Tink50

Hi, I posted here awhile back seeking advice for my daughter. Anyway I was at a family gathering tonight and again was accused of over reacting to alcohol use. Basically insinuating that I am strange and the rest of the real world drinks and I must have issues. Back story: My adult daughter has ended a LTR after discovering the other half's drinking problem.
My family insists I see things that aren't there etc... Like He's young this is what young people do." "He's a good guy, (we did stuff when young), etc... and basically laying the blame at our feet, like we just made this stuff up.

I know the difference, therapy, books, life experience, have taught me well. I'm really tired of being badgered and made to feel like what I see isn't true. I wish I could explain better, I guess it's like gas-lighting.
I just cannot understand when people are making choices to care for themselves first, people will try to convince you not to.

Mango blast

There's power in posting here, using your voice to speak your truth in a safe environment with people who understand.

Tink50

Thank you! It's so frustrating, I want to cry and scream. They feel like "I" should have convinced them to "work things out". Or supported continuing the relationship. I can't, with every fiber of my being, what I've seen in my half century on the planet. I know how it ends. It's my child, why, why would I encourage someone to that hellish life? I'm not religious, at all.... I partied when younger, I had "wild" times. This is not that. Substance abuse runs both sides of my family, both sides of my ex's family. To me you have to choose. Choose to continue the cycle or not. I chose not to. Why do people act like you are so horrible or ridiculous, to walk a straight line?

FeelingGreat

Hi Tink, maybe you're over-sharing? I know you're concerned but in the end it's your daughter's business. If you have opinions, and your DD is receptive then discuss them with her, but the extended family? You don't have to explain or justify.

Another aspect is that when it come to alcohol, most people are not at their most logical. As a recovered A, I've received many confidences I didn't ask for about drinking, usually justifying that the person doesn't have a problem. Some of the push-back you get will be about rationalisation and justification. But you can short -circuit that by staying strictly neutral about your DD.

Mango blast

No idea why... just walk away next time, grab some headphones and listen to ELO... (Don't bring me down!)

https://youtu.be/EoW5yMZDI48

Tink50

Thanks! You are right. And I know this..... Just pushing my buttons. Why? Who knows. Just drives me up a wall!! And makes me question myself. As far as daughter, it was her decision, it was made before she came to me to "let it out"
I believe she dealt with it alone for a long time. You know, once you come to your parents about a partner issue, you can't put it back in a box so to speak.

Ariesagain

It’s none of their business.

And if they’re rude enough to bring it up, point out it’s her decision and none of your business, either, so you’re not going to discuss it.

Sorry, sweetie...boozed-up know-it-alls are the worst!

Sending you a hug.