Financial pressure
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 123
Financial pressure
Just here hoping for a weekly reminder that I should trust my own feelings...
For the past week or so, AH seems to be trying to exert financial pressure on me - first it was just an email, "Can you send me the bills spreadsheet and the login information for anything we pay online/automatically?" Which I did, thinking it was on me to be responsible.
Now I get a text or email, or more than one, every single day about something else financial.
"Can you leave a check for the gas bill?" (No, I can't, because you have 2-3 other options for how to pay it, so deal with it yourself.)
"Can you pay the cable bill?" (No, you know the account number, you can pay it yourself.)
"Will you pay half of the car insurance?" (No, not just this moment, since it's $340/month thanks to your DUI. Ugh.)
"Cancel x,y,z or pay for it yourself." (Yeah, sure, eventually, but I'm not in a rush.)
Almost all of our bills are in his name. The cable is in mine and I will be cancelling as soon as I pick up my cat (working that out - I can only take a max of one of them with me, which does suck but I believe that the other two - who are quite attached to each other - will be OK) - trying not to set him off before I get her and the last of my important things out of the apartment (I've gotten most of it already).
I talked to my employer so they would cut me a paper check this week instead of direct depositing into our joint account, so I know I will at least have my own money to take care of myself.
It just feels like he is trying to stress me out enough that I come back - perhaps "realizing my folly" but really it just solidifies my feeling that this is effectively over, relationship-wise. Is it wrong that I don't feel particularly obligated to feel bad that he has to pay the bills going forward? I feel like it's about the least he can do (not to mention I'm not living there, so...) but I also know that part of me is reacting in anger to this specifically.
I figure my years of supplementing his drinking money and taking care of all of his survival needs etc ought to at least buy me a few months of car insurance for my little beater.
The good news is, it's not enough for me to go back. Go ahead and try to push me, buddy.
For the past week or so, AH seems to be trying to exert financial pressure on me - first it was just an email, "Can you send me the bills spreadsheet and the login information for anything we pay online/automatically?" Which I did, thinking it was on me to be responsible.
Now I get a text or email, or more than one, every single day about something else financial.
"Can you leave a check for the gas bill?" (No, I can't, because you have 2-3 other options for how to pay it, so deal with it yourself.)
"Can you pay the cable bill?" (No, you know the account number, you can pay it yourself.)
"Will you pay half of the car insurance?" (No, not just this moment, since it's $340/month thanks to your DUI. Ugh.)
"Cancel x,y,z or pay for it yourself." (Yeah, sure, eventually, but I'm not in a rush.)
Almost all of our bills are in his name. The cable is in mine and I will be cancelling as soon as I pick up my cat (working that out - I can only take a max of one of them with me, which does suck but I believe that the other two - who are quite attached to each other - will be OK) - trying not to set him off before I get her and the last of my important things out of the apartment (I've gotten most of it already).
I talked to my employer so they would cut me a paper check this week instead of direct depositing into our joint account, so I know I will at least have my own money to take care of myself.
It just feels like he is trying to stress me out enough that I come back - perhaps "realizing my folly" but really it just solidifies my feeling that this is effectively over, relationship-wise. Is it wrong that I don't feel particularly obligated to feel bad that he has to pay the bills going forward? I feel like it's about the least he can do (not to mention I'm not living there, so...) but I also know that part of me is reacting in anger to this specifically.
I figure my years of supplementing his drinking money and taking care of all of his survival needs etc ought to at least buy me a few months of car insurance for my little beater.
The good news is, it's not enough for me to go back. Go ahead and try to push me, buddy.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 667
Originally Posted by Challenger2013 
“"Will you pay half of the car insurance?" (No, not just this moment, since it's $340/month thanks to your DUI. Ugh.)”
Dang, he got off easy. Ours is $560+ per month.
Dang, he got off easy. Ours is $560+ per month.
However the best thing they did for me was tell me this. If I knew she had a problem and did not bring it to their attention and then something did happen, then I'd be considered negligent.
Then they suggested the following which I did. Take her off my policy and force her to get her own policy in her name solely. Even if it was my car she was driving. They by law could not cancel her. So they didn't. Instead they wrote her a new policy and provided her with her new rates (that were over double) and gave her 10 days to either pay or seek coverage elsewhere.
All legal, all very effective. Problem solved for me. She went to GIECO and bought a POS car to drive. Again all to my great thrill.
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