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Breaking cocaine and alcohol nightmare

Old 12-10-2017, 04:06 AM
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Breaking cocaine and alcohol nightmare

Hello all,

I've somehow managed to add the vicious cycle of cocaine to the mix. Only ever consuming when I drink alcohol. I think I convinced myself that if I could stay sober for a while then I could moderate alcohol consumption.....

Overlooking the fact that it's alcohol that lowers my boundaries and makes everything "acceptable" to take (coke heroin cigarettes.........I don't even smoke normally)

This year I was about 6 months clean and sober and then foolishly thought wine would be ok (I never wanted to consume again) but that night I went out looking and found. And basically the last couple of months have been a disaster........I've normally being a binger and that's what's been happening....massive weekend binge...swearing and meaning that I never wanted to touch it again.......but then horrible mood swings......deciding on a drink to "take the edge off" swearing I won't go out.....and then the urge is huge.

While it's happening I'm almost in disbelief that it's happening again. I'm putting myself with people who are using me and taking advantage of me.....(silly drunk clown with his boundaries wide open)

Anyway, I'm looking to break free from this nightmare.
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Old 12-10-2017, 05:29 AM
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I can relate to your post in so many ways.

Be very careful with the thinking that you'll only use cocaine when you are drunk. I thought the same thing and then I quit alcohol months ago but I kept using. So make sure you focus on quitting both and take both addictions very seriously.

Also, 6-months is great. You obviously can live the sober life you just have to sustain it. Learn from your mistakes. You thought wine would be okay, that's what got you to drink again but now you know it isn't. Don't ever forget that.

Try to figure out why you are getting the urge... What is it you like about alcohol? For me the only thing that worked was learning to hate it and learning that the benefits I thought I was getting from alcohol weren't in reality a benefit at all. In a sense I was drinking for no reason at all.

Don't let the alcohol/drugs trick you. We've all had good times using but don't let that become what gets you to use. Always remember the bad events you've had while drinking and using when you get the urge... Replay the events over again and again and ask yourself if using is worth the risk of the potential of events happening again and make no mistake it WILL happen again if you keep using.

Another point - One of the main reasons I was able to quit was like you I knew I was getting taken advantage of due to alcohol/drug use. It's not a good feeling getting taken advantage of. I knew sober these things would never happen so that helped get me to hate alcohol/drugs. If you hate something there is no temptation... No temptation = no urge.

I'd also keep coming to this site, even if it is just to read. There's a lot of good people here who will be willing to help you and you can learn from others mistakes and success stories.

I see a lot of myself in you. I want you to know that if I can quit so can you!
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Old 12-10-2017, 06:26 AM
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Originally Posted by DangerZone View Post
I can relate to your post in so many ways.

Be very careful with the thinking that you'll only use cocaine when you are drunk. I thought the same thing and then I quit alcohol months ago but I kept using. So make sure you focus on quitting both and take both addictions very seriously.

Also, 6-months is great. You obviously can live the sober life you just have to sustain it. Learn from your mistakes. You thought wine would be okay, that's what got you to drink again but now you know it isn't. Don't ever forget that.

Try to figure out why you are getting the urge... What is it you like about alcohol? For me the only thing that worked was learning to hate it and learning that the benefits I thought I was getting from alcohol weren't in reality a benefit at all. In a sense I was drinking for no reason at all.

Don't let the alcohol/drugs trick you. We've all had good times using but don't let that become what gets you to use. Always remember the bad events you've had while drinking and using when you get the urge... Replay the events over again and again and ask yourself if using is worth the risk of the potential of events happening again and make no mistake it WILL happen again if you keep using.

Another point - One of the main reasons I was able to quit was like you I knew I was getting taken advantage of due to alcohol/drug use. It's not a good feeling getting taken advantage of. I knew sober these things would never happen so that helped get me to hate alcohol/drugs. If you hate something there is no temptation... No temptation = no urge.

I'd also keep coming to this site, even if it is just to read. There's a lot of good people here who will be willing to help you and you can learn from others mistakes and success stories.

I see a lot of myself in you. I want you to know that if I can quit so can you!
Thanks.

Good questions.....Rationally I know there's no real benefit to alcohol. In fact, I've been observing lately........two small whiskies....gives you a glow and a warm feeling and probably takes the edge/anxiety off briefly....granted it's the drink/drugs that's creating anxiousness/an edge in the first place. But then of course I may or may not stop at two and then my emotions are greatly affected by...the affect of the alcohol and a spiral of bad decisions ensues. So really very very little benefit. In fact it's making me thinking that really I frame alcohol in a romantic or ritualistic sort of way......

....so at the end of the day.....the conclusion is to REFRAME old beliefs that are no longer working.

It's highly unlikely that I would touch any substance without alcohol. Like I said, I don't even smoke. I want to quit both. Well, something in me has been fighting to keep alcohol in the picture.......when I had those 6 months and other times I was probably thinking of alcohol in the "future", but I wasn't romantizising drugs. I deeply regret ever having gone near them.

Yeah, the bad events have kept on repeating themselves. Last night I know I was been set up for a beating. I put myself with dodgy dangerous people. One who'd just done 15 year (first time spoke to this person). The last incident I allowed myself to be brought to probably the most dangerous part of the city (I didn't realize we were going there). Being set up to be robbed. Managed to get out. Spent a fortune. Feeling like shite and old and dirty from consuming. This is no fun.
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Old 12-10-2017, 06:47 AM
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Welcome to the family! I hope our support can help you get clean and sober for good.
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Old 12-10-2017, 07:02 AM
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Bone,

After over 2.5 years sober, I still crave. It is brain damage. Folks that don't crave are lucky.

