Zik4soul

Hello everyone!
I think i finally hit my Co dependency rock bottom.
In April, I got out of a pretty codependent relationship that ended in an explosion and rebounded with a full on relapsing meth addict. She swore that she wanted to get sober and we became friends. We were also hooking up and eventually started seriously dating despite her relapses. She showed and made efforts to go to meetings and swore up-and-down that she wanted to stay sober. After a couple of months of relapses and promises to keep wanting to get better, she had a really terrible relapsed on heroin and meth with her ex girlfriend of six years, on and off. She called me after 24 hours of using a variety of drugs and I went to go pick her up. Once again, she swore that she didn’t ever want to do that again. She was able to get a couple of weeks sober and we started a couple of small businesses in manual labor to keep her distracted and to start building together. After some time she would confess to me that she had been using for two weeks, or a couple days, or even a month at times. Our dynamic became one of codependency and she resented me for my honesty and consistency. And the last stretch, she got 50 days sober after a rock-bottom of an abusive bipolar episode and downing a bottle of whiskey . She ran into her ex at an AA meeting 2 months ago And 3 days later was telling me that she was still in love with her after months of telling me of how abusive and toxic the relationship was. The next morning she got drunk and left me for her and never came back. I suffered three weeks of her harassing me and calling me, telling me that she had made the biggest mistake of her life. She swore that she was going to rehab because she couldn’t stand her ex and that she was going to make amends to me someday. She went into detox for two weeks, and then after two days of treatment she left and went back straight into her exes arms. She then started posting them making out on social media and blocked me on everything refusing to get any of her belongings or taking responsibility for anything toward me . I want to believe when she tells people that she is remorseful for what she did to me considering that she was living off of me and swore up-and-down her gratitude and love for me every day. But her exiting the rehab early and returning to a toxic and abusive relationship in which she relapsed before does not seem like a step toward recovery. She is telling people she is going to drown herself in AA, I know that she is also living off of her ex as she was on me, and that all of this just seems like a façade. All of her family has also cut her off, and a lot of her friends have stopped talking to her. She is telling people that she is sober. I know that she is attending meetings But not sharing. I guess my question is, what is the possibility of her truly recovering from this? She seems to be exhibiting dry drunk syndrome, if she is even sober. I am happy to say that I am moving on with my life and drowning myself an Al-Anon and talking with my sponsor daily and attending meetings. It’s just hard to have cared for someone for almost a year and for them to so clearly not care about anything, especially themselves. I am grateful that I don’t need to be on this roller coaster with her again. But I do feel for her family , That I’m still in touch with. I know that they are in more pain than I can imagine. I will never be with her again, but I am trying to prepare myself for when she does hit another bottom and possibly tries to get in touch with me. I am hoping that her guilt and shame prevent her from ever contacting me again but the truth is you never know with these kinds of people. Any advice and wisdom Is welcome! Thank you for reading my story

DontRemember

Block any form of contact from her. I'd also start distancing from her family. You don't want any updates about her in order to move on.

Zik4soul

Yes, I have a couple of things that I need to return to them and then I am also cutting them off. Just a crappy situation. What are the chances of her contacting me? Should I just not answer at all if it happens?

DontRemember

I wouldn't. You want off this crazy ride,correct? As she's shown with her past actions, is exactly who she is. I know it hurts just as all breakups hurt,especially when cheating is involved. The quicker you get her and them out of your life, the faster you'll move on.

Done4today

You can't send them their things? Restraining orders can be used to stop them from contacting you. I would donate their things to charity and block/cut them off from every avenue to contact me. Part of co dependency is having someone to depend on. Good luck

Zik4soul

She has had many chances to get her things and the last thing she told me before rehab was to just throw it all away. I guess it’s just hard for me to accept that she might never come around and apologize, she might never get better, and even if she does theres a chance she still won’t make amends. I’ve never been so f***** over and it’s hard for me to imagine how a person can live with themselves like this. Is it possible to be happy and sober after doing this to someone? I just gave so much to this Person and she really had me fooled. Thanks for your help! I am definitely doing what is suggested to me, No matter what! Can’t wait to not care anymore!

Zik4soul

I definitely do, it’s just hard to move on knowing that she is all happy and moved on and in a relationship and that she can live with herself with what she did to me . Hoping I’ll tecover sooner than later

DontRemember

I'd throw the stuff away then. Addict or not,some people are just shallow jerks that will use others and move on like they did nothing. Some will go as far to 'flip history'. In their mind you did them wrong. My exgf is in an apparently great new relationship for a few months and called me asking to borrow a decent amount of cash last week. Just insane! Addict,in recovery,'normies' and never touched a thing in their lives people can be and are sometimes ********. Tis the world we live in.

Zik4soul

Must be a super great relationship if she’s asking you for money! How strange. I’m sorry that is happening. I guess people show us who they are and we have to believe them, as hard as it can be to accept. According to old friends of hers she has not always been this way but is becoming more so as she gets older. Progressive. I used to try to separate the addiction from the person but sometimes, and even often times, behavioral defects evolve into being non-distinguishable. Thank you for your words I appreciate them. In the end I believe that She did me a favor. I just want to work on not resenting her and wishing bad upon her for what she’s done. It serves me no purpose

Done4today

Throw her stuff away or charity. What she does, think or end up is none of your business. As an alcoholic, I went to my past and made amends. I am sober and extremely happy. I F'd over many in my past and few haven't received my amends yet because they were/are extremely co-dependent and would take my amends as getting back together. Not healthy for me, them or my sobriety. Won't happen until I know that my sobriety isn't in danger.

Zik4soul

Thank you so much for your words. i am donating her stuff to charity as we speak and tying up our loose ends with businesses we owned together/finishing gigs etc. i am doing my part and trying to be kind and compassionate until the end, despite her selfishness and entitlement. I will never get back with her. hopefully she doesn’t die and can someday make amends to me, but whatever has to do with her is none of my business anymore. Thanks again for your advice. I have the gift of desperation because dating addicts is also a cycle of mine that i am determined to stop! I have my program and a lot of support, so i am eternally grateful that she is sparing me from her downward spiral. I wish you continued success in our recovery as well! Grateful for your time. 🙏🏽

Dee74

Hi and welcome Zik

It sounds to me like you had a lucky escape.

It sounds like all kinds of dysfunction going on in her life, and it sounds like trouble you don't need.

If she told you to throw her things out, I'd do that.

I'd ease back on contact with her family too - you need a clean break of you want to move on.

D

Zik4soul

Thank you for your wise words Dee.
I am going to take everyone’s advice and distance myself from her family and get rid of her stuff. And es, as painful as it is right now i do feel extremely blessed in the long run. She is bipolar and a deeply untreated addict, her road to recovery is long and sadly she has not hit bottom with her enablers. My role has been fulfilled and i will find the strength to move ahead! One day at a time 😌

Horn95

Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

Zik4soul

Haha yes! I keep hearing that! I believe so as well. I just have moments where I feel so betrayed and it has triggered every abandonment issue I have. I am looking forward to the dark feelings passing. In the end, i know that i am better off. I just care for her so much and want her to recover for herself, for her potential, and for her little sister and her family. It’s a classic tale. I’m sad for her that she has such a long road ahead and that she has completely rejected me. I hope i taught her some things along the way! Thanks for your input 👍🏽