sobriiestote

They are 8 and 10 and they are now totally aware of my drinking problem...

They hate me drunk, they call me names, I hate myself for being the way I am...

I grew up disliking my parents heavy drinking because I could see the way it changed them but I am doing the same thing and far worse than they did...

Please God, help me change my life and stop this hell...

Nonsensical

If God reached out and changed something about you so that you wouldn't drink anymore, what would he change?

decchemist

Hello Fuzzy

Sorry to hear you are having a bad time. Truth is no kids want to see their parents drunk - my son nearly left home because of my drinking but since I have given up things are immeasurably better. This can be true for you too.

I see you have been here a while and have 'committed' to many day ones but something is obviously not quite working out for you. What do you think the issues are?

ChloeRose63

You with find God in your children's faces. Is it hard to look into their eyes? Praying for you to find the strength to reach out for serious help for the sake of your children's tender lives.

sobriiestote

This year has been the worst for my drinking... Recently I've been telling myself I can't just stop as I'll have a seizure... But I've not been tapering, I've been buying too much and blacking out... It's beyond insanity...

I used to say I needed my head chopping off to stop me drinking... I've got to do this because it is never going to get better, it is only going to get worse...

decchemist

Can you get a doctor appointment today? They will be closed for a few days otherwise.

entropy1964

Hi Fuzzy

Yes, our kids hate our drinking. I remember just thinking my dad was the biggest buffoon. I barely spoke to him for most of my teen years. I don't think he noticed.

My daughter doesn't hate me when I drink, she hates the alcohol. The only way around that is to stop. I had to get medical help, so that's what I did. And yeah, I have relapsed many times in the past so I know how hard it is.

She said a few words to me when I was a few months sober this 'last' time'. She said "Mom I NEED you. I can't do this without you'. This was like a big wake up for me. I don't know why. She has never been 'mean' or 'angry' with me (even tho I know she was angry). But the word NEED seemed to wake me up far more than love. Don't know why.

No I can't do this for other people. I get that. But my kid needs me. Wow. Someone needs me. That was very pivotal.

Hang in there. Get some help to get stopped. You can do this.

DreamCatcher17

Welcome,
I am so glad I chose to be sober before my son could see what I was doing, how I was acting and I could only imagine how terrible of a mother I would have been if I continued in my addiction.

My son is 2.5, I will be 3 months clean on Christmas eve. What a blessing to give that gift to me, my family and most importantly my son.

You see, I refuse for him to grow up like I did. With an alcoholic mother who was abusive, if she was ever even around as whenever a new man was in her life she was gone and I was to be sent to another family members house always unsure for how long. It was for the best as I wasn't in the abusive home around chaos but all I wanted was a Mom, I never had one and now at 32 years of age, I don't get along with her. I hadn't spoken to her in probably 8 years, then I got pregnant. Silly me was hoping my son would change her. Surprise, it didn't. She is still an active user and no longer allowed at my house. Luckily she lives 1200 miles away. We speak maybe once a month, and that's so my son can say Hi to her. Her drama and life is nothing I want to be apart of.

I am sure you don't want that to be your relationship with your children.
Today is a great day to change your life.

I wish you the best,
DreamCatcher

soberandhonest

Hi Fuzzy: I have three boys, two are about the same ages as yours. I can tell you from personal experience that your relationship with your children will be dramatically improved when you quit. I had really good parents, but alcohol was present for every occasion growing up. It's great that I am a better parent now that I'm sober, but another lasting impact is that my kids are going to inherently understand that alcohol doesn't need to be part of every celebration. I am breaking the chains of domestication and I'm proud of that. You can do the same thing. Make a plan. Don't keep putting it off until tomorrow.

PalmerSage

My kids are a little older than yours, but there is no question I am not the parent I should be when I am drinking (I'm a secret drinker, so it is possible that they can't name alcohol as the problem, but I'm 100% sure they know that something is way off). My parents were both very heavy drinkers growing up, and I had an epiphany recently that growing up, I wanted my mom but my mom wanted alcohol. So sad when you think about it.

Hawkeye13

You can change the pattern Fuzzy;

Please take the steps you need to take to get off the drink.
Your kids do need you, and you need them

Wholesome

It was my son's disgust with me for being drunk that inspired me to finally quit for good and I can't tell you how it has improved my relationship with him and how I mother him and his brother. It was the best gift I could give to myself and my family. Literally every single thing about my family is better now that alcohol has been taken out of the equation.

Do what you need to do to dry out and then take drinking off the table permanently. The only way to get sober is to never drink again. No. Matter. What. You deserve a sober life and your children deserve a sober mother. You can do this.

Dee74

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling fuzzy but it's great you made it back

Have you thought bout what some of your options are to help you stay sober?

D

Hevyn

Good to see you, Fuzzy. I'm sorry for the pain this is causing you.

I'm glad you're aware of how drinking changes your personality, & of your children's reaction. I was clueless during much of my son's childhood - but I look back with so much regret. I would have done many things differently if I'd been clear-headed. You can turn this around while they're still young - we know you can do it.

sobriiestote

Thanks for all the replies, I made it through Christmas by not drinking wine in front of them so they didn't have to see my drunk. Wow... But my relatives saw me and are desperately worried.

My ex-husband wants me to go the doctors in the new year and do another at home detox which worked for me 3 years ago, I managed 7 weeks sober. I desperately don't want to have to do this as I am worried about work finding out. Last time I took holiday, this time I don't have any.

I want to taper off. I want to buy smaller amounts every day until I can safely think I can stop. Only by buying the amounts every day will this work. I am going to make a sheet of how much I can reduce by over the next 5 days.

My friend is a paramedic and says I musn't just stop, it is too dangerous... How have I got myself into this mess??? I want to be free of this constant obsession. I am willing to go to AA, I will look up meetings.

JustTony

Hi Fuzzy....

I am going to have to change the wording to what it really is.... sorry.

There is a little 'hate' in your children's eyes when they see you drunk. Another post used the word 'disgust' - that's all a little bit true I suspect?

But the real words to ascribe to their emotions and faces are 'fear', 'worry' and 'scared'. What's happening to mummy? What's going to happen to mummy?'

They are worried, scared and fearful. Think about that? I know this seems like tough love but it's true. You're scaring, worrying and making your children fearful.

How do I know? I grew up with an alcoholic mother and I was an alcoholic father and I have been there.

I wish you strength to overcome this..

JT

Hawkeye13

This was me too at that age--you can beat this

1984Tia

I am new and just wanted to say the hardest part is feeling like I should have no opinions or that I don't matter, I want to say that you are all worth it and all your opinions and beliefs DO matter! X

sobriiestote

DarklingSong

So pleased for you. That is really great news.