I feel like an idiot...
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Join Date: Nov 2017
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I feel like an idiot...
I tell myself that I am going to ask for divorce and am pretty much resolved to that. Then.... I think just give it time. He actually got me something for Christmas but it was too small so he took it back today to get larger size. Gets home and nothing.... so I finally ask if I am just not getting anything and he’s like omg I’m such an air head...blah blah blah. Goes in the truck and gets it. I feel so humiliated that I even asked for it but it was the only present I got for Christmas. I immediately bust into tears. Why oh why does this still hurt so much. I KNOW how selfish he is and I just think he is going to be different?! Like he is actually going to think of me before he thinks of sitting on the couch and facebooking all night. Ugh! My gosh am I a fool. It sounds like such a stupid thing but....
Ok, got it out thanks for the chance to vent... <sigh>
Ok, got it out thanks for the chance to vent... <sigh>
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Join Date: Dec 2004
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Listen to your Inner Self... listen to your body knowledge... NOT your brain. Stop, breathe deeply... are you safe?
My "aha!" moment with my parents was when my dad gave me something insignificant yet I lit up with happiness that was out of context... at first I was enjoying the "happy" but with the healing recovery I'd been doing, it didn't take long for me to look at it with a new viewpoint of how ill my response was.
Knowledge is power.
Awareness is power.
One day at a time.
May you have many beautiful special gifts in your future. (((Hugs)))
My "aha!" moment with my parents was when my dad gave me something insignificant yet I lit up with happiness that was out of context... at first I was enjoying the "happy" but with the healing recovery I'd been doing, it didn't take long for me to look at it with a new viewpoint of how ill my response was.
Knowledge is power.
Awareness is power.
One day at a time.
May you have many beautiful special gifts in your future. (((Hugs)))
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Scary time...I think we know when we are on the short end of the stick....and, I can tell you that the short end stinks!
I am sure that when you got married, you didn't envision living on the short end....?
I am sure that when you got married, you didn't envision living on the short end....?
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=dandy lion
Sure got that right! I am just so tired of taking in the responsibility for EVERYTHING, and he just gets to coast through life and has me to pay the bills, do laundry, clean the house, and on and on! Just once I would like him to do something without me asking him to or without f-ing it up. I seriously believe that all of his drinking for so long has messed up his brain. He was so thoughtful and supportive early on and I think I just keep looking for him or anything left of that person because i cannot believe I married this a$$hole, thoughtless, selfish jerk I live with now... 😪
Sure got that right! I am just so tired of taking in the responsibility for EVERYTHING, and he just gets to coast through life and has me to pay the bills, do laundry, clean the house, and on and on! Just once I would like him to do something without me asking him to or without f-ing it up. I seriously believe that all of his drinking for so long has messed up his brain. He was so thoughtful and supportive early on and I think I just keep looking for him or anything left of that person because i cannot believe I married this a$$hole, thoughtless, selfish jerk I live with now... 😪
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Join Date: Dec 2017
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Originally Posted by ScaryTime 
=dandy lion
Sure got that right! I am just so tired of taking in the responsibility for EVERYTHING, and he just gets to coast through life and has me to pay the bills, do laundry, clean the house, and on and on! Just once I would like him to do something without me asking him to or without f-ing it up. I seriously believe that all of his drinking for so long has messed up his brain. He was so thoughtful and supportive early on and I think I just keep looking for him or anything left of that person because i cannot believe I married this a$$hole, thoughtless, selfish jerk I live with now... 😪
Sure got that right! I am just so tired of taking in the responsibility for EVERYTHING, and he just gets to coast through life and has me to pay the bills, do laundry, clean the house, and on and on! Just once I would like him to do something without me asking him to or without f-ing it up. I seriously believe that all of his drinking for so long has messed up his brain. He was so thoughtful and supportive early on and I think I just keep looking for him or anything left of that person because i cannot believe I married this a$$hole, thoughtless, selfish jerk I live with now... 😪
My own has always been, "My husband is a truly good person when he's not drinking."
It's not true but I've said it thousands of times. I made it an affirmation for myself and believed in it so firmly that I never doubted it's veracity for years. Then I read those few paragraphs and realized I was lying to myself.
