sunshinel

extraChristmas Eve here in New Zealand. Christmas has been a sad time for me for so long and this year the saddest. Mum is end stage Parkinsons , in terrible pain and suffering, and my dad just isn't coping at home after his second stroke, I am the only one to support both of them.Dad wont go into care. I feel so unbelievably sad. Fat, broke, single and about to turn 50. I can't bear their suffering for one more minute. I'm drinking a six pack every night( at the best of times, usually a bottle of wine as well) and crying uncontrollably. I lost my job due to panic attacks 2 months ago. Please help someone.

Dee74

I'm sorry for your sadness and pain sunshinel.

Drinking never really makes anything better does it?
For me it just makes the despair deeper....

What about joining the rest of us for a sober Xmas?

D

joandmelandhan

sunshinel I'm so sorry for what brings you here life can feel cruel at times for sure.
It's never too late to put down the drink though sweetheart.
Please keep posting and reading and take that brave first step.
Look after yourself friend xxx

theVman31

Hi Sunshinel.

Last xmas was a tough one for me my dad had a stroke xmas day. I got to visit him a few times before he passed on the 20th of Feb. It was a tough time but such is life, we live, we laugh, we cry and repeat.

I join Jo and D, i want to help.
So if you want the sun to shine again put down and dump the drink.
In a few days you will feel better.
Help us help you.

JJ991

Oh I am so sorry, that is such a lot to deal with. I can totally understand the feeling that you want to drink, I drank quite a lot when my dad was ill/passed away, but it didn't solve anything, just gave me a rotten hangover.

There is a Grief board on here too that might help you?

Stay with us. X

SoulShine8

sunshinel sending good vibes your way. I can understand about anxiety. Seems I am anxious/worried about everything. I especially worry about little things that others have long ago learned to deal with - that's due to drinking all my life. Tampering down those feeling when I was drinking only led to having them when I wasn't and then I would drink again - vicious cycle. I found when I wasn't drinking for longer amounts of time - I have wore down my system (nerves) with drinking and that it is harder to deal with them. I am on a journey to get back to living where my body can do it. Treating myself better mentally and physically and no drinking is my plan. It sounds like this is one of the worst times in your life. I know how easy it is to use drinking for relief. It comes thru in your post how much you care about your parents and looking back on it years from now, I bet you will want the real person you were at this time to be sober so you could really be there. You must be thinking of that or you wouldn't be here at this site posting.

If you can't give your own self a pat on the back, then let me..... how kind and good and caring you are to take care of your parents. If they are unable or cannot tell you.... I bet they are so grateful to have you. Good job on doing what you have to do. Good job on wanting to do it better.

Cry, scream, walk it out, write it out.... do what you have to do when you are alone to get through this. One of the best things I have found in my journey (I live alone and don't have anyone to talk to on a daily basis) is to come here to SR and read and read and read and more importantly to post, to be a part of the community, to be vulnerable, to want something better for myself and to accept help from others to get it.

Welcome! You are among friends

rainyengland

Hi Sunshine

I could have wrote that 8 months ago

I lost my dad to dementia, Mum is in later stage symptoms ,I was fat , broke and pretty damn miserable drinking 2 bottles of wine a night

You can change this I promise you - number one is you , quit drinking - it may blot things out for a few hours but the problems are still there and a hell of a lot worse hungover

Now I’m alcohol free things are starting to get better - lost 15kgs,better off,making better decisions and have a lot more self respect and desire

I can’t change my mums circumstances but I can make it brighter now I sorted myself a little

It’s been a tough road to get where I am now , I couldn’t see a light at the end of it for quite a while but it is there if you start trying to grab it

PurpleKnight

It doesn't sound like alcohol is doing you any favours, might be time to draw a line under the drinking and give Sobriety a chance, what is there to loose trying a new approach?

I'm too sorry for everything you're going through at the moment!!

Dee74

I hope you feel a little less overwhelmed today Sunshinel
Merry Christmas

D

Anna

I'm sorry for your situation, Sunshine. Is there any way that you can get a break from the care-taking regularly, or at least once in a while? I hope you find some peace.

DreamCatcher17

There is so much good advice from the others.im sending you hugs, be well.

sunshinel

Hi. Thank you to everyone for such kind replies. I am okay. Saw my mum in hospital for Christmas lunch but couldn't stop crying so was pretty hopeless. I am now tucked up in bed, not drinking and trying to make a plan for moving forward. I just cannot keep living like this. I feel on a deep level that I am dying each day which I know is the truth but being greatly sped up by alcohol. i'm sad but glad today is almost over. I will begin again tomorrow. Thank you again for all your kind words. You are special people.

theVman31

Well done sunshine.
Happy Christmas.

Dee74

good for you sunshinel - sounds like you're pretty special too

D

JustTony

Sunshinel

I've only been where your opening post was once in my life. The desperation coursed through every fibre of my soul and I literally begged for help.

Nothing and no-one came forwards. I'll never, ever forget it.

I'm sorry I didn't see your post when you originally made it or I would have been on to it like a flash. I'm so happy others did respond and this seems to have been of comfort to you.

Stay strong. You're in an incredibly tough spot and you are being tremendously brave to soldier on and take care of your parents. Learn to be proud of that and yourself. You're clearly an incredibly tactile and responsible human being.

Regards,

Tony

Gabe1980

I so sorry you are having such a hard time. Good job on not drinking today! Sending love and best wishes to you 😘

sunshinel

Thank you everyone. I did do well yesterday not drinking. Spent most of the night just in severe emotional pain. Haven't done so well today. I woke up to my dad very confused not taking his meds and unable to walk, then I took him to see mum at the hospital and it was as usual heartbreaking. Her body is like stone. She can't move anything and is losing her swallow ( final stage) The worst part is that she is cognitively untouched. Its a horror to me. I came home got Dad into bed and have drunk 4 beers crying, just wanting to be numb. I would change places with them in a second. So total failure today and still have to make dinner for Dad try to get meds down him and get him into bed. Honestly I just want to run away from the pain. Anyway still here and posting and very much feeling the support of this community. Thank you

Dee74

I'm sorry for what you have to go through sunshinel.

I lost a friend to cancer a few years back. I learned 2 things - there would be no amount of alcohol that could numb me - and I'm eternally glad I stayed sober.

I was able to be there for my friend - really physically and mentally present, and I learned I was more capable than I ever knew about dealing with crises and pain - more than I'd ever given my self the chance to prove anyway..

I found the bottom line for me was as bad as this was for me it was worse for them.

This doesn't mean you shouldn't feel pain or that you don't need help.

I think all carers do - do you have any support groups you could call on, or organisations that might help you take care of your parents?

D

sunshinel

Honestly dee I have tried them all and they take money which I do not have. Will keep trying. Thank you for all your supportive comments. All of you have meant the world to me.

sunshinel

I also tried the support groups which were surprisingly unhelpful. Its okay Im a social worker so I will keep looking.