7am on Boxing Day
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 71
7am on Boxing Day
Hello, this is my first post. Up until now I never understood what my problem really was or why I drank the way I did. I’m not at rock-bottom, I have a good life; job, family, friends. Like with anyone else there are problems but that’s not what makes me drink. I’m fit and healthy, I go to the gym a lot and nobody apart from my immediate family has any idea I have a problem.
Like a lot of others, I want to be a “normally 1 or 2 drinks but gets a bit merry at Christmas and weddings” sort of person but I realise now I can’t and that makes me a bit sad. I won’t go into details but 1 or 2 doesn’t really do it for me. I even kid myself I could carry on like I am now but I know now I can’t; even if it doesn’t get worse it’s not sustainable. And I know it would get worse because it has been doing so for the last few years. I stopped for 10 weeks earlier this year and decided to try being a ‘normal’ drinker. I don’t think I really need to say what happened next.
Anyway it’s 7am on boxing day and I last drank on 21st December. Yesterday was easier than I thought. I still had a good time and ended up bloated on the sofa watching rubbish TV – the difference is I was sober, awake and everyone was happy. One funny thing is, we ran out of booze yesterday; if I’d been drinking that would never, ever have happened!
Like many others I regret not recognising all of the above 10 years ago but I am where I am now and need to look forward, not back. Thanks again to all on SR; it’s a great resource
Like a lot of others, I want to be a “normally 1 or 2 drinks but gets a bit merry at Christmas and weddings” sort of person but I realise now I can’t and that makes me a bit sad. I won’t go into details but 1 or 2 doesn’t really do it for me. I even kid myself I could carry on like I am now but I know now I can’t; even if it doesn’t get worse it’s not sustainable. And I know it would get worse because it has been doing so for the last few years. I stopped for 10 weeks earlier this year and decided to try being a ‘normal’ drinker. I don’t think I really need to say what happened next.
Anyway it’s 7am on boxing day and I last drank on 21st December. Yesterday was easier than I thought. I still had a good time and ended up bloated on the sofa watching rubbish TV – the difference is I was sober, awake and everyone was happy. One funny thing is, we ran out of booze yesterday; if I’d been drinking that would never, ever have happened!
Like many others I regret not recognising all of the above 10 years ago but I am where I am now and need to look forward, not back. Thanks again to all on SR; it’s a great resource
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Morning. And congratulations on your first sober Christmas.
I'm so pleased you found us. This forum plus AA has made all the difference to the quality of my sobriety.
I too did lots of short term abstinence (usually sober October for dry January or whatever) followed by self-justified mad drinking because I felt I'd cleared up any confusion about whether I had an issue - doncha know I didn't touch a DROP last month??? Lol. Of course, what thoseperiods of abstinence proved really was that things could be okay if I'd just stop drinking! My off switch is broken, so I can't afford to set drinking behaviours into gear as it gets out of hand.
I too struggledwiththe notion of rock bottom. I didn't lose my home (well, only kinda - we got another rented place), my relationship (mostly because he just drank like me) my job (mostly because I used to change jobs every year or so once I'd really started peeing people off) or become bankrupt (although finances held a lot of fear for me). But someone pointed something out to me, and it resonated with me so much that it's been my signature on here ever since.
The main thing I lost was my integrity, I didn't trust myself to do the right thing. I couldn't always do and say what I knew I should. Some of my behaviour still sickens me to the stomach momentarily if I think about it now, but the sack of shame has been lifted. As has my other sack- the one that was full of pain and resentments that went back a lifetime. Mostly full of little things that caused me disproprtionate pain, so I held onto them so I could try and figure it out later.
Anyway. Glad you're here.
BB
I'm so pleased you found us. This forum plus AA has made all the difference to the quality of my sobriety.
I too did lots of short term abstinence (usually sober October for dry January or whatever) followed by self-justified mad drinking because I felt I'd cleared up any confusion about whether I had an issue - doncha know I didn't touch a DROP last month??? Lol. Of course, what thoseperiods of abstinence proved really was that things could be okay if I'd just stop drinking! My off switch is broken, so I can't afford to set drinking behaviours into gear as it gets out of hand.
I too struggledwiththe notion of rock bottom. I didn't lose my home (well, only kinda - we got another rented place), my relationship (mostly because he just drank like me) my job (mostly because I used to change jobs every year or so once I'd really started peeing people off) or become bankrupt (although finances held a lot of fear for me). But someone pointed something out to me, and it resonated with me so much that it's been my signature on here ever since.
