Slightly Gobsmacked...yet again.
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Slightly Gobsmacked...yet again.
I just had a phone call from my exah's rehab. Ex left it, after not completing treatment and against their advice, last Thursday and told the person in charge "My ex wife, ( that'll be me then) is taking over my care." The woman who phoned me was making sure he was going to attend a test at the hospital tomorrow cos he told her I was taking him for it. I was like wt actual. Not only had I not heard from him at all, I have no transport to take him anywhere even if I'd agreed to, which I certainly had not.
It seems he has lied about his terminal illness. It is an indication of how little he tells the truth that this has not surprised me. Despite being to this rehab as an inpatient at least 5 times for extended periods of time I was the one to break it to her, in answer to her question, "What do you think he is doing now?"
"Hold up drinking in his house ignoring Christmas like he does every year for the past 22."
She thought we were back together. Am still grinning tbh.
Happy Boxing Day everyone
xxx
It seems he has lied about his terminal illness. It is an indication of how little he tells the truth that this has not surprised me. Despite being to this rehab as an inpatient at least 5 times for extended periods of time I was the one to break it to her, in answer to her question, "What do you think he is doing now?"
"Hold up drinking in his house ignoring Christmas like he does every year for the past 22."
She thought we were back together. Am still grinning tbh.
Happy Boxing Day everyone
xxx
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Location: Wareham, Mass
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Wow.
You would think his rehab people would be wise to his malarkey, wouldn’t you?
Maybe they have high staff turnover, but still, wouldn’t there be a record?
Ah well. Happy Boxing Day to you as well, Ladybird.
You would think his rehab people would be wise to his malarkey, wouldn’t you?
Maybe they have high staff turnover, but still, wouldn’t there be a record?
Ah well. Happy Boxing Day to you as well, Ladybird.
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Join Date: Dec 2017
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I think it's smart to never underestimate an addict's willingness or ability to lie to everyone around them.
I separated from my AH a month ago today and he texted me on Christmas Eve saying his therapist thinks it's "never too soon for marriage counseling" - I didn't even respond. As far as I am concerned, it's already too late for the relationship. But even if I hadn't already decided that for myself, I would be unwilling to go into couples counseling with a long-time abusive alcoholic who is not working a recovery program.
And every time I turn away from his talk and toward SR/Al-Anon/other recovery resources, I see affirmation and confirmation that I am not being unreasonable - I am protecting myself from an unhealthy situation that has no chance of improving my own life.
I separated from my AH a month ago today and he texted me on Christmas Eve saying his therapist thinks it's "never too soon for marriage counseling" - I didn't even respond. As far as I am concerned, it's already too late for the relationship. But even if I hadn't already decided that for myself, I would be unwilling to go into couples counseling with a long-time abusive alcoholic who is not working a recovery program.
And every time I turn away from his talk and toward SR/Al-Anon/other recovery resources, I see affirmation and confirmation that I am not being unreasonable - I am protecting myself from an unhealthy situation that has no chance of improving my own life.
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Yes he's a piece of work alright. I think he's duped the rehab. I am sure they have no idea the lengths and lies he will go to to protect his ability to drink. I am kind of angry today that he is so pathetic. He had a bad Christmas once when he was 4...( his mother sold furniture cos they had no money and he didn't get any presents) why can't he just get over himself? Every Christmas was bad for me but I didn't use it as an excuse to drink and ruin all the rest. He has used that one bad time as an excuse to ruined Christmas for all of us/his family before us, since. and he still trying to do it 3 years post divorce. I realised since talking to the rehab manager he is happy drinking, he has no intention of acting on the therapy he has everyday..it's just a pity party for him and he left the rehab to go home and drink in peace.
Soon I have to tell my sons he lied about being terminally ill. I am dreading that conversation. They have been through enough.
Soon I have to tell my sons he lied about being terminally ill. I am dreading that conversation. They have been through enough.
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My father in law, rest his soul, was not always an easy man to be around, but the holidays were particularly tough for him due to childhood trauma.
He was not, by any means, an introspective person, and I doubt it would have even occurred to him to try to get to the root of his seasonal sadness and grumpiness.
Even if it had, he would have dismissed it as psychobabble.
Some people are just stuck, for whatever reason, and can’t move forward, more’s the pity.
It was always nice for us to travel, as we did frequently, during the holidays, so we didn’t have to deal with him until after , when he was more reasonable about things.
He was not, by any means, an introspective person, and I doubt it would have even occurred to him to try to get to the root of his seasonal sadness and grumpiness.
Even if it had, he would have dismissed it as psychobabble.
Some people are just stuck, for whatever reason, and can’t move forward, more’s the pity.
It was always nice for us to travel, as we did frequently, during the holidays, so we didn’t have to deal with him until after , when he was more reasonable about things.
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Hi KTF
Am still ill and have not been out the house since Christmas Eve apart from once to do street work with addicts which made me iller. I've not seen anyone except my sons who live with me all Christmas but it has made me question what I do and for who. Christmas has been very lonely. I realised my whole life is really it just seemed worse then. I've never had counselling. I live in the UK and the waiting list for it here is years long where I live unles you can afford to pay which I can't. My son has counselling but he has to have it online as there is no face to face support.
I know my loneliness is because I choose the wrong people to befriend and I won't tolerate drama anymore. I get used by people, then dumped off when am not being useful anymore which I am now trying to stop. I left university in the end cos I realised unless I got some support for my autistic son and my own illnesses it wasn't happening. The fall out of that has been strange. The one person I told every reason why I left from my placement sent my email to the university and copied a lot of people into it so I feel very betrayed by them.
On the bright side we've not heard from exah for weeks and Christmas was at least peaceful.
