BrightenMeUp

Hey all,

My party dilemma is a bit different. I have employees of my own that are looking forward to our annual party. I dont let them get too close to me on a personal level so I didnt express my recent sobriety to them (71 days).

The party is at my house and I host with all the food and booze normally. If someone wants to bring there own stuff thats fine aswell.

My problem is this party is expected of me. I really dont wanna cancel it and lower the morale of my employees.

In other words my question is: have any of you fine people been in a situation like this? and what would you do if you were me?

I do feel much more confident in my sobriety now than I did earlier, but its still nagging at me with the whole booze thing in my house.

Advice is very much appreciated as im in a tight spot.

Thanks so much!!

Brighten

MyLittleHorsie

Hi Brighten,

I am probably not any longer sober than you, but one of the companies I own does large scale events. I did a big gala at about 5 weeks sober.

It's not easy, the voice will be in the back of your mind, especially as others drink

For me, I am the boss, Boss Bleeping Lady is the cover on my phone. Therefore, I am also the example. My sobriety is mine, I consider every event I do, to be where I am the boss, the one in charge, it is work. I do not drink at work, ever. Never did, honestly couldn't. Not and keep my head and accomplish what I wanted. So for me, it's work. Business luncheon, work, dinner meeting, work, Christmas Party - WORK! Work to me, equals no drinking.

Even though I never drank at work or parties before sobriety, I still make sure that is very clear in my head, I do not drink, there is no way I can, I am working. Not to say, I don't hear the voice, nobody will know, sneak into the kitchen/staging/bar and have a glass of wine, you will feel better; at that point, I go get busy with something else, I go to the bathroom, fix my make up and remind myself why I am sober, that my own, my family's health depends on it. I think about the bad things that could potentially happen - what if a fight broke out, I lose my liquor license for drinking on the job and then where am I, not building a great business to leave my kids and then what will that bad decision trigger? I need to be nice to my kids, one was an 11lb, natural delivery, incontinence is just a sneeze away. It's not what if one of you has to change my diapers when I am old, it's one of you has to change my diapers when I am old! (A little side track humour - apologies)

You are the boss, this is a work function, you must be sober, you are responsible for the lives of everyone at your party. You not only need to set the example, you need to ensure everything runs smoothly, safely and most important, everyone leaves healthy and happy. You can't do that, unless you are sober. You might have to tell it to yourself a 100 times until you really get it and it becomes a part of your role at that party.

BrightenMeUp

Hey MLH !!

Thanks for the solid advice!! Its so much appreciated.

I can definitely see what you mean about having to set the example and be the boss. I guess since the parties have always been at my house ive felt that it was ok to drink in my own domain. I never got out of hand drunk but did drink in front of employees.

Your response makes me think maybe not having the party at my house? Maybe renting a place for the evening? Whats your thoughts on that??

Even besides not drinking, just the thought of having booze back in my house is bothering me more than I thought it would.

Thanks much

Brighten

doggonecarl

Morale? It's a Christmas party, for goodness sake. I wouldn't worry about it. If you feel it threatens your sobriety, you don't hold it.

biminiblue

As an employee who went to those parties sober I can just say I was uncomfortable at my boss's house. I don't want to get to know them in that way. It felt to me like boundaries were being blurred and I didn't like those parties.

I far prefer going to some event location when it's for work.

MyLittleHorsie

If renting a place helps you mentally, then do it.

I honestly never throw a party at my house in the winter, summertime, outside, everything goes in the fire pit, I have enough picking up after 3 kids a husband and two dogs, one of which is a giant and may herself have a slight drinking problem (Saint Bernard), that I don't put the stress on myself.

The gala I threw was on a tight-ish budget, so hall rental, we hired out the bar, but a restaurant with a private room would work, then, the onus is on someone else to police the drinking. Even though I hired the bar, I was on the liquor license, so it was my license and insurance.

I rented a small trailer, loaded it with 5 decorated Christmas trees, did some arrangements in glass vases, I went to the local greenhouse, they helped me out. I like to stay a bit ahead of others in my area and have go-to buffet meals that are easy, Mexican buffet, the nice part is you use the same things, basically for tacos you use for nachos and salads. Potato buffet, baked and fried, lots of interesting toppings, corn buffet, that's more summer for my corn roast, but same thing, everything corn! I rented a commercial kitchen for the food prep, made everything, froze it and then transported to the location. For smaller table things, right now everyone is loving painted mason jars, they are so easy, white glue and the food colouring gel (the gel is important), mix together, coat the inside, put a lid on, let drain to lid, flip over, let drain, take lid off and in 2 days of air drying - all done, stick tea lights or those small strands, sprinkle some large (don't do small, not a big enough statement and a right pain to clean up after) glittery stones or beads around it.

