Feeling Fustrated Tonight!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Feeling Fustrated Tonight!
Hi,
Just feeling very discouraged tonight!
My XAH has ruined my credit, continues to be late paying for his truck, that is in my name as well as his! He lied to the court and stated he only had 4 payments left! He really had 11. Court told him he didn't need to refinance.
The court awarded the house to him, and he needed to refinance or list it for sale within 6months. My XAH has had no job for almost 2years! His sister has been paying his bills! The house is listed for sale, but he's now almost a month behind with the mortgage! By the time the court hears it, the house will be in foreclosure. The court awarded me a sum of money upon refinance of the house or sale of the house!
I was also awarded a portion of his IRA. My XAH was supposed to sign a signature of guarantee paper. It's been over a month and he hasn't signed!
To make a long story shorter, I haven't seen a penny! Those are just a few of the highlights. There is more!
To make things even worse, my XAH was arrested for criminal threatening, and felony assault with a deadly weapon! Final pre trial hearing is Jan 3rd. He's looking a some jail time!
Not sure what's gonna happen! Can't get any money from someone who hasn't had a job in 2years, maybe going to jail, and obviously cares about nothing, choosing to let the house go!!
I did everything I thought was right and fair for me but also my XAH. I feel like their isn't any justice!!
I didn't ask for this devastating disease to effect my life!
I'm trying to do the best I can with what I have!
Just so Fustrated!! How can my XAH be so cruel and look at himself in the mirror!!
Thanks for listening.
Z
Just feeling very discouraged tonight!
My XAH has ruined my credit, continues to be late paying for his truck, that is in my name as well as his! He lied to the court and stated he only had 4 payments left! He really had 11. Court told him he didn't need to refinance.
The court awarded the house to him, and he needed to refinance or list it for sale within 6months. My XAH has had no job for almost 2years! His sister has been paying his bills! The house is listed for sale, but he's now almost a month behind with the mortgage! By the time the court hears it, the house will be in foreclosure. The court awarded me a sum of money upon refinance of the house or sale of the house!
I was also awarded a portion of his IRA. My XAH was supposed to sign a signature of guarantee paper. It's been over a month and he hasn't signed!
To make a long story shorter, I haven't seen a penny! Those are just a few of the highlights. There is more!
To make things even worse, my XAH was arrested for criminal threatening, and felony assault with a deadly weapon! Final pre trial hearing is Jan 3rd. He's looking a some jail time!
Not sure what's gonna happen! Can't get any money from someone who hasn't had a job in 2years, maybe going to jail, and obviously cares about nothing, choosing to let the house go!!
I did everything I thought was right and fair for me but also my XAH. I feel like their isn't any justice!!
I didn't ask for this devastating disease to effect my life!
I'm trying to do the best I can with what I have!
Just so Fustrated!! How can my XAH be so cruel and look at himself in the mirror!!
Thanks for listening.
Z
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: east coast
Posts: 530
So Sorry Zircon. You know I have been through a difficult time also- and sometimes really upset about the injustice of it all. Thank good ness you are no longer with him because you would be now out of pocket his legal bills for the criminal offenses. A good friend told me - and this helped me a lot- you have a job you enjoy, hobbies you like, and two cute dogs. Your apartment is cute and safe. And I realized she was right. NO matter what happens, Zircon- you are worth more than money. It is not fair. And you have very right to be upset and angry. I also realized I would be homeless and live in a cardboard box before I would live with XAH again.( Hasn't happened yet though!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Thank You
Hi,
Thank you for your kind words! Sometimes I need a reminder of how blessed I am! I am a very lucky woman! I am out of this with all of me, maybe broken, but fixable, and my 2 precious dogs!
I sometimes, I guess don't understand how the courts work. They gave my XAH ever break so he could keep the house he wanted and he screwed it up!! You'd think they would have put more conditions on it!
I feel grateful I left when I did! It could of been me he assaulted!
Funny, but truly sad, the DA office doesn't feel jail time will change his behavior! They said to me he's already lost it all, has nothing more to loose. I responded he has a new financee. The DA responded, they felt, only to meet his needs!
It's very validating seeing it from a totally different prospective!
Please keep me posted as to your progress. It really helps me day to day.
Lastly, I don't think it's really about the things, even though financially it would help me! It's about closure and there is still a connection between us, which needs to be cut!! I can't stand the fact Thant my XAH still has some control over my life!
Not sure that makes any sense!
Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words!
Take Care,
Zircon
Thank you for your kind words! Sometimes I need a reminder of how blessed I am! I am a very lucky woman! I am out of this with all of me, maybe broken, but fixable, and my 2 precious dogs!
I sometimes, I guess don't understand how the courts work. They gave my XAH ever break so he could keep the house he wanted and he screwed it up!! You'd think they would have put more conditions on it!
I feel grateful I left when I did! It could of been me he assaulted!
