LastingChange

Hi All,

I’m back again after spending the last few months drinking again. I had 3 months and made the stupid decision to throw it all away because I was struggling. I was struggling with fear of missing out, with anxiety and worry. I allowed these feelings to manipulate my thoughts and to fool me into returning to old behaviours.

Though I am relatively ‘lucky’ that I have not done anything as detrimental as in the past, my self-esteem and self-worth has plummeted and my anxiety has sky rocketed since I have been drinking again. My skin is breaking out, I’m falling out of routine at the gym and eating badly. I’m lethargic and unable to concentrate for days after a big session and I have spent so much money that I do not have, only compounding the problem. I just spent a weekend in Paris with my husband for our anniversary and a wonderful trip was ruined by drinking too much on Saturday, meaning I could t fully enjoy Sunday as I was severely hungover and anxious as I had no recollection of the end of the night.

I feel ashamed and stupid and angry and frustrated to be back here again at square one. I’m also worried that I am doomed to repeat the pattern of sobriety for a few months, then falling into old habits again.

Thank you for reading and for accepting me back into the forum. I have found great strength here in the past, and hope to rejoin the community and support you all on your journeys also.

MindfulMan

Get back on the horse. No judgement. Travel is tough in early sobriety, especially if your husband drinks. And it’s Paris.

Nonsensical

I am familiar with that worry. My AV would tell me all the time that I couldn't change. Just another one of it's endless lies.

Welcome back.
You have work to do.
Get after it!

doggonecarl

Welcome back.

Lasting change requires just that--change. Change in how we deal with life, how we cope, how we change in ways that support our decision to quit drinking. Lasting change also requires lasting commitment. When you think about giving up on sobriety, you have to remember why you quit in the first place. And even when memory fails us, you just have to remember your decision: You've quit drinking. For good.

LastingChange

Thank you MindfulMan. I just wish I could get to one year, without falling back into old ways and dependencies. I shouldn’t have stopped posting and visiting the forums here, they are a great source of strength and support in tough times.

LastingChange

Thank you Nonsensical. You are right, I have work to do. I’m going to keep my mind on staying sober and focus on all of the benefits of sobriety. I appreciate your post. 🙏🏼

LastingChange

You’re so right Doggonecarl. After a certain time, our mind tricks us into forgetting or dimming the memory of how bad things are when we drink. After 3 months I was foolishly pulled into thinking it would be different, that I’ve changed, that I can handle it - but the truth is that the only change that was working was that I had stopped drinking. I need to remind myself of that every day, and truly commit to my decision.

FreeOwl

hey.... welcome back.....

this time, when you stop drinking....

start Being Sober.

Hope1989

I feel you. This exactly has happened to me this weekend.

The best thing I can tell you (not something you probably won't really know yet) is that it will pass. The pain goes away. You just got to be there entirely so that it won't happen again.

You are lucky indeed, and you have fulll support.

thomas11

No judgement here. You aren't the first person to relapse, and you won't be the last. Dust yourself off and get back to living the good life. Maybe review what went "wrong" and devise a plan to avoid the same mistake.

Verdantia

Welcome back, Lasting. I have had many relapses; it is a confounding part of the disease. I have been to inpatient rehab twice in the past five years and after my last in December 2015 I finally seem to have gotten it-something clicked that hadn't before and I truly wanted to be sober more than drunk. I started caring about myself and realizing that I was deserving of happiness; too often I engaged in self-sabotage and self-destructive behaviors as if to prove what a terrible person I was-to be correct regarding my worthlessness. That was a lie. Now I have become more engaged in my community, volunteering, joining a church and playing in the band. In two weeks I will have two blessed years of sobriety. I must remain on guard against complacency, though- against anything that would start a downward spiral. You can do this-you did not throw those three months away. See them as a learning experience. Stick around here-I derive tremendous strength from this wonderful community. I wish you all the best on your sober journey.

Dee74

Welcome back LastingChange

many of us faltered a time or two. Changing our lives is hard.
I found a recovery plan was the difference between spurts of sobriety and lasting recovery.

Why not give it a go?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)

D