Do I HAVE to take ALL my sponsors suggestions?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Plymouth, MI
Posts: 147
Do I HAVE to take ALL my sponsors suggestions?
My sponsor says that if I want a sponsor to sponsor me...I have to do everything they say...no matter how I feel about it. What do you think ?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Boulder, CO
Posts: 419
Its funny because this topic has been around me lately. My sponsor is pretty laissez faire about how he suggests things to me but knowing that he has 20+ years of sobriety and some success in the program i take that with a grain of salt. I personally believe every one of us has our own program in sobriety. Person (A) might have a particular way they like to stay sober while Person (B) has another way. With that in mind i would say that typically the sponsors i have known will suggest things to a sponsee not dictate. Perhaps you need to find another sponsor? Can you give me an example of what you don't like? Do you have resentment over how your sponsor is acting toward you?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Plymouth, MI
Posts: 147
Originally Posted by comtnman740 
Its funny because this topic has been around me lately. My sponsor is pretty laissez faire about how he suggests things to me but knowing that he has 20+ years of sobriety and some success in the program i take that with a grain of salt. I personally believe every one of us has our own program in sobriety. Person (A) might have a particular way they like to stay sober while Person (B) has another way. With that in mind i would say that typically the sponsors i have known will suggest things to a sponsee not dictate. Perhaps you need to find another sponsor? Can you give me an example of what you don't like? Do you have resentment over how your sponsor is acting toward you?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Yeah, well give us an example.
My experience tells me that if the sponsor tells me to wash and wax his/her car as crucial to my recovery, I can safely tell him/her s/he's lost the plot.
If s/he tells me I need to do something that I can read in the book, I'll do it. Some sponsors do their thing with love and tolerance and some of them do it with control and fear.
You can tell the difference. Trust your instinct.
*edit after we cross posted: If you want to take the shot, take the shot. Tell the sponsor and see how he reacts. If he fires you, oh well. People have pretty strong opinions about pharmaceuticals, but if your doctor gives you something it is up to you to decide. There is a pamphlet about medications and AA if you go to AA.org.
I also did sobriety without any medications. Meds have caused me problems in the past. So I can see his point about chocolate - that's what I did, too.
My experience tells me that if the sponsor tells me to wash and wax his/her car as crucial to my recovery, I can safely tell him/her s/he's lost the plot.
If s/he tells me I need to do something that I can read in the book, I'll do it. Some sponsors do their thing with love and tolerance and some of them do it with control and fear.
You can tell the difference. Trust your instinct.
*edit after we cross posted: If you want to take the shot, take the shot. Tell the sponsor and see how he reacts. If he fires you, oh well. People have pretty strong opinions about pharmaceuticals, but if your doctor gives you something it is up to you to decide. There is a pamphlet about medications and AA if you go to AA.org.
I also did sobriety without any medications. Meds have caused me problems in the past. So I can see his point about chocolate - that's what I did, too.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Boulder, CO
Posts: 419
Hey scarly,
I would think that if your doctor suggested it and you feel like it would fortify your sobriety then you should take it. I don't know the full circumstances though? I also don't want to judge your sponsor. Do you have any other close mouth friends with a chunk of sobriety you could ask?
Garrison
I would think that if your doctor suggested it and you feel like it would fortify your sobriety then you should take it. I don't know the full circumstances though? I also don't want to judge your sponsor. Do you have any other close mouth friends with a chunk of sobriety you could ask?
Garrison
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Plymouth, MI
Posts: 147
Thanks everyone.... and I am going to get my shot. Vivitrol is a non-narcotic and not addictive. I think I am going to window shop for another sponsor. Sorta "keep what Im driving now....but peek at the dealerships as I drive by"... 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
theres a pamphlet titled,"questions and answers on sponsorship" you can find online that is a good read. heres a little something from it:
Must the newcomer agree with
everything the sponsor says?
No. If the sponsor’s ideas sound strange or
unclear, the newcomer had better speak up and
ask questions. Theirs is supposed to be an easy,
open relationship, in which both parties talk freely
and honestly with each other.
The A.A. program is simple, but it didn’t seem
that way to many of us at first. Often, we learned
by asking questions, at closed meetings or — most
especially — in conversations with our sponsors
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
a sponsor isnt to take a sponsee hostage and set demands.
HOWEVER
a sponsor may say things a sponsee doesnt agree with. but when it comes to medication and doctors, its best for sponsors to do what the BB says and not play doctor.
Must the newcomer agree with
everything the sponsor says?
No. If the sponsor’s ideas sound strange or
unclear, the newcomer had better speak up and
ask questions. Theirs is supposed to be an easy,
open relationship, in which both parties talk freely
and honestly with each other.
The A.A. program is simple, but it didn’t seem
that way to many of us at first. Often, we learned
by asking questions, at closed meetings or — most
especially — in conversations with our sponsors
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
a sponsor isnt to take a sponsee hostage and set demands.
HOWEVER
a sponsor may say things a sponsee doesnt agree with. but when it comes to medication and doctors, its best for sponsors to do what the BB says and not play doctor.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by scarly
My sponsor says that if I want a sponsor to sponsor me...I have to do everything they say...no matter how I feel about it. What do you think ?
Be open to trying things even though they may feel uncomfortable. Recovery isn't always comfortable.
At the same time, be willing to explain that something doesn't feel right for you and ask for alternative suggestions or just explain that you're unable to do a particular thing suggested at this time.
If your sponsor is a good sponsor, that person will adapt and offer their experience or their rationale for their suggestion - but will not pressure you to do things you're not comfortable with.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
No, I don't think you have to blindly follow his "orders" if they don't 'feel right' to you.
A little doubt can be a good thing. Also, your sponsor is not supposed to be giving you medical advice since he is not your doctor, and his job as your sponsor is to guide you thru the steps - not diagnose you.
A little doubt can be a good thing. Also, your sponsor is not supposed to be giving you medical advice since he is not your doctor, and his job as your sponsor is to guide you thru the steps - not diagnose you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, Scarly.
Your sponsor sounds kinda old school.
There have been a lot of additions to the recovery toolkit in recent years, including medication, therapy, and cbt to help addicts maintain recovery.
If you think the Vivitrol helps, then do it.
Personally, when anyones begins a sentence with “In my day...”
I do a mental eyeroll and skedaddle.
But that’s me.
Your sponsor sounds kinda old school.
There have been a lot of additions to the recovery toolkit in recent years, including medication, therapy, and cbt to help addicts maintain recovery.
If you think the Vivitrol helps, then do it.
Personally, when anyones begins a sentence with “In my day...”
I do a mental eyeroll and skedaddle.
But that’s me.
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