A "truly good person" doesn't put himself first to the detriment of others at all times. A "truly good person" doesn't hurt his partner repeatedly and think surface apologies should be enough to fix that. A "truly good person" doesn't choose, over and over and over again, to hurt you and put you last. And a truly good person doesn't lie to everyone they know and everyone you know and ask you to lie for them - that happened frequently when sober, so that's not the drink talking, it's a broken character.
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Thank you for this glenl!
A "truly good person" doesn't put himself first to the detriment of others at all times. A "truly good person" doesn't hurt his partner repeatedly and think surface apologies should be enough to fix that. A "truly good person" doesn't choose, over and over and over again, to hurt you and put you last. And a truly good person doesn't lie to everyone they know and everyone you know and ask you to lie for them - that happened frequently when sober, so that's not the drink talking, it's a broken character.[/QUOTE]
I think after awhile I start to feel like my expectations are too high. He said last night “sorry I can’t help it”. Oh but I think he can he just chooses not to think of me, ever.
He is at the phase now that he is blaming “he’s an alcoholic” like that gives him carte blanche for being a jerk. I know the example I gave seems so minor.
It is just the principle of it.
I don’t know. I had a great Christmas Day then every time I’m around him I cry, get angry and depressed.
But thank you again for the reminder that it is not just me, I know I am not perfect and I take responsibility for that, o am just worn out from taking on all of his responsibility too.
Hope you gave a good new year! I am working on getting out of town and away from him for New Year’s Eve and day!
A "truly good person" doesn't put himself first to the detriment of others at all times. A "truly good person" doesn't hurt his partner repeatedly and think surface apologies should be enough to fix that. A "truly good person" doesn't choose, over and over and over again, to hurt you and put you last. And a truly good person doesn't lie to everyone they know and everyone you know and ask you to lie for them - that happened frequently when sober, so that's not the drink talking, it's a broken character.[/QUOTE]
I think after awhile I start to feel like my expectations are too high. He said last night “sorry I can’t help it”. Oh but I think he can he just chooses not to think of me, ever.
He is at the phase now that he is blaming “he’s an alcoholic” like that gives him carte blanche for being a jerk. I know the example I gave seems so minor.
It is just the principle of it.
I don’t know. I had a great Christmas Day then every time I’m around him I cry, get angry and depressed.
But thank you again for the reminder that it is not just me, I know I am not perfect and I take responsibility for that, o am just worn out from taking on all of his responsibility too.
Hope you gave a good new year! I am working on getting out of town and away from him for New Year’s Eve and day!
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I don't think your expectations of a partner are too high. You want what you want, you deserve the relationship you want.
It may be, though, that your expectations are higher than what he is capable of meeting. That does not necessarily mean you need to lower your expecations.
It may be, though, that your expectations are higher than what he is capable of meeting. That does not necessarily mean you need to lower your expecations.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Scary Time....is there any chance that he has undiagnosed Adult Attention Deficit Disorder?......lots of alcoholics do...and drink as a coping mechanism...self medicating....
It is such a common co-occurring disorder, with alcoholism....
It is such a common co-occurring disorder, with alcoholism....
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Join Date: Jun 2006
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I am just so tired of taking in the responsibility for EVERYTHING, and he just gets to coast through life and has me to pay the bills, do laundry, clean the house, and on and on! Just once I would like him to do something without me asking him to or without f-ing it up.
What we allow will continue and grow worse.
I do believe all of what was said about a “truly good person doesn’t x, y or z”. I also believe that those of us with low self-esteem, fear of conflict and an inability to stand up for ourselves in healthy ways keeps the focus on them and their drinking and where OUR solution to all the problems would be for them to just stop drinking so life could be good. We never seem to truly focus on our own issues or ourselves as the bigger problem.
I know for me getting to that place where my self-esteem grew, addressing any fears, I had about leaving the situation gave me the strength to STOP allowing myself to allow someone else to coast through life at my emotional, physical and financial expense.
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Dandylion
Yes I do believe he is ADD. He used to forget stuff ALL the time when he was drinking. But he isn’t drinking that I know of at this time.
I just think I am done. I am so scared though.
I keep going to meetings and reading and such and I took a break from all of it, including him, over Christmas.
I need to get back to the self healing and my recovery.
Yes I do believe he is ADD. He used to forget stuff ALL the time when he was drinking. But he isn’t drinking that I know of at this time.
I just think I am done. I am so scared though.
I keep going to meetings and reading and such and I took a break from all of it, including him, over Christmas.
I need to get back to the self healing and my recovery.
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