Didn't buy in to Christmas crazy....
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Nevada
Posts: 57
Didn't buy in to Christmas crazy....
Earlier this month I "celebrated" my 28th wedding anniversary. I say that somewhat facetiously because my qualifier happened by the house, thinking I wasn't here, and I used that chance encounter to have him sign the divorce papers.
Fast forward, he was MIA for a week or so, no one had heard from him. Neither son is really speaking to him due to his recent behaviors, I haven't made any effort to contact him so that I didn't get sucked down that crazy train rabbit hole, and I get a call from his friend who informs that he isn't where his phone is (security office at a casino) just in case I wanted to go and retrieve it. So I drive down to pick it up because it is a freaking expensive phone and the plan is in my name...has been for years....only to hear that I "just missed the guy" he came in to get it. I also find out that he has borrowed money from his mother and one of our sons, in the name of "Christmas", and his checking account is overdrawn. All of this only reinforcing the fact that I did the right thing following through with the divorce, that really should've happened years ago.....
He shows up randomly last Thursday, can he sleep on the couch through Christmas? Against my better judgement I agree, and explain I have already filed, there is no turning back at this point. Friday he is very subdued....but by yesterday he is acting like everything is fine, life is good, trying to hold my hand, he seems totally oblivious. His mom is looking hopeful. Our sons are looking at him with contempt. A family member pulls me aside to confirm that I filed for divorce, yep. She is confused, then WTH is going on? I just smile and say "alcoholic dysfunction." Another who has seen all the sh*t he has been doing recently asked how I am not crazy? "Al-Anon" is my response. His problems aren't mine and I don't have to buy in to his crazy-making.
I remind him later after everyone leaves that his stuff needs to be out by the 1st as we agreed, and as soon as the divorce is final I will be changing the locks. If his things aren't out, I will put in garage. He looks crest-fallen...but "we had such a good day." Honestly, I did have a great day, but not because of him, because I chose to....thanks to years of Al-Anon and lurking on this forum, I was able to detach from him, enjoy my family, make choices for myself, and have a great day "whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not."
I love him, don't hate him, and as everyone who loves an alcoholic will tell you "they are a great person when they aren't drinking..." This is about saving myself. I am severing a bad "business" decision that will only suck me into financial ruin at the rate he is going. I can walk away knowing that I have given 150% to my marriage over the years, that I was a good wife/mom, and with my head up.
Thanks for listening.
Smiley1
Fast forward, he was MIA for a week or so, no one had heard from him. Neither son is really speaking to him due to his recent behaviors, I haven't made any effort to contact him so that I didn't get sucked down that crazy train rabbit hole, and I get a call from his friend who informs that he isn't where his phone is (security office at a casino) just in case I wanted to go and retrieve it. So I drive down to pick it up because it is a freaking expensive phone and the plan is in my name...has been for years....only to hear that I "just missed the guy" he came in to get it. I also find out that he has borrowed money from his mother and one of our sons, in the name of "Christmas", and his checking account is overdrawn. All of this only reinforcing the fact that I did the right thing following through with the divorce, that really should've happened years ago.....
He shows up randomly last Thursday, can he sleep on the couch through Christmas? Against my better judgement I agree, and explain I have already filed, there is no turning back at this point. Friday he is very subdued....but by yesterday he is acting like everything is fine, life is good, trying to hold my hand, he seems totally oblivious. His mom is looking hopeful. Our sons are looking at him with contempt. A family member pulls me aside to confirm that I filed for divorce, yep. She is confused, then WTH is going on? I just smile and say "alcoholic dysfunction." Another who has seen all the sh*t he has been doing recently asked how I am not crazy? "Al-Anon" is my response. His problems aren't mine and I don't have to buy in to his crazy-making.
I remind him later after everyone leaves that his stuff needs to be out by the 1st as we agreed, and as soon as the divorce is final I will be changing the locks. If his things aren't out, I will put in garage. He looks crest-fallen...but "we had such a good day." Honestly, I did have a great day, but not because of him, because I chose to....thanks to years of Al-Anon and lurking on this forum, I was able to detach from him, enjoy my family, make choices for myself, and have a great day "whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not."
I love him, don't hate him, and as everyone who loves an alcoholic will tell you "they are a great person when they aren't drinking..." This is about saving myself. I am severing a bad "business" decision that will only suck me into financial ruin at the rate he is going. I can walk away knowing that I have given 150% to my marriage over the years, that I was a good wife/mom, and with my head up.
Thanks for listening.
Smiley1
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