Holidays
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 612
Holidays
I was taking proper time to stalk my previous posts, and realized that I no longer have these issues directly affecting me any more. The kids were able to enjoy their school program with ZERO drama and PEACE this year. StbxAH showed up separately, even the inlaws made it. miracle. lol. We sat together, but when it was done and over, the kids hugged him goodbye, and we drove home in peace.
This past weekend I kept up my boundaries. This sounds small, but it is not- he tried to invite me over several times while he had the kids this weekend...tried to initiate flirtatious convos (which usually leads to intimacy) but I kept my space and said no. The holidays this year will be so much more peaceful. So happy to realize I've been experiencing NONE of these past antics:
12/7/16:
This past weekend I kept up my boundaries. This sounds small, but it is not- he tried to invite me over several times while he had the kids this weekend...tried to initiate flirtatious convos (which usually leads to intimacy) but I kept my space and said no. The holidays this year will be so much more peaceful. So happy to realize I've been experiencing NONE of these past antics:
12/7/16:
Originally Posted by thousandwords53 
AH blew up on me last night when I had the audacity to say something to him when he, once again, ignored one of us asking him a question. This is a terrible habit of his. I will hear" Dad...dad....daddy, dad, dad......dad....."
Finally he hears them/me after on average 8 times. Lately I have been calling his name out a bit louder and alerting him to answer that person. It's very annoying and rude in my opinion. He is spaced out not paying attention and he gets mad at me when I do this.
So in the car last night I did it again, then he went into a verbal assault on me saying "eff this effing bullshiz eff eff. Im sick of it! Effing can't do anything right...." I say, "yes I'm sick of it too!" So then is snowballs into he feels he can't do anything right by me, and that I have had a serious attitude lately what's wrong with me. I am just like my mother, and he is so stressed out, and that I ignore the kids too....blah blah blah.
I tried to J.A.D.E of course, because that's what I do..finally I had to say I can't talk about this right now. Cant do it. and I walked away and took a bath to calm down.
But it really hurt that he thinks I am nagging him, that I am so hard to please and that I am turning into my mother. (I love my mother and she has her issues, but I am nothing like her. Being like her is an ultimate insult coming from him as he can't stand her)
I am the most easy going, non demanding wife in the history of marriage. I know this to be the truth, the only "nagging" I have partaken in, would be to stand up for myself or the kiddos if he says something out of line. He feels he can't parent the way he wants and that I always undermine him. In reality I am protecting the kids when his demands are way out of line, especially age appropriate expectations, such as no finger prints on the windows when we are in his vehicle, barking orders to clean up toys, etc etc you guys have read it before. I have told him I am not allowing this shiz anymore and yes, I will say something.
I was so dumbfounded at him flipping out on me last night. he seemed genuinely frustrated that I have been so quick to nitpick him lately. All of this was on the way home from and after the kids' Christmas program. I realized afterwards that he had his flask with him, and had probably drank before the recital in order to "deal" with the crowds, annoyance of being there. He drove us home too and I feel terrible about it.
My mind has been so messed up with these accusations that I really feel are false. I am not demanding nor do I lash out at him for no reason. I am always acting in defense if I do use a stern tone. Our realties are so different. This made me question my sanity, my intentions and my actions.I really feel that I am a nice, caring person and the hear him think that I am being cruel hurts me and takes a lot of my momentum out of how I feel. Please help me decipher this SR friends. Thank you for reading, this may be a jumbled mess as I am typing this at work incognito lol.
Finally he hears them/me after on average 8 times. Lately I have been calling his name out a bit louder and alerting him to answer that person. It's very annoying and rude in my opinion. He is spaced out not paying attention and he gets mad at me when I do this.
So in the car last night I did it again, then he went into a verbal assault on me saying "eff this effing bullshiz eff eff. Im sick of it! Effing can't do anything right...." I say, "yes I'm sick of it too!" So then is snowballs into he feels he can't do anything right by me, and that I have had a serious attitude lately what's wrong with me. I am just like my mother, and he is so stressed out, and that I ignore the kids too....blah blah blah.
I tried to J.A.D.E of course, because that's what I do..finally I had to say I can't talk about this right now. Cant do it. and I walked away and took a bath to calm down.
But it really hurt that he thinks I am nagging him, that I am so hard to please and that I am turning into my mother. (I love my mother and she has her issues, but I am nothing like her. Being like her is an ultimate insult coming from him as he can't stand her)
I am the most easy going, non demanding wife in the history of marriage. I know this to be the truth, the only "nagging" I have partaken in, would be to stand up for myself or the kiddos if he says something out of line. He feels he can't parent the way he wants and that I always undermine him. In reality I am protecting the kids when his demands are way out of line, especially age appropriate expectations, such as no finger prints on the windows when we are in his vehicle, barking orders to clean up toys, etc etc you guys have read it before. I have told him I am not allowing this shiz anymore and yes, I will say something.
I was so dumbfounded at him flipping out on me last night. he seemed genuinely frustrated that I have been so quick to nitpick him lately. All of this was on the way home from and after the kids' Christmas program. I realized afterwards that he had his flask with him, and had probably drank before the recital in order to "deal" with the crowds, annoyance of being there. He drove us home too and I feel terrible about it.
My mind has been so messed up with these accusations that I really feel are false. I am not demanding nor do I lash out at him for no reason. I am always acting in defense if I do use a stern tone. Our realties are so different. This made me question my sanity, my intentions and my actions.I really feel that I am a nice, caring person and the hear him think that I am being cruel hurts me and takes a lot of my momentum out of how I feel. Please help me decipher this SR friends. Thank you for reading, this may be a jumbled mess as I am typing this at work incognito lol.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 48
OMG I feel like I could've write your prior post almost word for word! The only difference is my mom has been diagnosed with a severe mental illness and this weekend during a fight my husband asked me if the voices in my head were telling me things. Just to be clear I dont actually have voices and it was his way of ripping on me and my mom in a cruel mean-spirited way.
Im so happy for you that you're in a good place right now!!! I really hope to in a year write a post similar to the one im replying to!
Im so happy for you that you're in a good place right now!!! I really hope to in a year write a post similar to the one im replying to!
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 612
I was feeling super great until last night when "screech" (that's the brakes lol) I get a text out of the blue from stbx right as I was going to bed, professing how beautiful I am. This completely broke me down. Obviously my boundaries have not been sufficient for him to think this is ok. I know I have been too "open" with him in weeks past but had really thought I was keeping my space this past week or two...I didn't even open the text for fear he would see I read it...I haven't replied- one reason so I don't acknowledge it, two- so I don't have to confront/say no to him. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. I do not need to hear I am beautiful. Especially from him. When we were still together he did a great job of telling me I was: Too beautiful, Too unattractive, too much, not enough- there was never consistency - whatever served his mood at that moment. This seemingly small contact really set me back mentally. I reached out to my best friend and she helped talk me through this. No contact was the way to go. From here on out I need to be more clear and firm with my boundaries. Thanks for listening.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
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Originally Posted by dandylion
thousandwords....good job on recognizing and resisting that Siren Call!!!!!
Visualize your boundaries as a moat, surrounding you, filled with sapping gators.....
Visualize your boundaries as a moat, surrounding you, filled with sapping gators.....
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