I’d believed. It wasn’t an acknowledgement, not yet. Nowhere near an acceptance. Still, a subtle nagging awareness that this wasn’t a positive relationship. I didn’t have trouble every time I drank – but every time I’d been in trouble I’d been drinking. Like a lot of you, if I was honest with myself, it negatively impacted my life. There were DUIs. There were challenges in relationship. There was financial strain. There were emotional and psychological impact. It was a lot easier not to be honest with myself.
Like a lot of you, there came a time when it was obvious this relationship was becoming truly unhealthy. It was still easy to look around and say “but everyone’s doing it”. It was incredibly hard to fathom a life without alcohol. Becoming just as difficult, though, was trying to fathom continued life with it. To call an end to this relationship was to take a giant risk. It was to be vulnerable. To be different. To be strange and maybe even seen as lesser, weaker, or in some way broken. To continue this relationship was to risk everything that made life actually worth living. It was a hell of a quandary.
Four years ago I made the choice to live in sobriety. I chose to return to the life that children know – one where celebration, respect, fun, grief, excitement, honor, pain, elation can all be experienced without alcohol. It was hard. Especially that first year. Like a lot of you, I’d not gone very long without alcohol in a very, very long time. Like a lot of you, I’d quietly tried not drinking – and failed – numerous times. Like a lot of you, the very thought of a life without drinking was nearly impossible to imagine.
Today, it’s nearly impossible to imagine a life with alcohol. The life I’ve opened into as a result of sobriety is the best life of my entire life’s experience. It’s a life I don’t want or need to escape from. It’s a life of integrity, responsibility, presence, feeling, joy, freedom, love and service. It’s a life I would gladly wish upon anyone. Like a lot of you – I once felt that alcohol wasn’t a problem. Nowadays, I realize that whether or not it was a problem – alcohol stood between me and an abundant life. Today, I want you to know that it doesn’t have to be a problem. It doesn’t need to be creating obvious harm. It doesn’t need to unravel your life. You can make a choice to live without alcohol even if everything is just fine. Today, I want you to know that not everyone drinks. I want you to know that a lot of people who did for a very long time finally realize what it took from them. I want you to know that it doesn’t have to take anything more from you.
Like a lot of you, I was in that dysfunctional relationship for longer than I wish I would have been. Now I see the beauty that life holds in every moment, every day. I don’t want to cloud that with even one beer’s worth of not being fully present for whatever is left of this ride for me. Like a lot of you, I once felt the pull toward a better life, but stayed stuck in that abusive relationship for far longer than I should have because I didn’t know how to get out.
If you’re there – you don’t have to be. And your life can be far more beautiful than you can imagine if you choose it. If you’re confused about how to get out, you can ask me. I’m happy to share my experience. There are many others, too. All it takes is your choice.
Here’s to life
Like a lot of you, I started drinking during my teen years. It’s what everyone did. At times, it was excessive. Other times merely a surreptitious, exciting and prohibited enhancement to teenage life. Sometimes, it got entirely out of hand. But that was just youthful ignorance. Bad luck. Mostly it was just part of being a kid. A sort of coming of age. After all, it was part and parcel of being an adult. One only had to look around to understand that. Parents, teachers, politicians, sports figures, the television, the radio, magazines, rock-n-roll icons, writers. It was obvious the world revered alcohol and clearly, one couldn’t expect to live a rewarding life without drinking.
Like a lot of you, drinking followed me through adolescence, the military, college, adulthood, my first real adult job, marriage, career. It was just part of the tapestry. The backdrop. It was never an issue, a question or a problem. Regardless how many hangovers, headaches, regrettable actions or discussions – those were all just unfortunate events. Alcohol wasn’t a problem. It was just something adults did. Everyone did. After all, how could one celebrate, mourn, respect, acknowledge, relax, enjoy, eat or mark any occasion without alcohol? Look around. Clearly drinking is normal. Even expected. There would be something starkly wrong with a person who didn’t drink.
Like a lot of you, alcohol slowly, gradually, imperceptibly became more and more a part of life. It was a central figure around which a lot of life was quietly but craftily molded. Business. Relationships. Sex. Love. Vacation. Loss. Grief. Elation. Escape. Obligation. When was the last time more than a week or so had slipped by without it? Never mind. Everyone can say the same. Just look around. How many people do you even know who’ve gone without a drink for even a month? It’s just what people do. Alcohol is part of life. It’s even good for you. Look at all those studies.
Like a lot of you, at some point there came a vague recognition that maybe alcohol was less good than I’d believed. It wasn’t an acknowledgement, not yet. Nowhere near an acceptance. Still, a subtle nagging awareness that this wasn’t a positive relationship. I didn’t have trouble every time I drank – but every time I’d been in trouble I’d been drinking. Like a lot of you, if I was honest with myself, it negatively impacted my life. There were DUIs. There were challenges in relationship. There was financial strain. There were emotional and psychological impact. It was a lot easier not to be honest with myself.
