Just a matter of time..
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: California
Posts: 142
Just a matter of time..
I'm going to relapse. I just know it. I don't even know why I bother to fight. I'm more worried about disappointing my friends and family than anything else. I just don't know what else to do. I'm sick of always feeling down and it just flips like a switch. Making a gratitude list helps because I am grateful for everything God has blessed me with, which is what is so frustrating. There isn't anything I could change to make me happy, e hixcept to be rid of this nonsense! I just want to be happy. I know drinking will only make me miserable but I already am and I'm tried from fighting on top of it. Makes me just want to drink myself to death. What's the point of working to make a better life for myself if im going to be unhappy no matter what?
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
93???
You have GOT this. You know that you have gotten thru some bad craves before now. See your doctor about depression, tell a loved one that you are feeling despair. Connect with a recovery meeting. Talk to us here.
Relapse is not inevitable, but i am sure you already know that. Hugs, support and strength to you.
You have GOT this. You know that you have gotten thru some bad craves before now. See your doctor about depression, tell a loved one that you are feeling despair. Connect with a recovery meeting. Talk to us here.
Relapse is not inevitable, but i am sure you already know that. Hugs, support and strength to you.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
I'm sick of always feeling down
have you looked at why you feel down and ways to change it?
what have you been doing for recovery- what actions have ya done?
the way it reads is a dry drunk
have you looked at why you feel down and ways to change it?
what have you been doing for recovery- what actions have ya done?
the way it reads is a dry drunk
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: California
Posts: 142
193 days
Sorry my post had some typos... posted it in a rush.
I stopped and checked my HALT triggers. I'm all four. I guess explains the strong urge. It just feels like taking even just a sip of alcohol will somehow take this enormous weight of of my chest... I feel like I'm being crushed.
Sorry my post had some typos... posted it in a rush.
I stopped and checked my HALT triggers. I'm all four. I guess explains the strong urge. It just feels like taking even just a sip of alcohol will somehow take this enormous weight of of my chest... I feel like I'm being crushed.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by LoveForMe 
193 days
Sorry my post had some typos... posted it in a rush.
I stopped and checked my HALT triggers. I'm all four. I guess explains the strong urge. It just feels like taking even just a sip of alcohol will somehow take this enormous weight of of my chest... I feel like I'm being crushed.
Sorry my post had some typos... posted it in a rush.
I stopped and checked my HALT triggers. I'm all four. I guess explains the strong urge. It just feels like taking even just a sip of alcohol will somehow take this enormous weight of of my chest... I feel like I'm being crushed.
what weight is on your chest? what is making you feel like youre being crushed?
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
To quote a great song, “forever is a very long time.” You’re making the assumption that what you’re experiencing right now is what sober will always be. Incorrect assumption...you’re in the tough part.
You KNOW what drinking will be like...except it’s worse than what you remember.
You DON’T KNOW what being sober will be like.
Here’s a link I read over and over in the early months...
Mummy was a Secret Drinker: The Obstacle Course
Hang in there. You’ve already thoroughly researched the alternative, yes?
You KNOW what drinking will be like...except it’s worse than what you remember.
You DON’T KNOW what being sober will be like.
Here’s a link I read over and over in the early months...
Mummy was a Secret Drinker: The Obstacle Course
Hang in there. You’ve already thoroughly researched the alternative, yes?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 1,065
Remember, there is always someone looking up to you. You are an example for someone.
A year and a half before I decided to quit, I remember a young lady, I didn't know very well, one of the organisations I work with has an Ambassador Program for teen girls, before the big National convention, she was asked to make a list of strong women she admired.
My name was on that list, near the top, me, who spent my weekends holed up in an office working, (drinking) who was so busy life was passing her by, because I couldn't manage my time while drinking. Me who lived this horrible double life, businesswoman and mom, doing it all, retreating on the weekends like a reptile into my cold, lonely office to my good friend merlot. The woman who got irritable if her kid had a cold, or trouble falling asleep on a "wine" night.
Someone is always looking up to you. It took me over a year to make the decision I wouldn't live the way I did. That I was robbing my family of my time, my emotions, it was turmoil and hell while I did it, but slowly, the person that young girl saw, was the person I sincerely wanted to be. When I put the bottle down, I put it down. I told people I am taking a year off ageing, because a year right now is what I can out loud commit to. I know I can never drink again, I know a sober life is my only choice, it just sounds less final and I am still really early in recovery, and one year, doesn't set me up to fail. There are still a whole lot of things to be confronted, a whole well of emotions and pent up feelings to be addressed, but I am hitting them sober and no matter how much they hurt, no matter how hard it gets, I will not drink them away.