Honestly, I like the idea of going out over going to someone's house. Budget wise, it's the same, you think, Oh I can do it cheaper, you usually cannot.

SaturatedSeize

Plan ahead on what you WILL drink, coffee, plain soda, water, and keep it in you hand all night. I was rarely a coffee drinker before sobriety. Now I drink coffee every day, it's helped to replace that drink with something else.

Take breaks. Go outside alone, or with a support person, to take time to recollect yourself, especially if the temptation is growing.

Eat a lot! I rarely ate when I drank because I wanted to fill up on booze and not inhibit my buzz. If I'm full, I didn't want to drink.

Post here during your party (maybe on a break) and check in. Post up another thread for your evening and check in every hour. Hold yourself accountable by being honest with us here.

I get the morale concern, if you work in an environment that overlaps into personal time, it's important to keep morale up. Be prepared for a difficult night and plan for the best.

Good luck!

BrightenMeUp

Thank you for the responses, I think I should probably go the renting route. Great ideas MLH. And although I dont own any liquor license, it would also be easier to make myself scarce when its not at my house. I guess in the past I just thought it would be easier and cheaper. Plus I let people stay if they didnt have a sober driver to take them home.

Thanks much!!!

And yep S.S. thanks for the advice!! And morale like you said is a big deal to me and my employees. They do look forward to a nice Christmas party as do I. Happy people make productive employees aswell. Thanks Much!!

Nonsensical

We are part of a group of couples that rotate hosting duties for New Year's Eve. Lots of food and booze. The year I was trying to get/stay sober was - you guessed it - our turn to host.

Here is the trap I would caution you about: The party was fine. I had plenty of time to prepare emotionally and logistically. Got through it no problem. It was the next few days that were a problem for me. My AV was right there telling me what an awesome job I did hosting that party and staying sober - I deserved a reward for being such a good boy.

So, if you go forward with the party, be aware of the ambush waiting on the other side. I walked right into it.

BrightenMeUp

Excellent heads up NS. !! I will definitely take that to heart!! The whole reward thing is part of my AV also.

MyLittleHorsie

There's two easy routes.

Rent a hall, you will need a liquor license and insurance, insurance for a liquor event runs me around $300 an event. If you did it in your home and your insurance found out, they would want the same, exact same for a business. Easiest is to call up a Lions or Rotary group, often they will come run your bar for a fee (what I do) or a cut of the profit. In Canada, at least where I live, you are not supposed to profit off a bar, even though everyone does a bit, but it's easier to go fee based. Then music of some sort, decorations.

A restaurant, personally I am a fan of golf and country clubs, I work with 2 here, one for smaller events and one for big events, the larger venue has not as good of food. The smaller one, great food, plus they are already decorated AND there is no onus on you for the liquor.

From a budget standpoint - your house,
$75 for a cleaner before hand - or stress to do it yourself
$15/pp for a meal give or take
$300 alcohol
Huge liability if someone drinks and drives from your house

G&CC probably $20/pp and limited stress.

Some places have group get togethers, not enough people for one big party, several employers get together at a G&CC for one big party, that way everyone shares the cost.

Good luck - but yeah, don't have it at your house. My husband brought in a case of Coors we had left over, I said not to open Coors when we got to the end of the night, but you know. I felt like it was something attacking me, in my own home, when truth is, when I drank, you couldn't pay me a million dollars to drink a Coors Light LOL. That stuff is only good as slug repellent in the garden and it's not that great at that! Not to mention there is beer in the fridge, whiskey in the liquor spot on top of the fridge, but that case, sitting on the landing to the basement, hit me like a ton of bricks, it was in my house and I didn't like it. Even though, the stuff is putrid. I think when we are early in recovery, we have to protect ourselves so much and we don't know 100% what will give us a mini panic attack or make us question our sobriety or commitment to it.

Maudcat

Probably a little late to bring this up, but how about monetary gifts instead of a party?
Everyone likes money.

BrightenMeUp

Hey Maud!

Never too late to bring a good idea up. That did cross my mind, but everyday at work my people keep telling me how much they are looking forward to getting together. That idea still isnt off the table yet tho.

Thanks much!!

tomsteve

i wouldnt care what kindnof boss i was for whatever company or how many employees-NO work parties of ANY kind at my residense.
want to boost employee morale? look into employee morale boosting events.
a quick search doesnt show any that say have a party at the bosses residense.

good to read,though, a boss that cares about their employees.