Am still ill and have not been out the house since Christmas Eve apart from once to do street work with addicts which made me iller. I've not seen anyone except my sons who live with me all Christmas but it has made me question what I do and for who. Christmas has been very lonely. I realised my whole life is really it just seemed worse then. I've never had counselling. I live in the UK and the waiting list for it here is years long where I live unles you can afford to pay which I can't. My son has counselling but he has to have it online as there is no face to face support.
I know my loneliness is because I choose the wrong people to befriend and I won't tolerate drama anymore. I get used by people, then dumped off when am not being useful anymore which I am now trying to stop. I left university in the end cos I realised unless I got some support for my autistic son and my own illnesses it wasn't happening. The fall out of that has been strange. The one person I told every reason why I left from my placement sent my email to the university and copied a lot of people into it so I feel very betrayed by them.
On the bright side we've not heard from exah for weeks and Christmas was at least peaceful.
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Ladybird.....are there any autism support groups in the UK?
I can really see that you need more help and more space for a life that is directed toward your own needs and some personal pleasures of your very own.....everyone needs that, don't they?
I think that the friend that you confided in did a despicable thing.....
I can really see that you need more help and more space for a life that is directed toward your own needs and some personal pleasures of your very own.....everyone needs that, don't they?
I think that the friend that you confided in did a despicable thing.....
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Hi Dandylion
Support for autism in the UK is very limited for autistic children and even worse for autistic adults. You need to know the way to fight for services and have the time and headspace to do it with very little at the end. A person I know got 15 hour a month respite for her autistic child but it took her months of assessments and arguing and all they do is take him out for short periods each week. My son won't go out so that type of thing is pointless for me even if I could get it, which is unlikely. I home schooled my kids and have never had any help ever. He is gradually getting more life skills tho so he mostly needs supervision now. I think once you have an autistic child your own hopes and dreams go out the window. Simply there is none but me and once am dead and gone I have no idea what will happen to him. I hope his siblings will take him.
Support for autism in the UK is very limited for autistic children and even worse for autistic adults. You need to know the way to fight for services and have the time and headspace to do it with very little at the end. A person I know got 15 hour a month respite for her autistic child but it took her months of assessments and arguing and all they do is take him out for short periods each week. My son won't go out so that type of thing is pointless for me even if I could get it, which is unlikely. I home schooled my kids and have never had any help ever. He is gradually getting more life skills tho so he mostly needs supervision now. I think once you have an autistic child your own hopes and dreams go out the window. Simply there is none but me and once am dead and gone I have no idea what will happen to him. I hope his siblings will take him.
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Ladybird.....I am so sorry to hear that about the UK. That sure does make it harder.
Maybe, you could connect with some other parents with an autistic child...on your own....Then, you could help each other by sitting with each other's child, at times.
I remember, that as a single mother of three young children, after my divorce...there were several divorced mothers in my large apartment complex...
We really helped each other out a lot...as none of us had much money and were struggling. We watched each other's children a lot....
In a way, we were an informal support group to each other.....I don't know what I would have do ne without them....there really is strength in numbers....
Maybe, you could start a support group....you sound like a very strong and resourceful person......
You need more....and, you deserve m ore....
Maybe, you could connect with some other parents with an autistic child...on your own....Then, you could help each other by sitting with each other's child, at times.
I remember, that as a single mother of three young children, after my divorce...there were several divorced mothers in my large apartment complex...
We really helped each other out a lot...as none of us had much money and were struggling. We watched each other's children a lot....
In a way, we were an informal support group to each other.....I don't know what I would have do ne without them....there really is strength in numbers....
Maybe, you could start a support group....you sound like a very strong and resourceful person......
You need more....and, you deserve m ore....
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Thanks Dandy. Someone unexpected reached out to me this evening and we chatted for 3 hours on the phone. She hasn't got an autistic child but she understands my situation cos a lot of my feeling used was done to her by the same people and I feel a lot better now. I am seeing her this weekend. I don't know anyone with autistic children/adults except the person I mentioned above and she has him in a school and he's much younger than my adult son. My main problem is I've lived here 3 years and I hardly know anyone. A week on Monday I am going to a group set up for single ladies from our church and am hoping that will spark a bit of a social life eventually.
My autistic son has expressed a wish to go and live with his siblings in another town. He misses them. They all live together in a shared house and a room will be coming spare when one of his sisters, who has finished her MA, moves out to another city to work. It's an option once my daughter, who suggested this a while back, finishes university in May but it will need careful planning and maybe a trial run to make sure they can cope with him. I think between the 3 of them it will be easier than me on my own and I could still have him here if they wanted to go away etc. So I'll see. I might get to date the farmer yet lol
My autistic son has expressed a wish to go and live with his siblings in another town. He misses them. They all live together in a shared house and a room will be coming spare when one of his sisters, who has finished her MA, moves out to another city to work. It's an option once my daughter, who suggested this a while back, finishes university in May but it will need careful planning and maybe a trial run to make sure they can cope with him. I think between the 3 of them it will be easier than me on my own and I could still have him here if they wanted to go away etc. So I'll see. I might get to date the farmer yet lol
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Ladybird...that sounds like a ray of hope...and the budding of a social life....
Another thing...don't forget the power of the internet as a vehicle to connect with people who you might never have had contact with.....from parents of autistic children to eligible farmers...lol...
You are talking to m e, aren't you....? I live on the outskirts of Washington, D.C.....
Another thing...don't forget the power of the internet as a vehicle to connect with people who you might never have had contact with.....from parents of autistic children to eligible farmers...lol...
You are talking to m e, aren't you....? I live on the outskirts of Washington, D.C.....
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