Like a lot of you, there came a time when it was obvious this relationship was becoming truly unhealthy. It was still easy to look around and say “but everyone’s doing it”. It was incredibly hard to fathom a life without alcohol. Becoming just as difficult, though, was trying to fathom continued life with it. To call an end to this relationship was to take a giant risk. It was to be vulnerable. To be different. To be strange and maybe even seen as lesser, weaker, or in some way broken. To continue this relationship was to risk everything that made life actually worth living. It was a hell of a quandary.
Four years ago I made the choice to live in sobriety. I chose to return to the life that children know – one where celebration, respect, fun, grief, excitement, honor, pain, elation can all be experienced without alcohol. It was hard. Especially that first year. Like a lot of you, I’d not gone very long without alcohol in a very, very long time. Like a lot of you, I’d quietly tried not drinking – and failed – numerous times. Like a lot of you, the very thought of a life without drinking was nearly impossible to imagine.
Today, it’s nearly impossible to imagine a life with alcohol. The life I’ve opened into as a result of sobriety is the best life of my entire life’s experience. It’s a life I don’t want or need to escape from. It’s a life of integrity, responsibility, presence, feeling, joy, freedom, love and service. It’s a life I would gladly wish upon anyone. Like a lot of you – I once felt that alcohol wasn’t a problem. Nowadays, I realize that whether or not it was a problem – alcohol stood between me and an abundant life. Today, I want you to know that it doesn’t have to be a problem. It doesn’t need to be creating obvious harm. It doesn’t need to unravel your life. You can make a choice to live without alcohol even if everything is just fine. Today, I want you to know that not everyone drinks. I want you to know that a lot of people who did for a very long time finally realize what it took from them. I want you to know that it doesn’t have to take anything more from you.
Like a lot of you, I was in that dysfunctional relationship for longer than I wish I would have been. Now I see the beauty that life holds in every moment, every day. I don’t want to cloud that with even one beer’s worth of not being fully present for whatever is left of this ride for me. Like a lot of you, I once felt the pull toward a better life, but stayed stuck in that abusive relationship for far longer than I should have because I didn’t know how to get out.
If you’re there – you don’t have to be. And your life can be far more beautiful than you can imagine if you choose it. If you’re confused about how to get out, you can ask me. I’m happy to share my experience. There are many others, too. All it takes is your choice.
Here’s to life
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 100
thanks for writing this post out.
at 66 days today and i catch myself starting to see the beauty of life in everyday moments.
there's beauty in the highs and also in the lows.
starting to get used to sobriety. i will keep going and see where the journey leads.
at 66 days today and i catch myself starting to see the beauty of life in everyday moments.
there's beauty in the highs and also in the lows.
starting to get used to sobriety. i will keep going and see where the journey leads.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: LI, NY
Posts: 982
So well written, I’m very happy for you! This line spoke to me the most-
Like a lot of you – I once felt that alcohol wasn’t a problem. Nowadays, I realize that whether or not it was a problem – alcohol stood between me and an abundant life.
Like a lot of you – I once felt that alcohol wasn’t a problem. Nowadays, I realize that whether or not it was a problem – alcohol stood between me and an abundant life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 4,553
I chose to return to the life that children know – one where celebration, respect, fun, grief, excitement, honor, pain, elation can all be experienced without alcohol.
Oh freeowl what a lovely way of looking at it
Oh freeowl what a lovely way of looking at it
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
What a wonderful post ,it really is .
My life has been so intertwined with alcohol from as far back as I can remember . Having 11 uncles 2 aunts there was always get together's and always lots of drinking . Me having a sister and 4 brothers for some reason turned out the only alcoholic . I didn't understand that and for a while and this bothered me till I eventually gave up trying to work it out . Now I have acceptance and peace .
Love peace and health for 2018 .
My life has been so intertwined with alcohol from as far back as I can remember . Having 11 uncles 2 aunts there was always get together's and always lots of drinking . Me having a sister and 4 brothers for some reason turned out the only alcoholic . I didn't understand that and for a while and this bothered me till I eventually gave up trying to work it out . Now I have acceptance and peace .
Love peace and health for 2018 .
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 634
Originally Posted by joandmelandhan 
I chose to return to the life that children know – one where celebration, respect, fun, grief, excitement, honor, pain, elation can all be experienced without alcohol.
Oh freeowl what a lovely way of looking at it
Oh freeowl what a lovely way of looking at it
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Simply fabulous insight as always, FreeOwl. All I ever meant it to be was a little relaxation & a break from everyday worries. Never dreamed I would never draw a sober breath in the end.
Congratulations on your 4 years free of it. Wishing you many blessings in your sober new 2018.
Congratulations on your 4 years free of it. Wishing you many blessings in your sober new 2018.
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