The first stage in recovery?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: England
Posts: 83
The first stage in recovery?
Hello!
I can't believe I'm writing this!
I keep kidding myself that I don't have a problem... But deep down I know that I do. I feel so ashamed.
After binging for weeks on end I tested myself last night. I had 4 days without a drink and had 5 gin and tonics. And then stopped. Went to bed and convinced myself I was ok!!!
Woke up feeling weird. Oddly elated... and shaking!!! Got dressed and went out. All the time I was out I was trying to forget that I was experiencing withdrawal.
I got home at 1:30pm and opened the gin... Finished that and I've just opened a bottle of wine that I bought for someone as a present.
I'm fairly sure now that I have a real issue with alcohol although I do think I'm still in the early stages of dependency (is that possible, or just another excuse?).
I don't know what I expect from posting this, but just admitting I have a problem is strangely comforting.
I can't believe I'm writing this!
I keep kidding myself that I don't have a problem... But deep down I know that I do. I feel so ashamed.
After binging for weeks on end I tested myself last night. I had 4 days without a drink and had 5 gin and tonics. And then stopped. Went to bed and convinced myself I was ok!!!
Woke up feeling weird. Oddly elated... and shaking!!! Got dressed and went out. All the time I was out I was trying to forget that I was experiencing withdrawal.
I got home at 1:30pm and opened the gin... Finished that and I've just opened a bottle of wine that I bought for someone as a present.
I'm fairly sure now that I have a real issue with alcohol although I do think I'm still in the early stages of dependency (is that possible, or just another excuse?).
I don't know what I expect from posting this, but just admitting I have a problem is strangely comforting.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Boulder, CO
Posts: 419
Hey there,
I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time. I think the key for all of us is reflecting on our life and asking ourselves if we are truly powerless over alcohol. It took me years to admit that to myself and have acceptance BUT the truth will set you FREE. Do you think you have a problem with alcohol?
Garrison
I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time. I think the key for all of us is reflecting on our life and asking ourselves if we are truly powerless over alcohol. It took me years to admit that to myself and have acceptance BUT the truth will set you FREE. Do you think you have a problem with alcohol?
Garrison
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Boulder, CO
Posts: 419
Ah ok yeah i totally understand. I think it's definately a process but i know for me eventually the freedom that i received from every passing day sober outweighed the obsession to drink. Are you interested in getting help?
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to SR. Admitting is one of the first steps. Accepting that you can't ever drink is the other.
You decide to quit, you'll find out how "dependent" you are.
Originally Posted by Sunflower17 
I do think I'm still in the early stages of dependency (is that possible, or just another excuse?).
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
I completely understand the terrified feeling. As well as how comforting it is to say it.
If you want to try something amazingly comforting.... Go to an AA meeting and say it to real people.
I'll never forget that feeling.
If you want to try something amazingly comforting.... Go to an AA meeting and say it to real people.
I'll never forget that feeling.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
I'm fairly sure now that I have a real issue with alcohol although I do think I'm still in the early stages of dependency (is that possible, or just another excuse?).
alcoholism can make us think some pretty insane things, like havin us think the drinkin aint as bad as it truly is.
i dont think early stages of dependency
gets home at 1:30 pm, polishes off a bottle of gin, then opens a bottle of wine that was going to be a present.
or have withdrawl symptoms
the great thing is there IS a solution. good youre not going to drive in the condition youre in. but you can find AA's big book online to read. the first 164 pages tell how we recovered and the rest are personal stories.
the chapters,"more about alcoholism" and "there is a solution" seem theyd be good reading about now.
alcoholism can make us think some pretty insane things, like havin us think the drinkin aint as bad as it truly is.
i dont think early stages of dependency
gets home at 1:30 pm, polishes off a bottle of gin, then opens a bottle of wine that was going to be a present.
or have withdrawl symptoms
the great thing is there IS a solution. good youre not going to drive in the condition youre in. but you can find AA's big book online to read. the first 164 pages tell how we recovered and the rest are personal stories.
the chapters,"more about alcoholism" and "there is a solution" seem theyd be good reading about now.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Sunflower17
I'm just terrified to admit it!
whats more terrifying- admitting that or takin a look at life with alcohol still in it?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 645
I wasted a lot of time being terrified of admitting I had a problem. Now sober six plus years, it feels completely ridiculous that I was afraid. Being an alcoholic is not a choice. I wasn't a little girl that hoped to grow up and be an alcoholic one day, but I am one. It is what it is. I believe it truly is a combination of things that makes one an alcoholic i.e. genetics, environment, personality, etc. Given the choice of the disease or alcoholism or the disease of cancer, I would pick alcoholism every time. My best friend died of cancer in 2013 and after seeing her suffer, any feelings of self pity for myself and my disease went out the window. So dust yourself and get going on living the best version of your life and walk through your fears. Good luck.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,474
Alcohol in my life was far more terrifying than admitting I was an alcoholic.
If you are unsure you're an alcoholic, decide to stop drinking and see what happens. If you're not an alcoholic, there should be no problem. If you are an alcoholic, you will find lots of support here. We do understand how hard this is.
If you are unsure you're an alcoholic, decide to stop drinking and see what happens. If you're not an alcoholic, there should be no problem. If you are an alcoholic, you will find lots of support here. We do understand how hard this is.
Mr
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 5,230
I love the honesty and simplicity of this and so true
"decide to stop drinking and see what happens. If you're not an alcoholic, there should be no problem. If you are an alcoholic, you will find lots of support here. We do understand how hard this is."
"decide to stop drinking and see what happens. If you're not an alcoholic, there should be no problem. If you are an alcoholic, you will find lots of support here. We do understand how hard this is."
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 242
In many parts of the USA, if you call local AA and speak with them, they will try to get someone to pick you up and bring you to a meeting. The people will be folks with the same problem as you who have overcome it --at least for now!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 242
Alcohol damages our brain and thus effects our thinking. Alcohol is an addictive poison. Because it's addictive it causes cravings and confused thinking. Local AA can help you --in many parts of the USA they will come and get you!!! All they ask is that, if you get sober, you pass it on to other suffering people.
WQe have all been as scared and ill as you feel now!
WQe have all been as scared and ill as you feel now!
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Admitting and accepting I was an alcoholic still wasn't enough for me. I twistedly grew to be ok with that understanding. If I had a bad day, I was an alcoholic having a bad day - conversely, it was a good day I was an alcoholic having a good day. Either way, I am alcoholic. As I looked around and began to comprehend how unmanagable my life had become I had tow choices; continue on drinking till the bitter end or change what I was doing.
When circumstances got bad enough I started taking action. It was is then that things in my life started changing.
Nothing special with here - just made a decision. It start with that and you can do it as well.
Welcome
When circumstances got bad enough I started taking action. It was is then that things in my life started changing.
Nothing special with here - just made a decision. It start with that and you can do it as well.
Welcome
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Give AA a call and see if someone can take you to a meeting.
And if you drink 5 gin and tonics and think that is 'ok', well, that's not ok.
I hope our support and the support of AA, can help you get sober for good.
And if you drink 5 gin and tonics and think that is 'ok', well, that's not ok.
I hope our support and the support of AA, can help you get sober for good.
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