First post on here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 2
First post on here
Hello everyone.
I read a few posts and really related, so I joined. My husband is addicted to pain pills and xanax. He and I met 5 years ago and for 4 years I’ve been dealing with his addiction. He was able to go 4 months without doing as much before we married in Oct of 2016. Literally after our 10 day honeymoon cruise, he was back to his heavier routine.
We just bought our first home 4 months ago. He ruined our anniversary dinner by getting so out of it that the hostess asked me if he was ok right before he choked on his meat. He was able to get it out, but it was an ordeal. 2 weeks later, he ruined my birthday weekend by getting so wasted on xanax and alcohol that he locked himself in his man cave for 3 days and was nasty to me when he’d come out. He even mocked my sobbing. I was devastated. His pacifying mom picked him and all his things up after he decided to leave.
On Thanksgiving we tried to make-up. He moved back in and told me his grandfather offered him a place to live and work 3 hrs away. When I asked him if his grandfather knew what happened, he told me he lied to him and said he was leaving me because I’m “controlling.” His grandfather had no idea he’s an addict. I was furious. He passed out and I texted his sister a photo of him and let her know I would not see her on Thanksgiving because of her brother. He got so angry that I got her involved that he left me and went to live with his grandfather.
It’s been almost a month. He’s only sent me $200. I had to sell my wedding ring to pay the mortgage and bills he hasn’t paid. He doesn’t seem remorseful. He hasn’t checked in to see how I’m doing. I’m so shocked because he really showed his love for me all the time. He always wanted to be together. He’d text me loving memes, bring me roses, and was very affectionate right up until he left. I love him, but I think he’s gone for good and I know I’m better off that way. He just doesn’t seem to want sobriety bad enough.
I read a few posts and really related, so I joined. My husband is addicted to pain pills and xanax. He and I met 5 years ago and for 4 years I’ve been dealing with his addiction. He was able to go 4 months without doing as much before we married in Oct of 2016. Literally after our 10 day honeymoon cruise, he was back to his heavier routine.
We just bought our first home 4 months ago. He ruined our anniversary dinner by getting so out of it that the hostess asked me if he was ok right before he choked on his meat. He was able to get it out, but it was an ordeal. 2 weeks later, he ruined my birthday weekend by getting so wasted on xanax and alcohol that he locked himself in his man cave for 3 days and was nasty to me when he’d come out. He even mocked my sobbing. I was devastated. His pacifying mom picked him and all his things up after he decided to leave.
On Thanksgiving we tried to make-up. He moved back in and told me his grandfather offered him a place to live and work 3 hrs away. When I asked him if his grandfather knew what happened, he told me he lied to him and said he was leaving me because I’m “controlling.” His grandfather had no idea he’s an addict. I was furious. He passed out and I texted his sister a photo of him and let her know I would not see her on Thanksgiving because of her brother. He got so angry that I got her involved that he left me and went to live with his grandfather.
It’s been almost a month. He’s only sent me $200. I had to sell my wedding ring to pay the mortgage and bills he hasn’t paid. He doesn’t seem remorseful. He hasn’t checked in to see how I’m doing. I’m so shocked because he really showed his love for me all the time. He always wanted to be together. He’d text me loving memes, bring me roses, and was very affectionate right up until he left. I love him, but I think he’s gone for good and I know I’m better off that way. He just doesn’t seem to want sobriety bad enough.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 328
Hi and welcome.
I am sorry to read about your situation.
Unfortunately nothing tends to get better until the person with the problem takes the correct action which you cannot be responsible for.
It might not feel like it but in a lot of ways it may be better that your are not caught up in his addiction issues day to day.
Concentrate on taking care of yourself and I wish you all the best.
I am sorry to read about your situation.
Unfortunately nothing tends to get better until the person with the problem takes the correct action which you cannot be responsible for.
It might not feel like it but in a lot of ways it may be better that your are not caught up in his addiction issues day to day.
Concentrate on taking care of yourself and I wish you all the best.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Jenny,
I'm so sorry.
He's in the grip of a terrible addiction. You can't help him. His family can't help him. There is no reasoning with him.
Until he wants to give up you need to take 100% care of yourself - love yourself - and make a Plan B.
Regards,
JT
I'm so sorry.
He's in the grip of a terrible addiction. You can't help him. His family can't help him. There is no reasoning with him.
Until he wants to give up you need to take 100% care of yourself - love yourself - and make a Plan B.
Regards,
JT
There's nothing you can do for him, so best to just take good care of yourself. Addiction is a selfish disease. 
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