Dforth1155

I usually never post but I’m hurting so bad. And trying to deal with hurt. Me and my ex of 5 years just broke up about 2 months ago. Once before too. I’m 29 she’s 27. We met when I was 22. And did the partying thing together. Went our separate ways for awhile. Would hook up and then not talk or we’d argue and lose contact. I met somebody..... had a child and when we broke up. My recent ex was there. We started dating and she wasn’t drinking because she was on probation for flipping a car while drinking. I was drinking. When we met and continued to do so. Prolly more than I should have but Was with me through custody and all that. Things would be great and then when she went off probation and had her freedom to drink it things got bad. She would drink everyday but when she did. It was blackouts, she lost her car one night. she cheated on me twice, we got in arguments. And if I hadn’t been drinking with her we might not have had so many fights. When she was sober it was great we got along had fun. She was like a mother to my son. This is really long so I guess I’ll cut to the end cuz that was pretty much the cycle. Usually she blamed me for her drinking. Or things about my job or my son stressed out. When we broke up before i begged and pleaded for another chance. Somehow through all this the blame was almost entirely placed on me. Which I can accept some blame for my role in this. It takes 2 to dance. Fast forward to 2 months ago. I hadn’t been drinking very much. She had been going out every Saturday and Friday with her gf not coming in til midnight. On a Friday she started drinking at noon and by 7 she was totally drunk stumbling in. And in front of my son says I’m done. And proceeds to blame me for everything. And tells my son we’re not a family. We leave and I try to talk to her a couple times in the next days. She won’t listen. Says her drinking is under control and I was the one out of control. And that she loves me and cares but we need to call it quits. I leave her alone. A few weeks go by and she text saying she needs closure. I say no we end up talking and agree to meet. She admitted she had slept with someone trying to move on. It had been right at a month separated. I’m that month I totally cut out all my drinking and dieted and lost about 40 pounds. So when she seen me she was taken back. Cried and said she wanted to try and that she loved me. Then she’d go out drinking again stand me up when we were supposed to do something and say idk what I want or if I wanna date again. She did that to me a couple times and I just left her alone and tried to move on. Thought we were civil. Went on a couple dates with someone new and slept with someone else. And I felt guilty about it.this Friday I went out to my shop to get something and there is a coat and some other belongings of mine thrown out in the driveway. I tried to let it go and ignore everything but I ended texting and asking about the stuff and told her how guilty I was about what I did and how I still loved her and cared about her. I felt Saturday. She blew up on me and told me move on. Is this normal alcoholic behavior and is it crazy that I still love this person.

Maudcat

Hi, Dforth.
Welcome.
She sounds as though she is done with you, at least for the moment.
And perhaps you should be done with her.
Lots of drama in your life right now.
How about taking a couple steps back, breathe, and give yourself some dateless time?
You have a child? What can you do to be your best self for your child?
Peace.