The main thing I lost was my integrity, I didn't trust myself to do the right thing. I couldn't always do and say what I knew I should. Some of my behaviour still sickens me to the stomach momentarily if I think about it now, but the sack of shame has been lifted. As has my other sack- the one that was full of pain and resentments that went back a lifetime. Mostly full of little things that caused me disproprtionate pain, so I held onto them so I could try and figure it out later.
Anyway. Glad you're here.
BB
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 704
Hi.
I think the key sign here that something is really askew, for all of us, is that we have all at least once said "I need a break from drinking" and we take a break. Then we say "I'll just have a few" and we hope back on the rollercoaster. Some of us taking years to get back off. All the while destroying our health, our relationships and careers.
It is only a matter of *when it gets worse, not *if. The depths in which our lives will sink are near bottomless. Narry a fun avenue to Hell to be had.
Good idea you have had to quit whilest ahead.
GL
Jules
I think the key sign here that something is really askew, for all of us, is that we have all at least once said "I need a break from drinking" and we take a break. Then we say "I'll just have a few" and we hope back on the rollercoaster. Some of us taking years to get back off. All the while destroying our health, our relationships and careers.
It is only a matter of *when it gets worse, not *if. The depths in which our lives will sink are near bottomless. Narry a fun avenue to Hell to be had.
Good idea you have had to quit whilest ahead.
GL
Jules
The road goes on forever
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 1,107
Great Post Pulaski.
Congrats on being sober today!
I can relate.... Especially about not being a "normal" drinker. Yep, It took me a while, but I finally came to that same realization.
What a relief it was this past weekend... Not having to worry about having enough or running out.
More of a relief, not worrying that I will do something "Stupid" or say something "stupid" .... OH and waking up sober is a great reward.
Happy Boxing Day!
Stay close to SR !
Congrats on being sober today!
I can relate.... Especially about not being a "normal" drinker. Yep, It took me a while, but I finally came to that same realization.
What a relief it was this past weekend... Not having to worry about having enough or running out.
More of a relief, not worrying that I will do something "Stupid" or say something "stupid" .... OH and waking up sober is a great reward.
Happy Boxing Day!
Stay close to SR !
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
P,
I used to quit for a week or so. Once i quit for months.
For me, the crave lasts forever.
Once that switch flipped...for me it flipped preteen....there is no going back.
Since I was a happy drunk, nothing but mental and physical damage occurred over the course of my life.
I was lucky, blessed, and cursed.
Booze was my go to drug. When I quit I had to fill the gap w something.
I chose fitness. Great trade off. The only limitation is how much I can take. I tend to work out so hard that I lower my immune system or get injured a bit and have trouble sleeping.
There are more gym addicts than I imagined. I worked out both on xmas eve and xmas day. I used to spend those days drunk, hung over, sick, bloated, and pathetic.
Those days are over.
I have other issues drinking quelled, but not drinking now I am learning to thrive w them.
Thanks.
I used to quit for a week or so. Once i quit for months.
For me, the crave lasts forever.
Once that switch flipped...for me it flipped preteen....there is no going back.
Since I was a happy drunk, nothing but mental and physical damage occurred over the course of my life.
I was lucky, blessed, and cursed.
Booze was my go to drug. When I quit I had to fill the gap w something.
I chose fitness. Great trade off. The only limitation is how much I can take. I tend to work out so hard that I lower my immune system or get injured a bit and have trouble sleeping.
There are more gym addicts than I imagined. I worked out both on xmas eve and xmas day. I used to spend those days drunk, hung over, sick, bloated, and pathetic.
Those days are over.
I have other issues drinking quelled, but not drinking now I am learning to thrive w them.
Thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 71
Thanks for all the kind words of support. Still doing OK on Boxing day night; it was actually harder today than yesterday. Busy few days ahead so I think I'll be fine; I think the big challenge will be after the holidays when I'm back in the usual routine.
Chloe, no I didn't know Pulaski was a street in Chicago but I do know what it means!
Zanna, hello back from the East Midlands.
Chloe, no I didn't know Pulaski was a street in Chicago but I do know what it means!
Zanna, hello back from the East Midlands.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,531
Pulaski - Be proud of yourself - this is a rough time of year to stick to the plan, & you're doing it.
(I grew up near the General Pulaski Highway in Delaware - he was a Revoluntionary War hero.)
(I grew up near the General Pulaski Highway in Delaware - he was a Revoluntionary War hero.)
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