New to Recovery
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 2
New to Recovery
Hi, I’m new to recovery and addictions. Today is my 4 year anniversary and I just kicked out my husband again who is an alcoholic. It is very scary and I feel so much guilt for doing this.
My heart is broken, but this addiction is taking its toll on my life. I’m close to losing my job. I’m not who I used to be. (Even as I’m writing this, my husband is drunk calling me)
I don’t want to live like this anymore. It’s hard to differentiate between not wanting to be with him and not wanting the behavior to continue. Ultimately I do want him to be healthy, but at the same the same I can’t be around him and go through relapse after relapse anymore.
I have learned my own coping behaviors which are not healthy, and after 4 years it has taken its toll on me and my health. I’m stressed and anxious all the time.
I never thought I’d be in this situation. I’ve never dealt with addiction in any form before I got married. At First I was strong to deal with it, but now I’m struggling to find strength to stand my ground.
That’s why I joined this forum. I know I’m not the only one going through this, but I feel so alone.
My heart is broken, but this addiction is taking its toll on my life. I’m close to losing my job. I’m not who I used to be. (Even as I’m writing this, my husband is drunk calling me)
I don’t want to live like this anymore. It’s hard to differentiate between not wanting to be with him and not wanting the behavior to continue. Ultimately I do want him to be healthy, but at the same the same I can’t be around him and go through relapse after relapse anymore.
I have learned my own coping behaviors which are not healthy, and after 4 years it has taken its toll on me and my health. I’m stressed and anxious all the time.
I never thought I’d be in this situation. I’ve never dealt with addiction in any form before I got married. At First I was strong to deal with it, but now I’m struggling to find strength to stand my ground.
That’s why I joined this forum. I know I’m not the only one going through this, but I feel so alone.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
I'm an alcoholic who is on Day 20 of recovery.
In March my wife cried so hard and begged me to stop. Even then I couldn't do so properly and I love her so much.
I have no advice to give you as I am so new to recovery myself. All I can say is:
a) He has to want to stop regardless of what ever anyone else says
b) You're not alone on here.
Love from the UK
In March my wife cried so hard and begged me to stop. Even then I couldn't do so properly and I love her so much.
I have no advice to give you as I am so new to recovery myself. All I can say is:
a) He has to want to stop regardless of what ever anyone else says
b) You're not alone on here.
Love from the UK
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi and welcome Gaming Cat 
I'm sorry for what brings you here but you will find support and understanding here, both in this forum and our Family and Friends forums as well.
You're not alone
D
I'm sorry for what brings you here but you will find support and understanding here, both in this forum and our Family and Friends forums as well.
You're not alone
D
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Game,
My anxiety is steadily declining and I am getting more and more comfortable in every situation.
I don't do AA for now because I have been able to find happiness using Sr and other www resourses. Working out is huge for my self worth, physical, and mental well being.
My body is healed, just had a check up, and my mind is slowly adapting to life w out booze.
Booze is a govt sanctioned drug that many, innocently, end up addicted to. I was addicted as a small child. I luckily managed a respectable career being addicted.
In the end, I could feel my life force dwindling and decided to take better care. I knew in my heart I had to quit drinking.
It was very difficult. My...slips...we're very small in that I didn't get intoxicated and I felt little to no after effects.
Thanks to sr, I am not allowing those slips to open the door to drinking again.
This place saved my life.
Thanks.
My anxiety is steadily declining and I am getting more and more comfortable in every situation.
I don't do AA for now because I have been able to find happiness using Sr and other www resourses. Working out is huge for my self worth, physical, and mental well being.
My body is healed, just had a check up, and my mind is slowly adapting to life w out booze.
Booze is a govt sanctioned drug that many, innocently, end up addicted to. I was addicted as a small child. I luckily managed a respectable career being addicted.
In the end, I could feel my life force dwindling and decided to take better care. I knew in my heart I had to quit drinking.
It was very difficult. My...slips...we're very small in that I didn't get intoxicated and I felt little to no after effects.
Thanks to sr, I am not allowing those slips to open the door to drinking again.
This place saved my life.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hi Gaming and welcome
It took a lot of courage to make a decisive move like separation from your alcoholic husband in order to save yourself. I've been at this a long time and have seen many struggle terribly when tangled in an alcoholic relationship.
Maybe, when you are both sober, there is a way to make the separation a positive. A time for you both to work on yourselves. If not its a time for you to work on you and I applaud you for your strength. I'm watching a friend go through the same thing right now and it is a never ending cycle of quitting, he or she relapses, the fights start, the other relapses, the fights continue....and on and on. Its exhausting me just watching them. The only hope for them is separation but she can't do it.
Take advantage of this time. Maybe an AA woman's meeting might help. You'd get a ton of support and probably a lot of experience with exactly what you're dealing with.
Take care of you.
It took a lot of courage to make a decisive move like separation from your alcoholic husband in order to save yourself. I've been at this a long time and have seen many struggle terribly when tangled in an alcoholic relationship.
Maybe, when you are both sober, there is a way to make the separation a positive. A time for you both to work on yourselves. If not its a time for you to work on you and I applaud you for your strength. I'm watching a friend go through the same thing right now and it is a never ending cycle of quitting, he or she relapses, the fights start, the other relapses, the fights continue....and on and on. Its exhausting me just watching them. The only hope for them is separation but she can't do it.
Take advantage of this time. Maybe an AA woman's meeting might help. You'd get a ton of support and probably a lot of experience with exactly what you're dealing with.
Take care of you.
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,983
hi GamingCat and welcome
check out alanon
Al-Anon members are people, just like you, who are worried about someone with a drinking problem.
https://al-anon.org/
prayin' for ya !
check out alanon
Al-Anon members are people, just like you, who are worried about someone with a drinking problem.
https://al-anon.org/
prayin' for ya !
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 2
Again
Hey guys thank you all for your responses. I appreciate you reaching out. I find myself back again in the same situation. Exact same feelings. My husband was able to stay sober for 1 year. He had a slip a couple of months ago, but recovered from it after only a day and was doing really well. He has managed to keep his job for this whole year and moved up the ranks quite easily and quickly. But as I type this, he is once again out on the street. As I read my previous post, I am still in the same spot. It’s very disappointing. This truly is insanity. 99% of me just wants him to be ok and safe and taken care of. The other 1% is struggling to find strength to say this is not helping him or myself and to be tough.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,003
Ah Gamingcat, that just sucks. In some ways, it is easier when there is absolutely no hope but you have had some along the way.
Did you ever find an alanon group or any other help for yourself? He might make it or not; there really isn't much you can do for him but lots you can do for yourself.
Did you ever find an alanon group or any other help for yourself? He might make it or not; there really isn't much you can do for him but lots you can do for yourself.
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,983
Hi GamingCat
I'm sorry you're still struggling with your situation.
God bless
Did you ever find an alanon group or any other help for yourself? He might make it or not; there really isn't much you can do for him but lots you can do for yourself. 
I'm sorry you're still struggling with your situation.
God bless
Originally Posted by Bekindalways 
Did you ever find an alanon group or any other help for yourself? He might make it or not; there really isn't much you can do for him but lots you can do for yourself.
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