Strugglingtoget

This is difficult and kinda sucks.
Thought about “having a few” in a nice bar at holiday time. Thought how much relief it would be. Thought about how people would be in a good mood celebrating the holidays.
Fled the office and got on a bus home.
Feeling sorry for myself and deprived. Feeling defective and cheated. I’m a loser going home to hide while others get to enjoy the evening.
This sucks.

DreamCatcher17

Staying sober isn't being a "loser" as you are gaining so much! ODAAT!!!

Good for you for not caving into the temptation, that is huge! Keep up the great work. It only works if you work it!

badgerden

Your sounding like a winner to me, way more positives to your actions than negative and I cannot think of a negative at all. That is your AV trying to get to you, making you think that you are a non fun, defective human being. Trust me, it is lying, the AV sucks your life away from you. Stay close, tomorrow you will be so much happier with yourself for jumping on that bus and fleeing.

Badge

Horn95

it is a lot harder to be sober, and takes a lot of strength and courage.

Dee74

Hi strugglimgtoget

something I found useful was 'playing the tape through to the end' - 'fast forwarding the DVD' doesn't have the same ring to it.

I had to push past the rosy glow of 'having a few drinks' to the reality/

For me I never had 'just a few' drinks, and rather being the convivial life of the party when drinking I was the guy who wrote himself off, embarrassed himself and more often that not was still drinking out that same bender a week or two weeks later.

I understand that you're still struggling to accept things. but honestly - not drinking has set me free.

It enables me to have those fun times I dreamt of, and no disastrous consequences.

I do not feel deprived, I feel blessed.

I no longer see things as unfair - Recovery is a gift.

I really hope you'll come to see things this way too, STG

D

JJ991

You are doing SO well Struggling, you are absolutely not a loser. As the others have said, it is the opposite. It takes such strength to quit, we all know that.

What are you deprived of? The poison? The hangover? The guilt?

I know it feels like forever at the moment but in the long run it will be much better. You can be in a good mood but in a Sober good mood, give it time.

Take care x

doggonecarl

Second post in a row where you use the word deprived:

Perfectly understandable that your addictive brain would seek to make you feel deprived, but it is dangerous to entertain such thoughts for long. If you feel that sobriety is a punishment, you'll struggle. It's hard to get around the tricks our AV will play, but it wasn't the romantic, fun, aspect of drinking that led you here. But it is the delusion that your addiction will use to lead you back to drinking.

Doing anything for your recovery that will show you how to live (and love) the sober life?

Strugglingtoget

Thanks everyone. Although I didn’t drink, I had a pint of Haagen Daz and still feel out of sorts.
Ithink the truth is that getting sober does require giving up some activities that feel good at least part of the time.
I do play the tape for me. Unfortunately, I am destined to drink to excess. Others enjoy.

BixBees505

Good for you...Strugg...it really isnt easy, navigating this new place we find ourselves. You are doing it.

This struck me, from Dee...soooooo true for me...
...and more often that not was still drinking out that same bender a week or two weeks later. SO painful and demoralizing, those days or weeks of shame, self-hate, knowing I can’t keep doing it. Brrrr!

BixBees505

You know, we call people normal, who can drink and put it down again....but really, it isn't normal to drink poison. People can drink normally until ...oh, surprise...they can’t. Sometimes I am not sure there is any difference between “normal” and me except time-exposure to the poison. Anyway...there’s a ramble for you. Best to you.

JustTony

True this is how some of us are tempted to look back on it through rose tinted glasses, but I can honestly say that I can't remember the last time drinking was in any way romantic or fun in any way.

I would urge everyone to think about it as I am doing. For the fast majority of the time I drank it was out of a sense of boredom or desperation or sadness or habit or need (not want).

I don't care if I'm not 'normal' - whatever that means? Lots of things about me are idiosyncratic anyway. I don't want to be a clone or follow the crowd. That's not self preservation talking - it's just a fact. I'm unique at work, at home and how I live my life in general. Aren't we all to a certain extent?

Drinking really isn't that much fun when it comes down to it. And neither is hanging about with a load of people talking way too loudly and babbling c++p most of the time.

Stay strong.

Delilah1

You were so strong, and smart to know you needed to get out of there. It is easy to begin to romanticize everyone having a good time, celebrating with friends, however, fast forward to tomorrow morning and some of those celebrants are going to wake up not feeling very good, and many are waking up wishing they hadn't drank the night before.

This time of year can be tough, and having a plan,mehich includes an exit plan is important. I am posting a link about surviving the holidays, it is a good one.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ide-vers-2-0-a

MindfulMan

Being drunk sucks.

There's plenty of other things you can do besides getting fuzzy headed and convincing yourself that you're having a great time.

I'm having dinner with some old friends for the holidays. They'll drink. I'll even bring a bottle of wine for them. They love wine but aren't very good at choosing it. I have NO interest whatsoever in drinking it.

I actually like it when my normie friends are enjoying a good food/wine pairing, as long as their not getting ****faced. It's just not for me anymore. Or going to a bar for snacks and conversation, where I won't get belligerent and loud and not remember being belligerent and loud and having a hangover the next day and people telling me what a dick I was. I'd rather be present and in the moment.

Seriously though, I may blow off the keto thing at our dinner party. I freaking need SOME vice. Maybe eat a bit of (GASP) dessert.

Every second of life is so much better when you're not using/drinking. There is nothing deprived about that. I know how you feel, I had to work through a lot before I didn't feel resentful of people drinking and having fun.

It will cease to look fun to you after a while.

Holidays are tough. You did the right thing to get the heck out of dodge.

Berrybean

I reckon, if I need to be drunk to enjoy something - chances are, I don't really enjoy it.

A big part of learning to live sober for me was finding out what I honestly and truthfully do enjoy while all my faculties are set onto reality. Turns out I was a diffrent person to the one I'd been fronting-up with all those years (decades ). Not a party girl or a man eater at all. And now I know what I enjoy doing sober and take time out to do those things, instead of pretending to myself and others that I was a person I in fact wasn't, sobriety is much , much easier and I don't feel deprived at all. In fact, I feel more content and fulfilled than I ever did when I as still drinking. Didn't happen so fast though. It took some work on my recovery, and several months to even start feeling that way.

Keep going. You did great. That wasn't fleeing. It was you listening to your inner self or conscience rather that your AV. Sure, your AV might have yelled "scaredy cat" or similar at ya as you walked away from it, but it is a childish, selfish creature, and was probably infuriated that you didn't respond to its demands as expected or hoped for. STG 1 - AV Nil

BB

comtnman740

Nice job! I think you should pat yourself on the back because that sounds like a milestone. You looked the AV straight in the eye and said "NO". You played the tape forward and realized where a drink would take you. That's not easy to do. By the way there is nothing wrong with saying on certain days that i don't want to be around drinking. Sometimes you need to protect yourself. If you're allergic to chlorine don't go wading in the chlorinated swimming pool. ; )

tomsteve

the majority of the worlds population is enjoying the evening without alcohol.
you can,too. its probably something that has to be learned, but you can.

howz about gettin out of the self pity and seeing whats going on in your town you could go to that doesnt involve alcohol?

MANY people enjoying the evening drinking truly arent enjoying it. MANY of them have internal struggles and problems in life.