I matter, my sobriety matters, my family matters and somewhere, goodness willing, there will be another young girl or guy, I will positively, without knowing necessarily impact. For me to do that, I have to be the best me, I can be.
Someone is looking up to you right now, you may not know it, don't let yourself, or them down.
A year and a half before I decided to quit, I remember a young lady, I didn't know very well, one of the organisations I work with has an Ambassador Program for teen girls, before the big National convention, she was asked to make a list of strong women she admired.
My name was on that list, near the top, me, who spent my weekends holed up in an office working, (drinking) who was so busy life was passing her by, because I couldn't manage my time while drinking. Me who lived this horrible double life, businesswoman and mom, doing it all, retreating on the weekends like a reptile into my cold, lonely office to my good friend merlot. The woman who got irritable if her kid had a cold, or trouble falling asleep on a "wine" night.
Someone is always looking up to you. It took me over a year to make the decision I wouldn't live the way I did. That I was robbing my family of my time, my emotions, it was turmoil and hell while I did it, but slowly, the person that young girl saw, was the person I sincerely wanted to be. When I put the bottle down, I put it down. I told people I am taking a year off ageing, because a year right now is what I can out loud commit to. I know I can never drink again, I know a sober life is my only choice, it just sounds less final and I am still really early in recovery, and one year, doesn't set me up to fail. There are still a whole lot of things to be confronted, a whole well of emotions and pent up feelings to be addressed, but I am hitting them sober and no matter how much they hurt, no matter how hard it gets, I will not drink them away.
I matter, my sobriety matters, my family matters and somewhere, goodness willing, there will be another young girl or guy, I will positively, without knowing necessarily impact. For me to do that, I have to be the best me, I can be.
Someone is looking up to you right now, you may not know it, don't let yourself, or them down.
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: California
Posts: 142
Originally Posted by tomsteve
193 days is awesome!
what weight is on your chest? what is making you feel like youre being crushed?
what weight is on your chest? what is making you feel like youre being crushed?
Thank you guys for reading.
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
People are here for you, for sure. Right alongside you.
I followed Ariesagain’s link and that lady has a great blog. The tab for “Advice for days 30-90” deals heavily with anxiety.
Glad you are feeling just a bit better. Good work posting from the depths!
I followed Ariesagain’s link and that lady has a great blog. The tab for “Advice for days 30-90” deals heavily with anxiety.
Glad you are feeling just a bit better. Good work posting from the depths!
Last edited by BixBees505; 12-14-2017 at 10:41 AM. Reason: Copy of link didn't link...refer back in thread.
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Join Date: Nov 2017
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I have had those exact same thoughts that you are having right now - "it's just a matter of time" - and I'm telling you THAT is your disease talking. 100%. it's sneaky and it's dangerous. Challenge that thinking. Why is it just a matter of time? What if it's not? Look forward and refuse to look back.
This is the type of thinking that always precedes a drink for me, and it's these thoughts that will prevent us from ever getting better. Look at all of the people recovering from this illness - why them and not you?
You CAN do this, with the help and support of other people in recovery and a HP (if you can comprehend the HP thing yet). Trying saying a prayer - if you believe in nothing just say it to nothing. Help me get through this next minute/hour/day sober.
Don't feed into these nasty thoughts, they will not take you anywhere good.
This is the type of thinking that always precedes a drink for me, and it's these thoughts that will prevent us from ever getting better. Look at all of the people recovering from this illness - why them and not you?
You CAN do this, with the help and support of other people in recovery and a HP (if you can comprehend the HP thing yet). Trying saying a prayer - if you believe in nothing just say it to nothing. Help me get through this next minute/hour/day sober.
Don't feed into these nasty thoughts, they will not take you anywhere good.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,246
Really glad you got through that......and thanks for posting.
I can absolutely relate. I am 181 days sober and I get really big waves of anger/despair/anxiety when I feel almost compelled to drink to just stop it. It is almost unbearable. But each time it passes, and it rarely lasts more than an hour or two at that intensity. So far every time I have gotten through it I am immensely relieved that I did not drink. Afterwards I can remind myself that whatever my AV says, it is not inevitable that I relapse. I don't have to die from this....
There are days I don't feel great and get disheartened with recovery but lets face it the alternative is far, far worse.
Support to you.
I can absolutely relate. I am 181 days sober and I get really big waves of anger/despair/anxiety when I feel almost compelled to drink to just stop it. It is almost unbearable. But each time it passes, and it rarely lasts more than an hour or two at that intensity. So far every time I have gotten through it I am immensely relieved that I did not drink. Afterwards I can remind myself that whatever my AV says, it is not inevitable that I relapse. I don't have to die from this....
There are days I don't feel great and get disheartened with recovery but lets face it the alternative is far, far worse.
Support to you.
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