lovingdogs

circle of violence its very familiar to me, as it is alcoholism. My husband of 29 years has been drinking lots , there's been short periods of sobriety forced by inplant of antibuz, as soon as inplant wore off there he is back with wine and beer. Now holiday season upon us and its become unbearable. He drinks daily, drives or goes on motor drunk, he can be violent ( atough has not ben for a while) nasty drunk, sarcastic, humilitaing, unpredictable. So here I am, this am I just could not deal with it no longer, the buble burst and I threw him out. Of course I in his words - I am crazy, this is all my doing etc. I want to file order of protection but dont know if without actual physical violence I will be granted one. He keeps telling me that he wont move, that I am nothing without him, etc. any adwise would be aprciated.

Anna

You can be safe, so please read the following and take action. You don't have to live with violence:

From the National Domestic Violence Hotline:

Some of the signs of an abusive relationship include a partner who:

Tells you that you can never do anything right
Shows extreme jealousy of your friends and time spent away
Keeps you or discourages you from seeing friends or family members
Insults, demeans or shames you with put-downs
Controls every penny spent in the household
Takes your money or refuses to give you money for necessary expenses
Looks at you or acts in ways that scare you
Controls who you see, where you go, or what you do
Prevents you from making your own decisions
Tells you that you are a bad parent or threatens to harm or take away your children
Prevents you from working or attending school
Destroys your property or threatens to hurt or kill your pets
Intimidates you with guns, knives or other weapons
Pressures you to have sex when you don’t want to or do things sexually you’re not comfortable with
Pressures you to use drugs or alcohol


International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies

Abuse information and support for every woman and every girl on Earth
Home « HotPeachPages International

National Domestic Abuse Hotline (US)
The National Domestic Violence Hotline ? The Hotline

Canada
Canada: domestic violence information « HotPeachPages International

UK: call Women’s Aid at 0808 2000 247.
https://www.qld.gov.au/community/get...-getting-help/
call 1800RESPECT at 1800 737 732.

Worldwide: visit International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies for a global list of helplines and crisis center
Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network
800-655-Hope

least

Welcome to the family. I hope you can get yourself safe. No one should have to live with violence of any kind.

biminiblue

Yeah, I've been in physically and emotionally abusive relationships.

Please - if you can't leave today, at least get a protection order. Whatever it takes. Have him arrested if he's drunk at home

I left my relationships with no money or possessions other than my clothes. Left while they were gone and never talked to them again; I had nowhere to go but I made it. You can get out, there are shelters and other places like churches, fire and police stations where people can help you get on your feet.

MyLittleHorsie

I can only give you the advice of what I did in a similar situation. My ex was a drunk and alcoholism claimed his life. The first time he took one of my cars (I stored my winter car at our property), I located it on the GPS, called a tow truck and flatbedded it to storage. He had no license, lost it for impaired. He decided to drive one of his own vehicles, we had a couple older muscle cars we'd had restored. I went to the police station, I asked to speak with an officer. I told him my name, what the situation was and gave him the plate numbers for all our vehicles, mine included. You'd have thought they were looking for a murderer on our street, such a police presence and the cops were so good. They caught him the very next time he did it. We were drifting apart and living separate lives, but I was pretty sure he was driving when he thought he wouldn't get caught.

It was a bit funny, because I drove a new version of the old muscle car he had taken that day, all they had was black X, the cop followed me into the driveway I got out, he waved, I knew my ex would go down that night. They caught him and the cop came to my door to let me know, he wasn't impaired, they found wine in the trunk, was it for me, I was like no... The cop let me know, he wouldn't be staying in jail, just booked and released with a promise to appear, the cops then stationed a car at my house for the night. To keep me safe. Many more times I saw the officers drive slowly by our house. I sincerely appreciated all they did for me. I moved out a couple weeks later. My ex never knew it was me who got him arrested, the cops never told him, it wasn't in any reports, just a concerned citizen.

Best of luck to you.