I'm trapped in a never ending circle with no hope or enjoyment how can I keep sober
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 2
I'm trapped in a never ending circle with no hope or enjoyment how can I keep sober
Hi, my name is franz. I have been sober and not drinking alcohol for about 3 months. I Was a heavy drinker for 15 years and found solace in its escape from everyday problems at the end of the week. About 8 years ago I moved country and left my direct family behind for my wife whom is a wonderful person but incapable of understanding and advising me on this issue as she feels partly responsible and I don't want her feeling that way. When I moved here it was initially only for the holidays but she got pregnant and I would not leave my wife and child , now 8 years late we have 2 children and three from a previous marriage of hers. I am not a citizen in this country so out of fear of losing my family I do not work and have relinquished all my human freedoms such as being able to leave the house without my wife, drive a car and the only thing that kept me sane and entertained was the drinking after the kids were in bed and I had my time to take my mind off of things and how my life has just stopped. My wife recently got a new job that pays more so I was thinking we could get my visa sorted but that isn't happening, this coupled with the fact that I stopped drinking a few months back because my appendix was removed (another cause of fear) I just feel alone isolated and lost. I have picked up a few things like cryptocurrency investing with great success but without any money to play with I feel useles and my mind reverts back to drinking to numb the utter boredom I go through on a daily basis. I feel like I was better when I drank , like it helped with my current situation and helped with me not being so miserable I can't justify being sober whilst living this existence
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,468
Hi Franz, hopefully I'm not too late to reach out to you.
While you've remaine sober for 3 months were you in any type of program? Something to help sort out the kinks?
If not, that's considered a dry drunk. Meaning you've never worked on or gathered the tools to remain sober.
I'd suggest finding program, for a lot of people it's AA, while others have chosen another path, either way working on you from the inside out is very important to any recovery.
I wish you the best, you can be sober and have a happy life. It just takes work, if it were easy, this forum wouldn't be here.
While you've remaine sober for 3 months were you in any type of program? Something to help sort out the kinks?
If not, that's considered a dry drunk. Meaning you've never worked on or gathered the tools to remain sober.
I'd suggest finding program, for a lot of people it's AA, while others have chosen another path, either way working on you from the inside out is very important to any recovery.
I wish you the best, you can be sober and have a happy life. It just takes work, if it were easy, this forum wouldn't be here.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,496
Originally Posted by Anonymas 
I am not a citizen in this country so out of fear of losing my family I do not work and have relinquished all my human freedoms such as being able to leave the house without my wife, drive a car
You will always find support here so I hope you continue to read and post.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,427
Hi Franz 
There a lot of help and support here - you might have to give us more than 6 minutes tho
I'm not sure whether you not leaving the house etc is self imposed or not, but if you're bored why not thinking about some volunteering in your community? or starting a new hobby or interest?
Any one of the hundred things here is better than drinking. Drinking doesn't alleviate boredom so much as it allows us to very briefly tolerate it.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ething-do.html (Looking For Something To Do?)
If you're not happy with your current existence you absolutely have the power to change it - it may take a little while, but all things that are good are worth the effort and the wait.
If on the other hand you go back to drinking, you're just voting to try and tolerate your current existence which you've admitted is miserable.
3 months is not really long enough to evalute being sober as a way of life - especially if you've been looking at sonreity as some kind of deprivation, or poor option B.
It;s really nor...but it may take you a,little longer than 3 m,onths to fimnd that out.
I know it sounds like a long time, but how many decades have most of us been drinking? a few months is a pretty good deal
I hope you decide to go for change - it's a leap of faith sure but there;'s more than enough happy sober people to conviunce you its the right way to go.
There a lot of help and support here - you might have to give us more than 6 minutes tho
I'm not sure whether you not leaving the house etc is self imposed or not, but if you're bored why not thinking about some volunteering in your community? or starting a new hobby or interest?
Any one of the hundred things here is better than drinking. Drinking doesn't alleviate boredom so much as it allows us to very briefly tolerate it.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ething-do.html (Looking For Something To Do?)
If you're not happy with your current existence you absolutely have the power to change it - it may take a little while, but all things that are good are worth the effort and the wait.
If on the other hand you go back to drinking, you're just voting to try and tolerate your current existence which you've admitted is miserable.
3 months is not really long enough to evalute being sober as a way of life - especially if you've been looking at sonreity as some kind of deprivation, or poor option B.
It;s really nor...but it may take you a,little longer than 3 m,onths to fimnd that out.
I know it sounds like a long time, but how many decades have most of us been drinking? a few months is a pretty good deal
I hope you decide to go for change - it's a leap of faith sure but there;'s more than enough happy sober people to conviunce you its the right way to go.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Derbyshire Dales, UK.
