LoveForMe

Good morning everyone😁

Today is day 198. I'm feeling good... the last 3 weeks were rough but I'm here and sober.

I thought I had accepted the fact that I cannot/will not drink for the rest of my life. But that's not the fact. I keep thinking if I could just have one last "fling" with booze.

Here is what happened the last time I thought even just one drink was a good idea...

Barely a month after I just got out of a 72 hour 5150 hold (which is it's own little story), I somehow talked my boyfriend into letting me get us a six pack of beer. Telling him I was only going to have a few at most. He drank half a beer and I finished the rest. Then I went on to find box wine in my mom's room (we live together and she's an alcoholic too). I probably drank at least 16 oz. Who knows...

I woke up the next morning with a hangover... surprise, surprise. I begged my bf to have vodka for me when I got off work to make me feel better. This was now Tuesday... I somehow how made it to work 3 more days in the middle of this binge. Ended up twisting my ankle Thursday evening and used it as an excuse to call off of work and of course, I continued drinking.

I pretty much lost the next 3 days of my life. I barely remember calling into work and leaving voicemails for my manager, that later she tried to show me later when I was getting written up. All I really remember is waking up, scrambling for more vodka just so I could go back to sleep. Until it was Sunday night, I knew I wasn't going to be able to work the next morning. Stuck in this mess again, I started to want to self-harm and my boyfriend took me back to the hospital for 5150. Because I didn't any injury this time they let me go home the next day. It was nice to not have to stay at the hospital but this just meant that I had to withdrawl at home without meds. It sucked. The worst feeling ever. I felt physically horrible plus all the guilt and shame, I felt mentally crappy. Ugh.

There it is forever posted on here so I can never forget. One drink will bring me back there... Who knows, maybe it won't. But its definitely not worth the chance.

Thanks for reading.

ChloeRose63

Yep. I have been there. Just one or two lead me to 6 days of drinking about 50 beers.

MissOverIt

Yep, been there and never want to go back. I don’t deserve that, neither do you or the people we love. Thank you for sharing this. ❤️

ChloeRose63

I had 2 good months. Felt great. Got triggered again. Now I am mad at myself. If only I would have stopped and think about what I was about to do.

DarklingSong

Thank for your post......struggling with complete acceptance too. A reminder of the consequences of relapse is helpful.....if scary.

LoveForMe

It feels good to know I won't have to go through that again.

Chloe, I've relapsed more times than I care to think about. Keep fighting the good fight. You have it in you😊