They say AA fixes that, but I haven't caved yet. I am happy sometimes and sad sometimes. That is living life clean.

I tend to obsess. It might be from drinking, it might not be. But, not drinking has helped me become more aware of my obessions and get help.

I come here and I also use another online depression forum that has a nice interface. I feeling that when I drank (since I was a little kid) I was self medicating and never really learned how to cope w life clean.

Thanks.
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Old 12-10-2017, 01:33 PM
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Fixing things doesn't mean you have no cravings. It means that you can acknowledge the cravings and not act on them. They decrease in frequency but don't necessarily decrease in intensity. There are many cognitive tools that I learned to help me do this with my cravings.

Ah. Coke, alcohol, and nicotine. That unholy trio deeply ensnared me for quite a while. It's the perfect synergy of mind-numbing euphoria. They are strongly connected to each other for me.

Drinking doesn't necessarily lead to coke, but coke 100% leads to booze, and lots of it. If there's coke around when I'm drinking, some lines would definitely come my way, and then escalate. Coke kept me going and partying all night, where if I'd just been drinking I'd have been passed out hours beforehand.

It's also a perfect storm of horrible consequences and addiction.

Serious cokeheads are a scary group. Partying turns into a strange and scary vampire world from about 1am to dawn, especially if smoking rock is involved, but snorting powder can take you there too.

You know when you stop doing coke? When it's gone. Then when it's so late that even your dealer is asleep and you can't get more.

I was unemployed and doing coke, I was like flypaper for freaks, attracting people who were toxic and even dangerous to me. Lots of high risk and meaningless casual sex too. It's amazing I came out of that period HIV negative.

Such a horrible world.

You're lucky to be free of it. There is terror and disgust when I look back on the coke/booze/cigs days, and the dabbling that happened until I finally stopped all substances on May 9 this year.

I could relate to the stories in CA more than those in AA.

But either would be helpful to you, as would any kind of rehab program. I did inpatient followed by outpatient, and AA/CA for a while (may return at some point). ALL were really helpful in my still-early sobriety.

Thank God you're here. And getting off the devil's merry-go-round.

Use all the resources to which you have access, including this forum. Get sober, then make a specific plan to stay that way.

Life is so much better without stupid and pointless addiction hanging over you.
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Old 12-10-2017, 02:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Bonecracker View Post
Thanks.

Good questions.....Rationally I know there's no real benefit to alcohol. In fact, I've been observing lately........two small whiskies....gives you a glow and a warm feeling and probably takes the edge/anxiety off briefly....granted it's the drink/drugs that's creating anxiousness/an edge in the first place. But then of course I may or may not stop at two and then my emotions are greatly affected by...the affect of the alcohol and a spiral of bad decisions ensues. So really very very little benefit. In fact it's making me thinking that really I frame alcohol in a romantic or ritualistic sort of way......

....so at the end of the day.....the conclusion is to REFRAME old beliefs that are no longer working.

It's highly unlikely that I would touch any substance without alcohol. Like I said, I don't even smoke. I want to quit both. Well, something in me has been fighting to keep alcohol in the picture.......when I had those 6 months and other times I was probably thinking of alcohol in the "future", but I wasn't romantizising drugs. I deeply regret ever having gone near them.

Yeah, the bad events have kept on repeating themselves. Last night I know I was been set up for a beating. I put myself with dodgy dangerous people. One who'd just done 15 year (first time spoke to this person). The last incident I allowed myself to be brought to probably the most dangerous part of the city (I didn't realize we were going there). Being set up to be robbed. Managed to get out. Spent a fortune. Feeling like shite and old and dirty from consuming. This is no fun.
Yeah cocaine is an extremely dangerous drug. It put me a in a lot of bad/risky situations as well. I'm lucky to be alive today and I've done a lot of things while high that I'm not proud of.

Trust me I was just like you. I only used when I was drunk but if you continue to combine the two eventually you WILL get to the point when you will use cocaine while sober. It happened to me and I thought it never would. I've seen it happen to plenty of others. We always like to think we are the exception but that type of thinking is usually what gets us into trouble when it comes to alcohol/drugs.

Remember it is only going to get worse. Addiction is progressive. You got lucky this last time but eventually your luck will run out. Cocaine tends to put us into a lot of bad situations cause we don't think logically and it's a hard drug that has serious legal consequences even if you get caught with a small amount.

Remember You are not dealing with pot dealers and pot users. A lot of people involved with cocaine are dangerous.

Also, the amount of damage you doing to your body by mixing cocaine and alcohol is extremely bad. It creates a chemical called Cocaethylene which is bad for your liver. Google it for more info. Now I'm no doctor but I know at the end of my usage stage I used to get liver pains when I mixed the two. As soon as I stopped mixing the two (not quitting just mixing) the pains stopped.

Keep all these facts in mind next time you contemplate using. It should make it much easier to resist. Go to a NA meeting too if you feel the need. I was hesitant at first myself but it's cool and it does work.
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Old 12-10-2017, 03:55 PM
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Some really good advice here.

Welcome bonecracker

D
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