Posts: 2,618
Hi Franz Just waking up over here in the UK and Europe, but even though it's a Universal site, there are always 'quiet times' so I hope you do come back. We are here and we are and will listen
Just waking up over here in the UK and Europe, but even though it's a Universal site, there are always 'quiet times' so I hope you do come back. We are here and we are and will listen Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Hi Franz, welcome to the site.
Congratulations on 3 months sober, though it sounds as if you are drinking now. If that is the case I hope you can take a moment to stop and re-think that decision.
Your Visa situation sounds like a mess. I do understand very well how risky it can be. I know of a young man from India who remained inside or at least on the property where he was living for over 5 years because he did not have his papers in order and if caught would have been in a lot of trouble. I also help out a group of refugees who are here without any official documents and while we have it sorted now to where they have some sort of ID and can thus be out and about, they are living very much "on the margins" of society and it is a really disheartening situation for them. We have endless appointments with the government officials and lawyers and it can get so frustrating at times.
I am not sure what country you are in and which one you are from, so it is hard to offer specific advice. However, I do know from my own experience getting a visa and helping these other people that you just kind of have to jump in and start. There is so much paperwork and photographs and fingerprints and documents and this and that but if you slowly, each day, make some forward progress eventually you can get to the end of it. For example the Indian man I mentioned above, it took him several years but he is now completely legal and official, has a car, has a daughter in school here, leaves the house whenever he wants. I have to re-new my visa every two years and it is a huge headache, but totally possible.
Another thing to remember is that "no" is hardly ever no. There are a series of appeals and processes you can go through to fight. Also, having children there is a big factor in your favour. While you don't want to be out and about with absolutely no paperwork or permission to be there, once you start the process you start to have more freedoms. In addition, just having an open case of appeal buys you some time, Several of the refugees I help are living that way. They get a "no", appeal, and then have another several years of safety. It is not idea, but can buy you some time. It is very highly unlikely the government of where you are is going to collect you, pay for your airfare to send you back to where you came from. Think about it that way, it would be an incredible amount of work and money on their part to send you back. In the end it is easier for them to shuffle through the paperwork of your application.
All this said, it is a LOT of work and a lot of stuff to organise and remember and dealing with it while drinking would make it enormously more difficult.
I really feel for your situation. it is scary, sad, frustrating and you feel like no where is home. But this is no way to live. You can find independence and freedom but only if you start putting one foot in front of the other and move towards a legal, legitimate life where you are.
Congratulations on 3 months sober, though it sounds as if you are drinking now. If that is the case I hope you can take a moment to stop and re-think that decision.
Your Visa situation sounds like a mess. I do understand very well how risky it can be. I know of a young man from India who remained inside or at least on the property where he was living for over 5 years because he did not have his papers in order and if caught would have been in a lot of trouble. I also help out a group of refugees who are here without any official documents and while we have it sorted now to where they have some sort of ID and can thus be out and about, they are living very much "on the margins" of society and it is a really disheartening situation for them. We have endless appointments with the government officials and lawyers and it can get so frustrating at times.
I am not sure what country you are in and which one you are from, so it is hard to offer specific advice. However, I do know from my own experience getting a visa and helping these other people that you just kind of have to jump in and start. There is so much paperwork and photographs and fingerprints and documents and this and that but if you slowly, each day, make some forward progress eventually you can get to the end of it. For example the Indian man I mentioned above, it took him several years but he is now completely legal and official, has a car, has a daughter in school here, leaves the house whenever he wants. I have to re-new my visa every two years and it is a huge headache, but totally possible.
Another thing to remember is that "no" is hardly ever no. There are a series of appeals and processes you can go through to fight. Also, having children there is a big factor in your favour. While you don't want to be out and about with absolutely no paperwork or permission to be there, once you start the process you start to have more freedoms. In addition, just having an open case of appeal buys you some time, Several of the refugees I help are living that way. They get a "no", appeal, and then have another several years of safety. It is not idea, but can buy you some time. It is very highly unlikely the government of where you are is going to collect you, pay for your airfare to send you back to where you came from. Think about it that way, it would be an incredible amount of work and money on their part to send you back. In the end it is easier for them to shuffle through the paperwork of your application.
All this said, it is a LOT of work and a lot of stuff to organise and remember and dealing with it while drinking would make it enormously more difficult.
I really feel for your situation. it is scary, sad, frustrating and you feel like no where is home. But this is no way to live. You can find independence and freedom but only if you start putting one foot in front of the other and move towards a legal, legitimate life where you are.
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