eve123

I’m a recovering g alcoholic. My drinking caused chaos in my life and familiy after two rehab states and Aa I am finally in acceptance of my illness. my ex father of my daughter who has part custody of our child is causing me concern. It has been a very toxic relationship from the start based on a lot of lies in my mind. However I do try get on with him. He puts me down a lot and everything was my fault. I accept my part however he drinks every day I smell it on him in the morning sometimes. He does have his work although working for himself. He can be abusive at times verbally and definitely emotionally and has caused me many relapses and pain. He used to abuse prescription meds and weed don’t know if he does now but he drinks daily about two bottles of wine. But the problem is when I drink I get v emotional n people know about it. He doesn’t seem to do this and is very secretive. He would never admit any problems as he said it’s all you I’m your victim etc.he is like two or theee people. I also think he lies a lot other relationships etc. I’m vvvvv codependent and also working on this I always drank on my feelings of rejection and abandonment I was addicted to him. There was a lot of abuse physical emotional financial etc but I thought it was my fault I drank more to deal with the pain. Felt crazy. My question is I suppose could he be an alcoholic or is he a narc who drinks to cope with his disorder. This is no good for my recovery but he will always be in my life and I find him so difficult to trust and talk to. I’m in fear also of emotional pain as he says some covert things that trigger me. Going on but could he have this illness and still be able to get away with daily drinking with no obvious consequences?

SparkleKitty

Anyone can white-knuckle good outward behavior for awhile, but as you very likely know, if he is an alcoholic it WILL catch up with him. No one can say how long.

The good news is, there is just as much help and support out there for you and your codependency as for your recovery from alcoholism. Al-Anon would be a great place for you, especially as you are familiar with the twelve step program already.

He may always be in your life but he doesn't have to have as much power over your life as he does right now. You can get that back, and it can fuel your own sobriety, which of course you must protect at all costs.

Sending you strength, courage and hugs. I'm glad you found us here.

eve123

Thank you sparkle kitty. In my step 4 it became apparent that my co dependency is as much of a problem as the using of alcohol to numb my feelings around redaction and abuse. Very low esteem and self respect gone. But I’m working hard to look at my part in this and how I can use my steps to lessen the addiction I have to my ex thanks for the welcome