Funny, but truly sad, the DA office doesn't feel jail time will change his behavior! They said to me he's already lost it all, has nothing more to loose. I responded he has a new financee. The DA responded, they felt, only to meet his needs!
It's very validating seeing it from a totally different prospective!
Please keep me posted as to your progress. It really helps me day to day.
Lastly, I don't think it's really about the things, even though financially it would help me! It's about closure and there is still a connection between us, which needs to be cut!! I can't stand the fact Thant my XAH still has some control over my life!
Not sure that makes any sense!
Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words!
Take Care,
Zircon
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Hi,
I just re texted my lawyer, with no response yet. Usually for anything to be done via the courts it takes a few months. My XAH has missed his first mortgage payment. I'm very discouraged! He could actually be going to jail in January, so I feel this needs to be looked at ASAP!!
All along his sister has been making the payment! I can't believe the court allowed him to keep the house, and not have it immediately listed for sale. My XAH informed the court that he didn't know how long his sister would be kind enough to pay his bills! I'm sure she's furious with him regarding the felony charge!
Why would the court make such a decision with such uncertainty about my XAH ability to pay!
Z
I just re texted my lawyer, with no response yet. Usually for anything to be done via the courts it takes a few months. My XAH has missed his first mortgage payment. I'm very discouraged! He could actually be going to jail in January, so I feel this needs to be looked at ASAP!!
All along his sister has been making the payment! I can't believe the court allowed him to keep the house, and not have it immediately listed for sale. My XAH informed the court that he didn't know how long his sister would be kind enough to pay his bills! I'm sure she's furious with him regarding the felony charge!
Why would the court make such a decision with such uncertainty about my XAH ability to pay!
Z
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: east coast
Posts: 530
HI Zircon- I agree with you about the unfairness of it all! I also have to wait for a sign off on the IRA. my XAH would not negotiate a settlement so I had to wait until it went to court- 17 months. I live in a tiny apartment while he is in a 5000 square foot beautiful home that I decorated and left probably 90 % of the furnishings behind. My court date was October 12 and even though the order has been made we are still squabbling over money- and of course each time you call the lawyer it costs more. Even though I am no contact- I also feel a connection that I want to permanently break. I did get some the money early this week- and it feels like we are less connected and I am looking forward to the house being sold and all the money disbursed.
Hang in there- let us know what your lawyer says!
Hang in there- let us know what your lawyer says!
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: east coast
Posts: 530
Well just to update you Zircon- I emailed my XAH and asked him to please sign off on the IRA- and he replied he did not know what I was talking about!!! Sending him the form in the mail with little post - its that say "please sign here."
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 994
I let my exah have the lot. It was the fastest way to me getting peace in my life and I've never regretted it. I knew any other way would be putting myself through years of frustration cos active alcoholics do as they please, if they please and when they please. They seem immuned to court orders or papers they are supposed to sign. Yeah he got the family home, he got all the marital assets but he's dying now and I am OK. I reckon I came out on top and the ability to sever the connection asap was priceless.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Hi
Hi, All and qtpi!
I truly understand what all of you are going through or have gone through! It's not easy! Not sure if the connection is very really severed!
I qtpi, also send out the paper to my XAH to sign off on his IRA, over 2months ago with no response! The IRA people, even with a court order won't release the money without his signature! I hope it happens quickly for you! Keep posting!
Take Care!
Z
I truly understand what all of you are going through or have gone through! It's not easy! Not sure if the connection is very really severed!
I qtpi, also send out the paper to my XAH to sign off on his IRA, over 2months ago with no response! The IRA people, even with a court order won't release the money without his signature! I hope it happens quickly for you! Keep posting!
Take Care!
Z
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 1
Hi Z
I was in a somewhat similar situation.
Mortgage had not been paid, RAH (nasty dry drunk,still smoking weed, moved out to an apartment while I was at work) had no income. I filled out a hardship application with my mortgage broker. This application process is a bit tedious but completely doable. We were approved within 30 Days of filing. So this tacks the payment on the back end of the loan. So when the house sells the bank gets their payments.
You will have to pay the monthly tax fee but not the whole amount.
I suggest calling your mortgage guy on Monday and asking. A huge plus is the home is allready on the market.
Good luck to you. I can really relate and understand. Xo
I was in a somewhat similar situation.
Mortgage had not been paid, RAH (nasty dry drunk,still smoking weed, moved out to an apartment while I was at work) had no income. I filled out a hardship application with my mortgage broker. This application process is a bit tedious but completely doable. We were approved within 30 Days of filing. So this tacks the payment on the back end of the loan. So when the house sells the bank gets their payments.
You will have to pay the monthly tax fee but not the whole amount.
I suggest calling your mortgage guy on Monday and asking. A huge plus is the home is allready on the market.
Good luck to you. I can really relate and understand. Xo
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